Asking for my money back from cleaner?

[Gobbolinothewitchscat]

We have had the same cleaner for 7 years and introduced her to various groups ends whom she cleans for too as originally she was very reliable

In the last year or so, she has become much Jess reliable. As I'm a bit of a soft touch, I've tended to just let things go and probably been the client most taken advantage of. For example, I have a 2 year old and a 1 year old and am 32 weeks pregnant so getting out of the house is a bit of a mission. However, I do go out when cleNer comes to let her have the run of the place and make it easier. On numerous ocassions, I've just been strapping everyone into the car to see her disappearing into the neighbour's that she cleans for. When I ask her what's happening, she'll say that she hadn't been able to clean for them that week so was just going to do that now and asks if she can come to us another day. I have always said yes but been a bit pissed off as I've had no notice what so ever and if I hadn't bumped into her then she just wouldn't have turned up.

Anyway......we went away on holiday for two weeks and got home yesterday to find that the cleaning money had been taken but no cleaning at all had been done. I texted to find out what had happened and cleaner said she was confused and thought I had wanted her to have a two week break between coming but had come in for 1 week. It just didn't make sense as my text was explicitly clear plus it was obvious that she hadn't done any cleaning at all. I have texted back to say I was struggling to see what cleaning had been done but was she coming this week? No response at all.

DH has said we need someone reliable and I agree so we've decided to look for a new cleaner. I just want the keys back but DH thinks I should also ask for one week of money back. We don't think cleaner has done any cleaning at all but by her own admission, she only came for one week.

I just feel a bit awkward about asking for the money and just want to draw a line under things as quickly as possible. I'm actually not liking forward to saying we don't need her anymore and feel like I need to do it face to face as a text would be a bit off. AIBU to ask for the money back? Also, do I need to end things face to face?

Forgot to add, this attitude is called the "soft bigotry of low expectations" or the "racism of low expectations." You may think you are being right on and all very nice, but actually you are being really prejudiced in that you don't think she should be held to the same standards as you.

I actually think I'm being quite passive aggressive, TBH

I can't really see how, in all honesty, the cleaner could keep the money - I don't owe her notice etc. If she does, then it affirms my views re: her honesty.

Same, Bogey!! I hate confrontation too but she was finally offering to make amends for stealing from you, OP. Not too late to say "actually, I can't stop thinking about the money issue so yes, I would appreciate it back, thank you."

Daemon I don't think the OP has mentioned race at all has she (apologies if I missed this) but even so it's bad behaviour either way race shouldn't come into it as an issue, poor service is poor service.

The service the OP received is shocking and rather typical of the 'cash in hand' types who are not registered legally as self-employed and often committing benefit fraud.

Yes we do not know for sure she was doing this but my message is, make sure your cleaner is a legitimate trade and is registered with HMRC as a tax paying business and that she/he has insurance in place, these are the two hall marks of a professional cleaner/cleaning service.

Yes these can STILL offer poor service for one reason or another but the other type are far more likely to not be taking their business seriously - because they are not in business, they are getting away with working for cash and are not interested in customer satisfaction or service level.

Daemon also if you take race out of it I strongly agree with you last post when pertaining to cleaners and the cleaning industry, it is one of the best things I have ever read, it is VERY patronising to the industry as a whole and all the services out there who try to provide the best level of service they can to accept that a cleaner may be considered in any way acceptable to carry on in this way. A misunderstanding is one thing but this was no misunderstanding.

This perception of low expectation of cleaners behaviour lowers the standards of the industry, both the customer and the cleaning service deserve to be perceived as separate and different to these underhand types, there is no shortage of work and they will always walk among us and clients must have filters in place when they meet their potential cleaner to spot a potential situation where they could be ripped off and taken advantage of, the best filters are - ask for evidence of insurance and don't pay cash in hand these will help you weed out some potential problems.

Clients deserve excellent, or at least good, honest service and equally cleaning services deserve to be respected as operating responsibly and to have adequate service level expected from them.

Nobody on either side of the service, clients nor cleaners should be tolerating shady cleaning services who appear dishonest and cannot back up their presence within the industry with correct documentation.

I used hassle.com last time and they are really good it's a flat rate and they match you up with local cleaners.

