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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think declining the day before is inconsiderate and rude?

85 replies

coffeeisnectar · 19/09/2015 12:48

Dds birthday on Monday. She is going to be 10. Tomorrow is her party and its for 10 children, all day, at a theme park. The cost is £15.95 a head including food, all the rides and the soft play. On top of that cost is party bags.

Dd moved schools in September and invited three children from the new school and six from her old school. As of yesterday I had not heard back from four. Last night one dad sent a text saying their dc was going to a football match and can't make it and I have just got a text from another parent saying they are away this weekend so can't make it. I'm fuming. The invitations went out 10 days ago, I took them to her old school and handed them to the teacher.

I've now invited two siblings to replace those two but potentially there could be two no-shows tomorrow. I'm feeling so sad for dd who wanted her friends there and she could have invited others if they had let me know earlier!

I won't be invoicing for the places I still need to pay for but I'm so annoyed at the lack of thought!

OP posts:

Hackersschmakers · 19/09/2015 12:51

YANBU but 10 days isn't much notice either.

OneBreathAfterAnother · 19/09/2015 12:53

I was going to say YANBU but 10 days isn't much notice either. They probably thought it was okay to be a bit last minute as you were? Although the day before is still rude.

Sirzy · 19/09/2015 12:53

10 days doesn't seem much notice in the first place!

BeautyQueenFromMars · 19/09/2015 12:54

10 days is plenty of notice, especially if you know you can't make it. It's extremely rude of them OP. I hope your DD has a lovely time despite the let-down. Happy birthday to her!

Toooldtobearsed · 19/09/2015 12:55

Did the teacher pass them on immediately though? It is possible that the parents only received the invitations on Friday......

ilovesooty · 19/09/2015 12:56

I don't see why you handed the invitations to the teacher (who must have better things to do anyway). Why didn't you invite directly particularly given the short notice?

mayaknew · 19/09/2015 12:58

Yes definitely think 10 days is too short notice. At DDs last birthday I had to pay a fair bit per head so I personally got in touch with the parents about 4 weeks before and ask if thy could let me know if they could make it by x date otherwise I wouldn't be booking them a place. I think if they've only been told the week before then it's inevitable that some won't be able to make it .

Although the two that haven't even bothered to contact you that is a bit sure they should at least let you know if they are going or not .

mayaknew · 19/09/2015 13:00

..*a bit rude

Original poster

coffeeisnectar · 19/09/2015 13:17

The ones at her old school were handed to her teacher as closing time is same as dds New school. We tried to get there to hand them directly but traffic is horrendous on that route. We caught the teacher who was happy to hand them out. One of those children confirmed last weekend so quite clearly handed out last week.

10 days notice is fine. If you can't come that's fine. Just let me know!! Dd wanted to wait as she knew no one in her new school and wanted to see if she made new friends. I don't have an issue with not being able to come but not telling me until the day before is a bit unfair and no contact from two kids at all is rude.

Last Wednesday was when we dropped the invites off so kids got them Thursday.

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 19/09/2015 13:20

I'm just wondering why you had to hand out a physical invitation. Do you not have email addresses or even better phone numbers so you could have checked availability immediately?

Original poster

coffeeisnectar · 19/09/2015 13:26

No I don't. We only moved here three years ago and I don't know most of the parents. I have contact numbers for two and both of those confirmed. I've invited siblings from both families now.

If dd had still been at that school it would have been easier. But most of the kids walk home alone now so are gone as soon as they get out and the parents aren't about. These are dds school friends, not best friends. I have contact details for best friends.

Quite clearly I should have obtained contact details for every child in her year when she started in year two at this school.

OP posts:

DonkeyOaty · 19/09/2015 13:53

Oh dear

Happy birthday dd - have a great time

(Palpitations at £16 a head!)

Meandyouandyouandme · 19/09/2015 13:57

10 days is plenty of notice at the beginning of the school year, I've got two with September birthdays and it's always last minute!

rookiemere · 19/09/2015 13:59

Normally I would absolutely say that parents should give a response to a birthday party request but that's with 3-4 weeks notice which is entirely standard in our neck of the woods, given that most people have things on at the weekend.

If I received a birthday party invite for DS with 10 days notice I'd assume that we were on the drop out list of second choice invitees. I'd still respond of course, but sometimes DS forgets about invites in his bag etc. etc. so it can take a few days for them to filter through. In those circumstances parent replying a day before party is not rude.

Your choice to issue invites so late for such an expensive party. I hope your DD has a good party anyway .

Rivercam · 19/09/2015 14:09

I think 10 days is fairly short notice for a party also, and has Rookie said, you can't guarantee the invite has been passed to the parent. why didn't you ask dd to ask the kids whether they could come to the party on Thursday or Friday at school?

Happy birthday Miss Coffee

Meandyouandyouandme · 19/09/2015 14:09

Two of the no shows are doing something that was probably planned more than 10 days ago, so they should have said straightaway they couldn't come, so someone else could be invited. My DD went to a party on the first Friday back at school, 2 days notice. It's September birthdays especially if at a new school.

RandomMess · 19/09/2015 14:18

All I can see is that sometimes things slip my mind and then I suddenly think sh*t I forgot to do x.

Especially at the start of a new term when I'm not back in the flow of things or the DDs forgot to tell me about the invite until the last minute...

OneDay103 · 19/09/2015 14:20

It could be that the kid has handed it late to the parent and they've only just got it last minute and replied.

Original poster

coffeeisnectar · 19/09/2015 15:18

Dd couldn't ask the children as she's at a new school. 10 days to two weeks notice is normal I think. Couldn't do much earlier as they didn't go back to school until second week in September anyway.

I know it's expensive but dd has a few issues with making friends and she's not had a big party before. I booked it at the beginning of the year and she's so excited.

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 19/09/2015 15:20

I always put an RSVP by date. If I haven't heard from the parents by that date then I assume they are not coming. That way you don't have to pay for any extra spaces.

Fuckitfay · 19/09/2015 15:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yellowpansies · 19/09/2015 15:27

I would invite a couple of other friends or siblings to replace the two you've still not heard from.

Lurkedforever1 · 19/09/2015 15:38

Quite possible the kids didn't pass them to parents straight away. One of dds friends rarely passed anything on. Another has a parent who rarely knows her work shifts in advance, and can't commit till a few days before.

MsJamieFraser · 19/09/2015 15:45

yabu, its your own fault for not confirming the numbers before booking party, also you gave them to the school so they may not have given them out straight away, !0 days also is not enough notice, clearly others had plans and could not attend a date you gave little notice for.

Aridane · 19/09/2015 15:53

oh goodness - two weeks is too short notice? are children's social calendars so full these days? I feel s bit depressed now that my social calendar is so empty that I too would consider two weeks as being short notice...

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