Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think less of friend for grassing up another friend? poss benefit fraud related

108 replies

CatEyeFlick · 23/09/2015 12:18

my friend (A) confessed to me the other day that she has done an anonymous online report on another friend (B) for benefit fraud (living with her dp)

(A) has done it out of spite as (B) owes her money which she is paying back slowly £10 a week. (A) doesn't think its enough but (B) says that's all she can afford

if ((B) has done nothing wrong (which I doubt she has as as far as I know she doesn't live with her dp) then (B) will be still in the shit as her money will be stopped while the DSS look into it. which takes for ever and there is all sorts of humiliation and hoop jumping to go through

i think (A) should have just minded her own business, i think she has done it out of pure spite. and I wish she hadn't told me, I feel horrible knowing as I know that any day (B) is going to get the dreaded brown envelope. I have been there when i hadnt done anything wrong and its fucking horrible

they have been friends for years ffs

OP posts:
OneBreathAfterAnother · 23/09/2015 13:27

Hmm. How sure are you that (B) isn't committing fraud?

I'd be very careful with your next steps here.

She'll be investigated even if you phone up and say it was a spiteful allegation. If they really don't live together, it won't take them long to see this - they'll ask for proof of his/her other home, and as long as there are no confusing details or borderline bits of information, her benefits shouldn't be delayed for long.

You could report your friend for making malicious allegations but she would only need to say that she believed it to be true.

Your OP makes it sound like you don't know if they live together, so is it possible that (A) knows something you don't, and (B) is infact committing fraud?

If (A) has made an malicious allegation that she knows to be untrue, that's hideous behaviour. If (A) has reported benefit fraud, than it's simply a matter of your moral opinion on that. Certainly it's very different to making something up.

mileend2bermondsey · 23/09/2015 13:32

I hate these threads on MN.
Anyone who is committing benefit fraud is doing so because otherwise they'd be on the streets. Absolutely no one is simply taking the piss out of the system. And if they are, so what? Bankers/politicians/big coportations do worse which apparently makes it fine.

FFS mind boggling.

sproketmx · 23/09/2015 13:34

Mates don't grass each other up. Where I'm from ur friend would have got a kickin for that.

Theycallmemellowjello · 23/09/2015 13:37

This is horrible. I'd tell Friend B. She should let DSS know the report was made in order to harass her. She needs to log harassment and be protected in case the harassment from Friend A escalates in any way.

Oswin · 23/09/2015 13:40

Pp are saying if she's not committing fraud then she has nothing to worry about? Of course she bloody does. Her money will be stopped while they investigate, and they can take as long as they bloody well like to do it too.
Op if I was you I would tell my friend.

Shutthatdoor · 23/09/2015 13:41

op has already said that the friend is not committing benefit fraud and the other friend did this from spite/anger.

No the OP has said that as far as she knows the DP isn't living there.

Perhaps the reporting friend actually knows more than the OP

Bubblesinthesummer · 23/09/2015 13:43

Absolutely no one is simply taking the piss out of the system.

Really, absolutely no one....

runlulurun · 23/09/2015 13:45

I am pretty shocked that your friend could be such a spiteful, vindictive little cow!

Plus it's not going to help her get her money back if her friend has her benefits stopped temporarily.

If it was me, I would be getting fast away from friend A.

gamerchick · 23/09/2015 13:48

Personally either way you should tell her so she can prepare for getting her money stopped. Even if it's stockpiling food at the least. Not easy if she's on benefits.

reni2 · 23/09/2015 13:57

YANBU at all. I would find it almost impossible not to tell B. There might be a bit of "shooting the messenger", so this might lose you both A and B. A would not be my friend after this, I'd worry what she might see me do (park wrongly/ forget to send back the voter registration/ help my kid with homework...) and who she might report it to if she imagines a slight.

mileend2bermondsey · 23/09/2015 14:01

Bubbles I think you missed the sarcasm in my post.

Garrick · 23/09/2015 14:15

It's breathtakingly naive to think that benefit fraud reduces the amount available to genuine claimants. The government reduces the amount available because it doesn't think anyone should get money without working in non-existent jobs unless, natch, they are an MP/Lord or a tax-dodging multimillionaire.

The amount of benefits unclaimed far exceeds the amount lost to fraud (and the larger amount lost to DWP error.)

CatEye, it's a good idea to see if you can phone or write to say the report was malicious. You never know, it might help. I would tell B what A has done.

goddessofsmallthings · 23/09/2015 14:31

How much is the sum in question and what were the terms of the loan with regard to repayment?

In the event that her dp stays over now and again, B should take steps to ensure that any evidence of his presence (shaving gear/clothing etc) is removed from her home asap.

I would question A's motives for reporting as it should be patently obvious to her that if B's benefits are stopped, or she should get a custodial sentence for fraud, A can kiss goodbye to her money.

People don't usually boast about spiteful acts they have committed under the cloak of anonymity and, in telling you, it may be that A has some regret or misgiving about her actions and wants B to be tipped off.

In any event, if this is what she capable of after a friendship of long duration, I would steer clear of A and be extremely circumspect about confiding any of my business in her.

CrapBag · 23/09/2015 14:46

Ok, A is a shit to do it out of spite.

You don't sound like you know for definite if B's partner is living there.

