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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be concerned about this girl

110 replies

JKsHair · 23/09/2015 09:51

Apologies if this post is a bit convoluted.

My DC go to a primary school which is attached to a secondary. One of the families at the school have DC at the primary and secondary. The oldest girl left the secondary six months ago to have a baby, she was year 11 when she left. She has a younger sister in Year 9 and then some siblings in the primary school.

Since she had the baby I think i've seen her twice with the child. She came to pick up her siblings with the baby a few times just after she had the child and came to the primary sports day with the rest of her family. The mum/dad/grandparents also came.

Since then the baby is always with the younger girl (the girl in year 9). She takes the younger DC to school in the morning and always has the baby with her. Sometimes she has her uniform on but doesn't seem to be going to school as I see her pushing the pram the opposite way on the way home. She also picks the DC up from the primary before the secondary kicks out. Yesterday I picked DS from football and she had the baby again and was picking one of her siblings up from the club.

I've seen her quite a few times in the local area pushing the pram around (again she sometimes has her uniform on but doesn't seem to be near the school). She picks the youngest DC up most days. My friend has a DS in her year and I asked him last week if he knew her and he said I think she only comes in half days nobody really knows her.

Anyway cut to this morning and I was walking behind her after drop off and her older sister (the babies mum) came the other way. Younger girl shouts at her 'where the fuck have you been you need to take x' the older girl shouts back 'I'm not fucking taking her i've got to go to y's house fucking take her home' Hmm Ignoring the swearing AIBU to think someone should be asking why this girl seems to be taking care of this baby and siblings all day and not in school?

I was speaking to DP about it and he said its none of my business and she probably doesn't look after her all day. He also said the school probably know whats going on and don't need me gossiping.

OP posts:
MrsLeighHalfpenny · 23/09/2015 09:57

I probably agree with DP, although my heart goes out to all of the kids in the family.
They are doubtless on their schools' radar and Social Services as well.

MissFitt68 · 23/09/2015 10:01

Non of your business I'm afraid

School will be on it

LoseLooseLucy · 23/09/2015 10:05

Agree with the 'none of your business' too.

It does sound awful though.

Mrsjayy · 23/09/2015 10:05

Thats a shame poor girl not sure what you can do about it though

OhWotIsItThisTime · 23/09/2015 10:10

The school will be on it, particularly her attendance.

Spartans · 23/09/2015 10:20

I am going to disagree with the others. Plenty of schools let pupils down or miss something. It's unlikely but does happen.

I would speak to the school or maybe social services for at least some advice.

I couldn't live with myself if nothing was done and she needed help and I assumed someone else would sort it

Badders123 · 23/09/2015 10:22

This whole "none of your business" attitude is exactly why people get away with abusing and neglecting kids.
I think it is your business, and the business of anyone who gives as shit about child abuse and neglect.
I would contact the school and raise your concerns and also contact SS.
You can do both anonymously.

wotoodoo · 23/09/2015 10:31

Shame on anyone who says 'none of your business'! Of course it's not right which is why the op has posted!

Op thank god there are people like you who care. You can talk to the school, social services and you could even befriend the girl.

Sounds a very sad and difficult time for all concerned not least for the baby.

claraschu · 23/09/2015 10:32

This seems like a very clear case of neglect. I don't see what harm could possibly come from talking to the school. They probably already know, but then your concern will not hurt anyone.

InimitableJeeves · 23/09/2015 10:36

I really don't think that "none of your business" is conceivably the right response. There are far too many neglected children who fall through the net because everybody who knows about the situation thinks it's none of their business. Yes, the school and social services may know about this situation but, as history demonstrates, they may not - on any interpretation it can do no harm to alert social services and maybe the NSPCC.

LadyNym · 23/09/2015 10:38

Potential child neglect is anyone's business who suspects it! Perhaps the school are handling it or there's more going on than you know about but perhaps this whole family are being terribly let down and everyone's assuming someone else will report it/deal with it.

