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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be concerned about this girl

110 replies

JKsHair · 23/09/2015 09:51

Apologies if this post is a bit convoluted.

My DC go to a primary school which is attached to a secondary. One of the families at the school have DC at the primary and secondary. The oldest girl left the secondary six months ago to have a baby, she was year 11 when she left. She has a younger sister in Year 9 and then some siblings in the primary school.

Since she had the baby I think i've seen her twice with the child. She came to pick up her siblings with the baby a few times just after she had the child and came to the primary sports day with the rest of her family. The mum/dad/grandparents also came.

Since then the baby is always with the younger girl (the girl in year 9). She takes the younger DC to school in the morning and always has the baby with her. Sometimes she has her uniform on but doesn't seem to be going to school as I see her pushing the pram the opposite way on the way home. She also picks the DC up from the primary before the secondary kicks out. Yesterday I picked DS from football and she had the baby again and was picking one of her siblings up from the club.

I've seen her quite a few times in the local area pushing the pram around (again she sometimes has her uniform on but doesn't seem to be near the school). She picks the youngest DC up most days. My friend has a DS in her year and I asked him last week if he knew her and he said I think she only comes in half days nobody really knows her.

Anyway cut to this morning and I was walking behind her after drop off and her older sister (the babies mum) came the other way. Younger girl shouts at her 'where the fuck have you been you need to take x' the older girl shouts back 'I'm not fucking taking her i've got to go to y's house fucking take her home' Ignoring the swearing AIBU to think someone should be asking why this girl seems to be taking care of this baby and siblings all day and not in school?

I was speaking to DP about it and he said its none of my business and she probably doesn't look after her all day. He also said the school probably know whats going on and don't need me gossiping.

OP posts:

Handywoman · 23/09/2015 21:06

I would absolutely report all this to children's services. All of it. I would have no hesitation. It may spark a review of the case/new social worker or fresh look at the family.

InimitableJeeves · 23/09/2015 21:13

Brioche, if the girl is repeatedly seen out of school during school hours, it may be that a primary schoolteacher has reported it but it would appear that no-one is doing anything effective about it. And it may be that the primary teachers are like you, assuming that someone else has reported it. Either way, what harm does it do for OP to report?

ValancyJane · 23/09/2015 21:37

I would email the secondary school (they will absolutely not pass on that you have done this to the family or girl concerned) or would ring social services myself. Quite possibly both. I would put money on them being on social services radar, and the schools being aware of the issues at home, but occasionally one slips through the net and it's better to pass this on than sit on the knowledge. I teach in a secondary school, and I know that in our case we would definitely want to know about a student in this situation. Please do send the email / make the call!

Brioche201 · 23/09/2015 22:41

The Primary school teachers of the attached school HAVE A LEGAL DUTY TO REPORT IT

margeys · 23/09/2015 22:56

That doesn't mean they will have.

MillionToOneChances · 23/09/2015 23:04

Just home from Safeguarding training. Look up your county's safeguarding team and report. Definitely.

If all the facts are already known to them then no harm, no foul. You might, on the other hand, be giving them a missing part of the picture that triggers real help for that family.

CrapBag · 23/09/2015 23:07

I would report it.

And there is no reason to think the teachers will have seen her dropping off and picking up the other children. Most parents at my DCs school,leave them in the playground and wait outside after school where the children are released from their classrooms and not watched where they go. It's totally feasible that the teachers don't see who they are going to if the children are in the juniors.

Lurkedforever1 · 23/09/2015 23:28

Who cares whether legally it's the teachers duty to report it? The teacher who may be aware of nothing except the fact she's been excluded. Morally don't we all have a duty to report anything of that nature?

unlucky83 · 23/09/2015 23:40

I would say report - to the secodnary school.
I had concerns about a child who was friendly with one of my DCs - nothing major but just a few things that made me feel a bit uncomfortable. Also someone else said something to me in passing that made me think they had noticed something not quite right too.
I was talking to a friend who is a teacher (completely different area) - was I over-reacting or did they think this parent sounded a bit lax?
She said to report to the school - there will someone responsible for safeguarding and it will go on the child's file and if there are enough small things reported, especially by different people, SS would get involved.
I was shocked - didn't want to get the other parent in trouble, cause them a lot of hassle etc. Just thought they might be struggling (single parent, 4 DCs), maybe someone should have a quiet word - but then I didn't think I could or was the right person do it...
The teacher said that by the sounds of it the parent just needed support and advice and they would get that from SS - maybe could arrange a break/extra childcare for the younger siblings etc - having SS contact wasn't necessarily a bad thing - it could be helpful.

Finally the teacher also said the very fact I had mentioned it them meant they had a duty to report - I don't know if they did or not. (I did)
Things do seem to have improved a lot - although there are still a few things that are a bit . (Eg child under 10 expected to walk over a mile home on their own in the dark. Another parent gave them a lift instead).

Spartans · 24/09/2015 06:54

brioche do schools always get it right? Have children ever slipped through the net and left people asking 'how didn't they notice?' After something bad has happened?

How many families have had something bad happen even though SS are involved, sometimes because the family is very good at blocking them and hiding information about what's really happening? Or because they just miss certain things?

You may not report, that's up to you. However to suggest 'ah someone else will have noticed' is turning your back on a child who may need more help. What if they haven't?

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