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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is taking my DC out of school really so bad??

305 replies

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 19/09/2015 19:51

I'm getting a lot of shit judgement from DH's parents about our holiday plans.

I thought long and hard about it and decided that it would be okay to take them out of school given that my youngest is only in nursery (so not compulsory) and my oldest is only in year one and it will just be the week before Christmas and I don't feel she'll miss anything crucial.

My DH is told when he can have time off and has to take projects when they're offered, which means that often he won't see the kids from Monday to Friday (which I know is common) and pretty horrible.

So we booked a holiday for this time, went for lunch at PIL's after and ended up having a huge row with them over booking it during school time.

I know this can be a sore subject, but a week of essentially watching videos and having carol concerts isn't really as important as getting to spend a whole week with your dad is it?

(Dons hard hat!)

OP posts:
starlight2007 · 20/09/2015 22:27

To be honest I think the fact there can be no special cases is exactly the problem..

The children whose lives are too chaotic that they regularly miss school, who are struggling to keep up with lessons because they are going to school would be the people I would prioritize as the people who need support to get themselves.. We are facing cuts all over the place..lets help those kids really struggling not the ones off to go have a week off a year.

MidniteScribbler · 21/09/2015 01:02

We've just finished term 3 here, and I had a child who missed the last two weeks of school as she went on holidays. She missed a vital component of the curriculum, and arrived back on the day we test what they have learnt over the unit (two days before the end of term). Cue her parents coming in the next day demanding to know why she hasn't made any progress as per the results I sent home the previous night and apparently I should have taught her everything she missed within that one day she came back. Somehow it is all my fault that she hasn't made progress and not the fact that she spent the last two weeks playing in a pool whilst the other children were learning.

If you take your child out of school for a holiday, then they will miss things. It is then going to impact the teacher and the rest of the class while they have to catch up on everything that they missed.

Blu · 21/09/2015 08:38

My child missed a whole half term in primary, and everyone fell over themselves to reassure me that it would make no difference in the long term. Especially when I was trying to get some help. And now he is in top sets and performing at top levels at secondary .

I would never advocate removing a child from education on a whim, or for frivolous reasons , but the reaction is very different if your reasons are not enviable (as ours weren't)

tiggytape · 21/09/2015 10:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheNewStatesman · 21/09/2015 10:28

If it's the time of year when the class is "winding down" (DVDs, coloring and similar non-academic activities) then feel free to remove your kid.

If it is a time of year when actual academics is being taught, I think removing a child can still be OK but only if the parents are OK with making sure that any missed content gets taught over the weekend or evenings or whatever. It's important not to create a lot of extra work for teachers.

KitZacJak · 21/09/2015 10:32

YANBU - you need to grab family time where you can. They are only young once.

goindowntoyasgursfarm · 21/09/2015 13:35

The problem is that everyone is just thinking about themselves and what they want

Got it in one, Wombat.

Byrdie · 21/09/2015 14:04

We did it twice (once in reception for a week and once in year 2 for a week). Each circumstance has to be looked at on a case by case basis. Yes it was for a holiday BUT first time was to see seriously ill grandad and spend a potentialy last xmas abroad with him (they live overseas and luckily he's getting better or at least not much worse) plus husband had first xmas off in three years. Second time i was bridesmaid for my best friend but had a tiny newborn so needed husband to help and when my mum then couldn't look after my kids because she had to fly to take care of her dad who had a bad episode, so had to take all kids with me. It was a mid week wedding out of the country where we changed all plans of romantic couple time to educational sightseeing. We made sure we did lots of historic sights, lots of opportunities for learning. Both were unauthorised officially but i had the unoffical blessing of the head with whom i'd explained it all to before we left. I was told as long as attendance is usually good and not below 95% and the child was not behind that it was ok. Unofficially. Interestingly eldest has just started private school where the rules seem incredibly relaxed "two weeks are able to be authorised for term time holiday" it states in their information pack!!! Every situation is different. Don't agree with people taking a cheaper holiday in term time for no other reason except price. Plan and book early, use vouchers or plan a cheaper holiday or even a holiday at home with day trips. I wouldn't do it except in exceptional circumstances. For me i would never take them out for funerals. I'd rather leave them in school. Family weddings, family abroad or once in a lifetime holidays.

Vickisuli · 21/09/2015 14:16

I personally wouldn't do it, partly because I don't want to pay a fine and partly because I think my kids would be so sad to miss all the Xmas excitement at school. Similarly, a couple of people I know went on summer holiday a couple of days early at the end of summer term, at the end of year 2 (when the kids were leaving that school and moving to a junior school) with the result their kids missed the leavers ceremony, end of year party treat and the whole signing everybody's shirts shenanigans. It's not education but to me that's all part of their school memories. But I guess it's what's important to you.

We won a competition to go to a theme park for free but it had to be on the penultimate day of term, the day of the leavers ceremony. We got the Head's permission to go but still went in for the ceremony and then dashed off afterwards because I didn't want her to miss it. I still felt dreadful that they took a photo in the playground later with them all with their leavers medals and she wasn't in it. Maybe I'm too sentimental but I think all that stuff is important.