I think you should at least call the NSPCC for advice.

MTPurse · 23/09/2015 10:41

Do You know for definite it is the older girls baby? Could it be the Year 9 girls Baby?

LoseLooseLucy · 23/09/2015 10:41

There is no evidence the baby is being neglected.

If the younger girl is missing school, the relevant authorities will have been informed.

Social workers wouldn't bat an eyelid over bad language being used by or in front of minors.

I had to look after my younger siblings when I was a child myself, and also pick them up from primary school, as do many young people.

There is nothing in the OP which smacks of neglect to me.

Sighing · 23/09/2015 10:43

Year 9 is under 16? I'd raise something as a lot of primary schools don't allow collection of children by under 16. It's a start. The girl shouldn't be missing out on education in order to be lumbered with responsibility. It could be another reason (illness/ mental health/ exclusion) that she's off school. But. She shouldn't be left to it like that. Just ask if the school are aware as it looks "off" to you and step back into obscurity.

KittyandTeal · 23/09/2015 10:43

I'm going against the grain here and saying the 'not your business' attitude is how and why families like this slip through the net.

I'm betting school will have an idea, be involved and possibly have ss involved. However, as a teach I also know just how awful things have to be before a family can get decent support from outside services atm.

The more people who report these incidents the more of a picture can be built up by the school and the stronger position they are in to get additional support for the family/girls.

I would just call the school and tell them you would like your 'report' to be passed on to the safeguarding coordinator. That's all, they can do with the info as they feel they need to.

Sighing · 23/09/2015 10:44

(Ps no evidence of neglect just to query the school collection policy etc)

LisbethSalandersLaptop · 23/09/2015 10:45

where does it say the baby is being neglected?
Maybe it is the younger child's baby, that is why she only does half days.

kesstrel · 23/09/2015 10:45

Would the school really know that the girl was pushing a pram around for large parts of the day rather than ill / off messing around?

Would social services know? Families often lie to social services about this kind of thing. They need as much information as they can get.

Definitely contact social services. From the attitude of the mother, the baby could be at risk, quite apart from the problems for the Year 9 girl.

CloakAndJagger · 23/09/2015 10:47

I don't think it would hurt for you to go and speak to the Y9 girls school. Explain what you've seen and that you're concerned.

Maybe the school know, maybe they don't, but it won't harm anyone for you to raise it. If school don't know then it may actually be helpful.

KitZacJak · 23/09/2015 10:47

Well the girl in year 9 must only be 13 so not really old enough to be looking after a baby by herself in my opinion so it is a potentially dangerous situation depending on her level of maturity. Of course you should report it, what happens if something bad happens to the baby? Not to mention that the girl in year 9 shouldn't be burdened with looking after all the kids when she should be in school learning.

CocktailQueen · 23/09/2015 10:49

I thin it is absolutely your business - and that of anyone else who is concerned!! Ffs.

Do you know her name? I'd definitely report to SS. The family may well be on their radar, but she should be at school, not babysitting.

traviata · 23/09/2015 10:51

exactly, it's not the baby who is being neglected based on what OP has said, but the Yr 9 girl whose childhood & education is being destroyed.

LisbethSalandersLaptop · 23/09/2015 10:54

Yes report it. You only have to send one email.
While 'NOne of your business' is an automatic reaction for many of us, sadly this is why some children have such shitty lives.
REport it and put your mind at rest.

LineyReborn · 23/09/2015 10:59

I feel sorry for the Year 9 girl who is what, only 13? Her education is going down the pan.

The school may well fine and possibly prosecute her parents for her non-attendance, but that hardly helps the Year 9 girl.

Who is speaking up for her?

jonicomelately · 23/09/2015 11:00

Completely disagree with the none of your business brigade. Schools don't always have an idea of everything that's going on in their their pupils lives. The welfare of a thirteen year old girls is everyones' business. The fact that so many people are willing to ignore what's staring them in the face is the reason why so many girls were abused for years in Rochdale...