Benefit fraud is disgusting and I've no time for it. The people I have known doing it (I was younger and wasn't really aware back then) knew exactly what they were doing. They weren't on the breadline, they are just entitled and grabby and it disgusts me.

"Exactly Mine. People do what they have to in order to survive. It's corrupt to report people"

This is the stupidest statement I have ever read on here. WTF. No it isn't corrupt to report people. And no they aren't all doing it to survive ffs.

As someone who semi relies on benefits that could be taken away at any time, it really boils my piss that there are those who play the system and get away with it and that is why anyone on benefits gets stigmatised, seen as a scrounger and partly for the reason the government is targeting benefits. We all get tarred with the same brush as the people who are on the fiddle.

If you think B genuinely isn't committing benefit fraud, warn her ASAP so she can prepare, confront A and have nothing to do with her again as she has shown that she can be a nasty piece of work.

Babyroobs · 23/09/2015 15:39

Crapbag - Excellent post, I can't be doing with people who make out that those comitting benefit fraud do so because they are struggling to get by. I have known quite a few who claimed to be 'lone 'parents whilst having their well paid partner virtually living with them ( yet keeping his 'official ' address at his mums). They are just plain greedy ( days out, foreign holidays etc )and playing the system because they think they can get away with it.

Original poster
CatEyeFlick · 23/09/2015 16:13

goddess it is quite a lot, a few hundred quid initially

it always amazes me that so many on mumsnet claim to know people who play the system and have loads of money, luxuries and holidays, I have never met anyone, the one person I know who ended up getting done for benefit fraud was claiming as a single person because her "d"p was beating her, cheating on her and not contributing a penny so she didn't dare stop claming ...she certainly wasn't living the high life

OP posts:
CookieMonsterIsOnADiet · 23/09/2015 16:48

Friend or not, stealing is wrong. There's a whole host of information that has to be given when reporting so your friend must have proof. If the other is doing nothing wrong, then nothing will come of it.

If it's true, you should be more disgusted with the person stealing than the person reporting.

There are always excuses given as to why people commit fraud and why a blind eye should be turned, most don't do it as they are struggling at all. Claiming as a single person nets a lot in benefits without the addition of a partners salary that's not being declared.

Osolea · 23/09/2015 16:58

A wouldn't have any chance of getting her money back if she stopped being friendly towards b,so I don't think you can blame her for that.

If she's done something out of spite, then YANBU to think less of her. But if it's likely that fraud is being committed, then it should be reported. Personally, I'd think less of people who turned a blind eye to it and let it go when they had the option of stopping public money being stolen.

I think if you know A would have stayed quiet if she knew there was fraud going on, but was prepared to report just for the sake of being nasty, then A isn't a very nice person.

Chattymummyhere · 23/09/2015 17:05

Depending on how long ago A reported it B could already be being watched so if you tip her off it won't help her it will make her look guilty if their routines suddenly change.

They won't just take some letters as proof and they won't write before they start watching her. The best thing to do would be to sit back but offer food for her children if she has any if her benefits are stopped.

It could also be A is lying and trying to get you so say something to B then A can go no I never and she didn't and so B falls out with you for making things up.

Garrick · 23/09/2015 17:06

Everybody knows a benefit cheat Hmm Round here, I'm the one that everybody knows. Because everybody's a doctor, everybody knows it's really easy to con stacks of money out of the government, and everyone can see I have too many nice things.

You can't win, actually. If I never left the house, they'd be saying I don't make the effort; if I didn't have any tidy clothes they'd say I've lost my self respect.

Sorry, OP - can't help going slightly off topic when this comes up!

Frequency · 23/09/2015 17:11

I too have never met a benefit cheat, living it up on the tax payers expense.

I know a struggling single parent, who gives the odd haircut here and there for a bit of cash in hand. I don't exactly how much she gets extra a week, but it's not much, maybe £10-£15 on average £20 on a good week.

The 'extra' money she gets, goes towards paying for books and after school clubs for her child. I don't see how that is living it up.

Saying that I've never met any of those oh-so-common generations on welfare families that every MNetter seems to know, so maybe I don't read the fail get out enough.

Original poster
CatEyeFlick · 23/09/2015 17:13

aww its ok Garrick i know where you are coming from... my best friend is unable to work through ill healt, everyone has an opinion Hmm people are twats Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
CatEyeFlick · 23/09/2015 17:15

exactly frequency some people don't live in the real world and read too many tabloids

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 23/09/2015 17:19

If A has done it purely out of spite with no evidence, then Yanbu.

If there is basis to the allegations, Yabu. Fraud is fraud. People who play the system just because they can aren't some kind of urban legend.

WhereYouLeftIt · 23/09/2015 17:28

If B were committing benefit fraud then I would have no problem with her being reported. But you seem fairly sure that B is not doing so. It sounds as if you think A doesn't actually think so either, so she hasn't actually reported benefit fraud; she has slandered B (made false and damaging statements).

Not only would I think less of A, I would tell her I thought less of her. I'd also warn B that this has happened. If her benefits are stopped whilst she is investigated Sad maybe some warning will help (e.g. delay buying stuff that would otherwise be bought). She also needs to know that B is not her friend.

And lastly it was shitty of A to tell you about this, it was placing the burden of her actions on you. Do not keep A's secret, she doesn't deserve it.