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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My daughter has just become engaged.

83 replies

Lirael66 · 19/09/2015 16:32

My daughter has just become engaged. I am very happy for her and her fiancé. My family have congratulated them and us as the parents of the bride to be. My In laws have congratulated my daughter and my husband by text and telephone calls, however they have completely snubbed me. I actually feel quite hurt, I know they dislike me, but this feels awful its more than dislike, it's disrespectful. Am I just too sensitive? after all it's my daughter that is the important one and they do love her.

OP posts:

slowdancinginaburningroom · 19/09/2015 16:34

I'd feel hurt too.

But theres a backstory here, so I can't say if YABU or YANBU.

usual · 19/09/2015 16:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Canweaffordit · 19/09/2015 16:35

Congratulations!

I would assume congratulating your husband would be a congratulations to the both of you. When our baby was born people called my husband or me not both of us.

Why do you think they dislike you?

fastdaytears · 19/09/2015 16:35

Congratulations to your daughter. It's great news.

I had no idea the parents of the bride were meant to be congratulated. Is that a normal thing that I've just missed out on somehow?

AmazeMe · 19/09/2015 16:36

Are you and your husband still a couple? If so, I would assume that the text or call to him was meant for you both. It would never occur to me to text both members of a couple to congratulate them on the same thing - I would just contact the one I was closest to. Are you close to your daughters ILs to be? Because my brother had just got engaged, and I'm certain there's been no contact if any kind between my parents and his fiancée's parents, which seems perfectly normal to me, as they have never met...

AmazeMe · 19/09/2015 16:37

Yes, it would strike me as odd to congratulate the engaged couple's parents.

PookBob · 19/09/2015 16:38

It would never cross my mind to congratulate parents. It's between your daughter and her fiancé.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 19/09/2015 16:43

I don't think my parents were congratulated when we got engaged . It's not their event!

Mulligrubs · 19/09/2015 16:46

I wouldn't think to congratulate an engaged couple's parents. And your in laws congratulations to your husband may have included you anyway? If they'd snubbed your daughter I'd say YANBU since she is the one who got engaged but they have congratulated her so YABU.

ChickenTikkaMassala · 19/09/2015 16:48

The parents are not congratulated.

SmokingGun · 19/09/2015 16:48

I don't understand why you need to be congratulated? This is your DD's and her DF's happy news, not yours!

ToTheGups · 19/09/2015 16:50

I have never heard of congratulating the parents either.

Tiredstressed · 19/09/2015 16:50

It wouldn't occur to me to congratulate parents of the couple. I don't think anyone congratulated my parents when I got engaged. I would have thought it odd if they did.

cashewnutty · 19/09/2015 16:51

I expect my DD may get engaged to her bf in the very near future. I do not expect to be congratulated if this happens. I would expect people to congratulate DD and bf. Surely if your PIL called your DH about this then the congratulations extend to you too?

NerrSnerr · 19/09/2015 16:54

How strange. Why would they say congratulations to you? You're not the one getting married?

WorraLiberty · 19/09/2015 16:56

I don't understand why anyone would congratulate someone's parents because their daughter or son got engaged?

But if there's no love lost between you and your inlaws, then I definitely wouldn't expect a text or call.

TidyDancer · 19/09/2015 16:56

Is this actually a thing then? I don't think my mum was congratulated when I got engaged. Odd.

fastdaytears · 19/09/2015 16:57

So relieved it's not just that I've been offending mothers of engaged couples left right and centre!

I might send a message to say "fab news about xxx and xxx you must all be so excited" but that's not quite what you're looking for I think and the c word wouldn't come in to it.

WhoTheFIsJeff · 19/09/2015 16:59

I wouldn't congratulate the parents either.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 19/09/2015 17:00

Odd. Is it a cultural thing?

Starkswillriseagain · 19/09/2015 17:01

I'm confused about congratulating you too. Surely congratulating your husband covers you both unless they say: congrats to you but not to Lira!

msrisotto · 19/09/2015 17:01

What have you said to them?

poocatcherchampion · 19/09/2015 17:02

Use this as an opportunity to figure out how to stay cool about the wedding plans :)

MythicalKings · 19/09/2015 17:04

I can't remember anyone congratulating my parents when I got engaged that would be daft.

TowerRavenSeven · 19/09/2015 17:06

I wouldn't congratulate parents either...in fact I've been taught never to congratulate a bride because it's a way of saying, "Congratulations! You've finally hooked someone!" I always say to the bride, "I'm so happy for you" or something but Never congratulations!!

When a ndn of ours when I was living at home called my mother to tell of her daughter's engagement - whom my mother was friendly with but not 'friends' with on a Christmas Day (!!) I was mortified for her and the bride to be. It was like "My daughter is finally getting married" It was very embarrassing!

My in laws don't like me either but if they called and 'congratulated' my husband I'd take it was meant for the both of us. Don't take it to heart.

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