To be feeling so upset and conflicted about this decision?

[Sinkingships]

Really struggling with this right now.

Things are complicated as you may know from my previous threads.

I have come to realise that I cannot live a life so far from my DC's. I knew that I would leave where I'm living right now to move closer to them after I finish my course of study but I feel like I just can't wait that long.

So now I have a decision to make.

I either leave being my friends, my home, the place I love living and my partner and transfer to a new course of study closer to them.

I stay here and commit to the whole length of the course, running the risk that I may leave part way through and lose my opportunity to get my degree and realise that I will have to leave in two years anyway.

On the face of it it almost seems like an easy decision. I desperately want to be closer to my DC's but I will be moving there with no job, no place to live, and hardly any money, plus the new city is notoriously expensive to live and travel in.

I desperately love DP and I don't want to leave him but I know he won't move with me and it wouldn't be fair of me to ask him to leave his whole life behind for me. I want him to be happy. And I know deep down that our life together isn't going to work long term while I'm so far from the DC's. It's breaking my heart just thinking about it but I don't think I can stay or I will just be putting it off for two years.

The only way to build a better r/s is to see them more isn't it!

? Can you really not change your work hours? You could travel on megabus? / online sites advertising lift shares?
I once for work had to commute weekly almost 300 miles... Was hours and very expensive by public transport .. So? I hitchhiked twice... And the found a thoroughly decent chap doing the same journey weekly who appreciated the company, and who I could pay in breakfasts en route... Not ideal I realise!

If you really can't change your work to see them at weekends for the next couple of years (also I guess you realise that in year2 and 3 degree course ramps up!?) then I would do everything to move back closer... I really can't see any benefit in staying with a man who you're intending leaving in 2 years anyway?

Your degree? So Ou to complete the academic bits? It sounds as if there is some you. Can't do online. Transfer to another closer uni this year /next year or. 5 years time. Often Cat can be taken and changed to a different degree at a later stage, obvs depending on modules.

I can't even think about the day they left without it triggering a massive emotional breakdown. I had a panic attack just watching something related on TV. I have nightmares and flashbacks. The only way I'm coping with life at the moment really, if I'm honest, is to bury it deep, plaster on a smile and do something else to distract me from the pain. My body, mind and soul are at breaking point.

I think you need to urgently get some counselling OP. If you are at Uni then speak to Student Services and see if they can hook you up with a therapist. Also maybe try Women's Aid and ask for a list of counsellors they recommend in your area - I am guessing that some sort of domestic abuse is involved in your backstory and maybe you didn't get the appropriate support for that at the time. Lots of therapists offer sliding fee scales so that people on low income can access support. Women's Aid will advise.

Having read the thread I really think that you need to get advice that is based on an understanding of you and your whole story. That clearly can't happen on this thread. Best of luck OP.

I think you should put going to university on the back burner and focus on sorting yourself out.

Move nearer to your children, apply for jobs that come with accommodation, catering and hospitality for instance. If you are still young enough consider applying for a room in a YMCA hostel. Get your counselling. spend as much time with your children as you can, with your parents' support. If it's breaking your heart being far from them, and it's upsetting them as well then I just don't see how anything else can stand in the way of you doing that, and certainly not a degree which if it's a foundation level degree is hardly going to propel you into some high earning career in two years time anyway.

Believe me, they will NOT forgive you, in years to come, if they think you could have done more to be near them and you allowed other things/men/ambitions to be your priority. That's really all there is to it.

PrivatePike I'm pretty sure I remember quite a bit about the OP's background as well, if she is who I think she is then she has talked about it in quite a bit of detail actually, so I don't see the point in being reluctant to do so now, when it would add important context.

I'm starting to wonder if the university thing is OCD

right- firstly, don't know your old username so don't have ancient history- sorry if it's relevant.

OP I think the problem is that (probably quite justifiably) you don't want to provide the relevant context to allow anyone to provide informed advice. For example, we don't know what degree you're doing and where, so we really can't advise on whether that is likely to lead to better employment or not (it's not automatic by any means) and therefore for us to weigh up the benefit of completing your degree vs. spending more time with your DC is quite hard.

Previous threads point to your Ex-H being an utter dick and your current DP not being much better, but then you're saying you're madly in love with him and leaving him is a big issue, which does somewhat call your judgement into question. Then, you also seem unable to let go of the ex (i'm counting 3 ex-themed threads in 3 months). You say he's out of your life but it seems like you're actually obsessed with him.

Then there's the whole SS thing. Tbh (and this is purely a statement of fact) I think most of us find it quite hard to believe that SS removed your children due to a carelessly placed calpol bottle, otherwise all our kids would be in care. I don't necessarily think you're lying in that I think you believe what you're saying, but I think to an impassive observer, there are likely to be other factors that you don't recognise yourself for whatever reason.

I just worry that you're clinging to the degree as something that will miraculously sort everything out, whereas in actual fact, a lack of a degree isn't the major problem.

KeyserSophie - If you took the time to do a search for her username, you'd get a good idea of the background to this.

Oh was this the poster who couldn't get the kids to school on time and had a pot smoking dp? It's ringing a bell.

So not exDPs fault the DCs were removed then?

Wow, I didn't know it was her!

Op may have moved off this thread, but if you are reading, saying you love them just isn't enough. You have to act as though you do.

Did not you say in one of the previous threads that they don't offer the course you are studying in any of all London universities where your parents live? And now it looks like transfer is possible...