Wordsmith · 21/09/2015 14:17

Most teachers and heads I know think this blanket ban is ridiculous. It was brought in as a sledgehammer to crack a walnut and meant to be a way of dealing with persistent offenders. Heads always had discretion and it's up to them if they make a big thing of it. There are many parents whose holiday scheduling is beyond their control.

spgc86 · 21/09/2015 14:22

If it's the only time you can do it. Do it. We are in a similar position. Nursery child and a year one who is ahead of where she should be academically. We have been authorised for a family holiday due to husbands work commitments. Unfortunately due to his job he can not take leAve in school holidays. The school know this, got proof and happy as long as her attendance is good and it's not every year. Family time is important too. We count our selves so lucky that we have a good school.

NeverNic · 21/09/2015 14:23

Really don't get why so many posters are taking this so personally. At the end of the day it's the op's children not yours and it's highly unlikely that her children going away will disrupt your own children's education. I don't get why everyone is being so uppity.

Personally I wouldn't take my children out of school that last week as I loved that term. Maybe Easter or summer term for the last odd days but nothing more than that, and nothing mid term as it's too disruptive. But YANBU to make a decision for your family as you feel best providing you are happy to accept any financial consequences. Mns are being unreasonable to say that your child should be expelled though. Hmm

Vickisuli · 21/09/2015 14:27

A little off topic but it irritates me that the fine system penalises larger families.

My daughter's friend had 2 weeks off in term time for a total jolly, no pretence of it being educational. It's just her and her mum so her mum would have had to pay one fine of £60, which was probably a lot less than she saved on her holiday.

If we did, it we would be fined £60 per child, per parent, so that's £360. We'd have to be spending an absolute fortune on a holiday to be saving more than that on it. (leaving aside the issue we can't afford a holiday anyway, we usually go camping for £200 total for the week for us all)

So why is it that a family of two adults and 3 kids gets penalised more than a single parent family with one child?

worriedmum100 · 21/09/2015 14:35

I take the same view on this as my mum who is a retired primary school head. She always says she had no problem with children experiencing travel and quality family time. She used to ask her children to keep a scrapbook to share with the class afterwards.

I'm usually very much a "rules are rules" person but I can't get worked up about young children missing a few days of school to experience something of the wider world if circumstances make planning a holiday outside term time difficult providing it's not in the context of poor general attendance.

tiggytape · 21/09/2015 14:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

starlight2007 · 21/09/2015 15:02

So why is it that a family of two adults and 3 kids gets penalised more than a single parent family with one child?

To clarify for you as a LP with one child. I end up paying additions costs in room supplements which can mean cost is the cost of 2 adults. I have one income to save for a holiday.

Jolyn1 · 21/09/2015 15:06

I think it's absolutely fine and although yes, they will miss the carols and other activities, it won't hurt, they will experience many of them in future years and I think the time spent with you and their father is more important.
i am quite suprised at some responses here, as if the school (and at a time when they are not taught much anyway) was more important than family. I guess I grew up in a different environment, you would definitely not pay a fine at any of my schools:-)

Wryip11 · 21/09/2015 15:13

Go for it. I have taken my kids out in primary with the blessing of the Head who agreed they would get much more out of it. Hope you have a lovely time and just ignore the naysayers - you know what is best for your family

ChocolateWombat · 21/09/2015 15:16

Earlier up thread, a teacher mentioned that in the last but one day of term,they carried out a big assessment. Much of the work towards that assessment was done in the 2 weeks leading up to it - children who missed that time due to holidays DID miss out educationally. And the teacher also reported that parents complained their children hadn't had the information they missed covered with them on their return.

It really isn't possible for parents to know exactly what will be missed during that holiday which is 6 months down the line.
Children being missing DOES slow the progress of the class, because concepts have to be covered again and time is wasted ensuring children have resources etc which were missed - so absence affects more than the child who went on holiday. Yes, there will always be children who are off through illness - this is unavoidable and acknowledged as such. Being off for holidays IS avoidable. It is a form of parents saying that they want schooling to be tailor made to their own convenience - and when you have large classes,this simply cannot be the case.

zzzzz · 22/09/2015 06:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SouthAmericanCuisine · 22/09/2015 07:57

Not passing an assessment does NOT mean you have missed out academically.

If you assume that the point of assessments is to provide the teacher with a measure of the degree and level of understanding each pupil has of a topic or subject, then missing the assessment robs the DC of the opportunity for the teacher to identify, and address, any gaps in their understanding.

I don't understand the thinking of any school who suspend learning in the last week of term in favour of films, plays and Xmas art.

It leaves them wide open to challenge; not only from parents, but also from staff, whose pay is now linked to pupil progress. If staff are not given the opportunity to maximise teaching time, then those teachers can challenge any decision made about their pay should their class not make expected progress.

SarfEast1cated · 22/09/2015 09:30

I would say go for it too. The only slight downside is that your LO may be cast in a Christmas performance they won't be there for. the more you go up the school the less you will be able to do this. I would just tell the school up front so they can do any assessments needed before you go. They won't be happy, but best to be honest than to be 'sick'. enjoy your break!

SarfEast1cated · 22/09/2015 09:35

errm, I have actually just read wombats post and may have changed my mind! Have a word with teacher/head and be guided by them...

zzzzz · 22/09/2015 11:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

goindowntoyasgursfarm · 22/09/2015 11:14

Posters are taking it personally, Nic, because when you make the decision to send your child to school rather than home-schooling them, you are opting in to a system of civic cooperation and compromise, in my opinion. You don't pick and choose the school rules that suit you.

I can't believe how many on here are selfishly saying 'do what's right for your family'. If everyone in the class had the means to do this, school would be chaos. The fact that that's just theoretical is not the point. It's not the bloody point.