I think this is a simple case of catastrophizing by the OP. She wanted her keys and money back; the cleaner said she would give the keys and money back!
It's unfortunate that OP did a lot if handwringing and tied herself in knots to get to that point.
Good luck in your search for a new cleaner OP.

Oh and YY to what Kitten said - please get the money back!

The point is allnew the cleaner tried to keep the money without providing service!

daemon - why are you assuming that she is a different race? . She's not - although she's a different nationality - albeit still from within the EU

I do honestly think I would have been similarly PA with a UK cleaner

I've been thinking about this -whilst wading through dirty nappies - I think the underlying issue is that I was a bit surprised that the husband phoned me. I suspect he hoped to talk us round. I've made the decision that I want to part ways so, in a way, I don't want the money back as I don't want there to be any confusion that that somehow makes everything "alright" - that somehow it's been a silly muddle about money.

DH has said - and I think he's correct - that cleaner will no doubt be concerned that we will be telling our friends that she cleans for. They are basically the rest of her client base

Gobbo - you owe it to your friends to tell them and also her repaying you DOESN'T make it right, take it she owes it fair and square.

If you don't take it and tell your friends you are allowing this.

Ask yourself, why, in an industry where there are far more potential clients than there are service providers, why then does she only have your friends as a client base! I have never heard of this, within the circles of professional cleaners I mix some are solo and ALL cannot meet demand.

I also know a lady with a cleaning company who needs to charge £18 per hour to keep her company in profit, she has 33 staff (or more now) and she cannot hire and train fast enough to meet the demand.

Why then can you cleaner not get other work? Could it be because she is not honest??

Take YOUR money OP, it wasn't a misunderstanding!

I would definitely change the locks. It's fairly inexpensive and easy to just change the barrel of a Yale type lock.

DaemonPantalaemon - I've had similar issues with white, British cleaners. By saying "there is definitely a racial issue here" without evidence, aren't you jumping to conclusions and, in your own way, being rather prejudiced? I'm sure that the cultural phenomenon of "racism of low expectations" exists, but you really can't claim this is it without actually establishing the circumstances.

I can't really see how, in all honesty, the cleaner could keep the money - I don't owe her notice etc. If she does, then it affirms my views re: her honesty.

Well she will now because you told her to, she cant do right for doing wrong now can she?!

I don't know bogey. I see your point but if I had taken money that I wasn't owed, I would return it. Whatever the person paying it said

But, as I said in my later post, I don't want this to be a case of "oh, the money's back and it was all a big muddle etc"

I think I will have to tell the friends she cleans for too....

Apologies if I got hold of the wrong end of the stick. I asked you a question very early on Gobbolino about the racial dynamics earlier on and received no response from you. But you have now said that she is a different EU ethnicity.

I do not want to belabour the point but I feel very strongly that things would have been different if she was not of a different ethnicity. There is kind of over-niceness that I have noticed with white English middle class women when dealing with lower class persons of a different background.

Sorry if this offends, but I know people want to change the world and all, but sometimes, it really does result in the racism of lowered expectations.
Danglyearrings, you are FANTASTIC! Thanks for understanding my point :)

There is kind of over-niceness that I have noticed with white English middle class women when dealing with lower class persons of a different background.

You are seriously over thinking this and making massive generalisations. The OP is clearly just a nice person not wanting to upset or offend anyone.

I've had cleaners and other household personnel of all nationalities including white. As an Asian I've behaved in exactly the same way as the OP - skirting round the issue, letting people 'get away with things' and eventually letting them go on other pretexes.

She's just taking the easy way out. Nothing to do with white guilt etc. Also nothing wrong with being nice.

OP, she was totally taking advantage of you. You did the right thing as it would only continue to escalate.

Did she leave the keys op? And the money?

Hello - she did return the keys along with one week of money.

I feel relieved it's sorted out. Each week I used to go out and not know if/when cleaner was coming. Went out yesterday and knew she would be coming and it was actually a lot less stressful as I know where I am.

Now need to find a new cleaner. Am wondering if company is the way to go. I just want as little hassle as possible

Would not be coming

Glad she returned the keys and money. It's horrible knowing there is confrontation.

Daemon You have clearly got a bee in your bonnet here, and overanalysing. I had a very similar situation, see an earlier post but my cleaner was white British. You could easily say I was over-nice and by your terms assume there was an ethnicity difference. Why not just get on with and enjoy life without making everything about race??