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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think less of friend for grassing up another friend? poss benefit fraud related

108 replies

CatEyeFlick · 23/09/2015 12:18

my friend (A) confessed to me the other day that she has done an anonymous online report on another friend (B) for benefit fraud (living with her dp)

(A) has done it out of spite as (B) owes her money which she is paying back slowly £10 a week. (A) doesn't think its enough but (B) says that's all she can afford

if ((B) has done nothing wrong (which I doubt she has as as far as I know she doesn't live with her dp) then (B) will be still in the shit as her money will be stopped while the DSS look into it. which takes for ever and there is all sorts of humiliation and hoop jumping to go through

i think (A) should have just minded her own business, i think she has done it out of pure spite. and I wish she hadn't told me, I feel horrible knowing as I know that any day (B) is going to get the dreaded brown envelope. I have been there when i hadnt done anything wrong and its fucking horrible

they have been friends for years ffs

OP posts:
tootsalina · 23/09/2015 12:24

If B really hasn't done anything wrong she has nothing to worry about.
But if I were you I would be seriously considering my friendship with A right now.

What a spiteful thing to do to a so called friend.

MinecraftWonder · 23/09/2015 12:34

Yes, I would think less of her.

I wouldn't ever report someone for benefit fraud, even when it's genuine tbh. I grew up most of my life with parents on the dole, dodging the provy woman and hiding in the kitchen from the bailiffs, and claiming xyz fraudulently with my dad doing hobbles on the side for cash.

It's a bloody miserable existence and I feel nothing but pity for people that see it as a way of life. It's not something I would start a crusade over, and it's something I mind my business about.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 23/09/2015 12:37

No YNBU. Watch friend A, she's bloody dangerous. The horrible nasty spiteful bitch. Make sure you tell her nothing.
Does friend B have children, if so. I hope friend A is proud of her achievement of taking food out their mouths, as any benefits aside from CTC and CB will stop while they investigate.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 23/09/2015 12:40

Exactly Mine. People do what they have to in order to survive. It's corrupt to report people.

Namechangenell · 23/09/2015 12:40

I'd think more of her, to be honest. Fraud affects all of us - it's not a victimless crime, as many like to think. Thousands are wasted every year on people who are not entitled to claim, thus cutting the amount available to those who actually do. Ditto the money spent on chasing benefit cheats.

If this person has not done anything wrong, then they have nothing to worry about. If they have, then the truth would have always come out in the end anyway. It's all very well having sympathy with the underdog, but benefit fraud is a crime.

OneDay103 · 23/09/2015 12:43

Yabu, if she is committing a crime then she needs to be punished.

DSClarke · 23/09/2015 12:45

If she did it out of spite then that is not great, and I don't think you should feel bad about thinking less of her.

However, fraud is stealing. I have no problem with paying my taxes. Indeed am proud to do it and wild pay more without whinging. But I do have a problem with benefit fraud. Not only is she taking from the pot which may make it difficult for someone else to claim the money, I have to ask why Others work their arses off and people claim that money fraudulently.

Scobberlotcher · 23/09/2015 12:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 23/09/2015 12:50

The system isn't perfect. You say you don't think your friend is claiming fraudently, even if she is it doesn't sound like she's living it up if she can't afford to pay her awful friend back.

It makes no sense, your friend being investigated is hardly going to get her to pay money back quickly.

We there an agreement in place with regards to repayment before hand? Is your friend who leant the money now going without?

Also, are you going to tell your friend who reported her?

Frequency · 23/09/2015 12:51

Jesus, some of you lot are heartless. Op has already said that the friend is not committing benefit fraud and the other friend did this from spite/anger.

YANBU, OP. I'm not sure I could remain friends with the reporting friend if this were my friends.

Just in case any of you didn't realise, benefit fraud amounts for a tiny, tiny proportion (less than 1%) of the welfare bill, in fact more money goes unclaimed for than is lost through fraud.

I save my anger for large, tax dodging corporations, instead of pointing fingers at those on lowest end of the scale.

Booyaka · 23/09/2015 12:52

Does Friend A genuinely think she is committing fraud? If so YABU. If she knows she's not then YANBU.

If she genuinely thinks she's committing fraud I would think better of her for reporting. My husband is in a profession where working away is quite common so you end up with women claiming benefits who actually have access to their partners £50-60k salaries, so it's not a matter of surviving, it's a matter of being greedy. It's not fair on all the other people who claim benefits honestly either, because not only do they have to struggle they get tarred with the same brush.

OneDay103 · 23/09/2015 12:53

Sorry op, I read it as her dp Is living with her. If you are certain that she isn't and your friend did it out of spite then yanbu.

Original poster
CatEyeFlick · 23/09/2015 12:53

It makes no sense, your friend being investigated is hardly going to get her to pay money back quickly

exactly. and to the person who asked, yes she has dc :( little ones, and one with special needs which is why she doesn't work at the moment

OP posts:
Original poster
CatEyeFlick · 23/09/2015 12:55

We there an agreement in place with regards to repayment before hand? Is your friend who leant the money now going without

yes the agreement was made ages ago and she has stuck to it

friend (A) is skint but that's cos she has a useless twat of a lazy sponging dh but that's a whole other story so I do see her frustration but I am sure (B) would pay more if she could. she isn't exactly living it up herself

I am meeting (B) this week, I honestly feel like telling her

OP posts:
BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 23/09/2015 13:01

I would tell her to be honest. she's stuck to the agreement, it's not her fault that the one whose leant her the moneys situation has changed. If I were you, I'd also contact the benefits people saying that your friend has confessed making false allegations to you. I have no idea if it will help but it's worth a try.

Obviously friend A is deeply unhappy in her own situation, but that doesn't give her the right to try and ruin friend B's life.

And frequency, exactly.

Spartans · 23/09/2015 13:01

So she reported her, even though she doesn't suspect she is actually is commuting fraud?

That's make her a complete shit and she is less likely to get her money back. I couldn't be friends with her.

Can you call them and tell them it's a spiteful claim? Surely reporting someone falsely is punishable.

Someone did this to my mum after my dad left it was awful. Your poor friend. This is so awful.

featherandblack · 23/09/2015 13:02

I couldn't be friends with someone who would do this. She's not a friend.

Scobberlotcher · 23/09/2015 13:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

featherandblack · 23/09/2015 13:03

And I do think you should tell her what's happening so she doesn't make herself vulnerable to this person again. Imagine if she was in tears describing the situation and expecting the person who caused it to comfort her. She should be protected from that.

specialsubject · 23/09/2015 13:06

'it is corrupt to report people'

but it is ok to commit benefit fraud?

obviously the reporter needs to be sure enough - but if it gets a thief dealt with, works for me.

presumably those who don't approve of 'grassing' are also happy to be burgled, because, hey, you do what you have to do.

scarlets · 23/09/2015 13:13

If you are very confident that B is not committing fraud, it may be worth ringing the helpline and telling them what you know about A's motives. This could spare B some anguish, and DWP some resources.

It's awful that A has put you in this position.

MinecraftWonder · 23/09/2015 13:15

presumably those who don't approve of 'grassing' are also happy to be burgled, because, hey, you do what you have to do

How ridiculous. Of course not.

IME there are only two reasons that people commit benefit fraud -

  1. Because they really, genuinely, need the bloody money. In which case, good luck to them the poor buggers.
  1. Because they're playing the system on purpose, would rather sit on their fat lazy ass all day and feel that they're 'winning'. In which case I feel nothing but pity for them that this is the epitome of what they want to achieve in life and the example to set the next generation. I can't bring myself to care enough to report - like a pp, i'm more concerned about the serious tax dodgers taking money out of the pot.

That ^ train of thought doesn't mean I want someone to come and break into my house Hmm

Original poster
CatEyeFlick · 23/09/2015 13:16

featherandblack this is what I find the most shit about the situation....how friend (A) is still acting friendly with friend (B) despite stabbing her in the back

I think there is now such a disgusting culture of jealousy and suspicion of people on benefits that things like this are now seen as ok. (A) never used to be this spiteful, apart from this she is one of the nicest people I know. And the irony, is up till a couple of years ago friend (A) was also a single parent on benefits. until unfortunately for her, she took in a cocklodger

i am pretty sure friend (A) would fall out with me if I told (B) i guess its a risk i will have to take

OP posts:
Original poster
CatEyeFlick · 23/09/2015 13:18

and minecraftwonder totally agree with your last post ^^

burglary a really silly analogy imo Hmm

OP posts:
OfaFrenchmind2 · 23/09/2015 13:18

YANBU. As much as I find people claiming more benefits than they are entitled to abhorrent, I find this reporting reflex people have even more so. And doing that in spite when people are innocent show what a rotten human being you are. Do not burden yourself with this 'friend', OP!

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