to think declining the day before is inconsiderate and rude?

[coffeeisnectar]

Dds birthday on Monday. She is going to be 10. Tomorrow is her party and its for 10 children, all day, at a theme park. The cost is £15.95 a head including food, all the rides and the soft play. On top of that cost is party bags.

Dd moved schools in September and invited three children from the new school and six from her old school. As of yesterday I had not heard back from four. Last night one dad sent a text saying their dc was going to a football match and can't make it and I have just got a text from another parent saying they are away this weekend so can't make it. I'm fuming. The invitations went out 10 days ago, I took them to her old school and handed them to the teacher.

I've now invited two siblings to replace those two but potentially there could be two no-shows tomorrow. I'm feeling so sad for dd who wanted her friends there and she could have invited others if they had let me know earlier!

I won't be invoicing for the places I still need to pay for but I'm so annoyed at the lack of thought!

Personally, in a situation like that I'd have everyone meet as a group outside the place at a certain time, and then bring them all in at once to pay. If you are late you just pay to come in yourself and you're welcome to join. There's not really a cap on groups in places like that anyway.

That way you're not stressed about who comes and who doesn't. If they come, great. If not, no money wasted.

But glad it worked out for your DD!

At my kids' school - the Mums tend to send an email around about 6 weeks before the party and then paper invites show up in school bags about 3 weeks before. Last week I got a 'save the date' email for a party on 6th December! I don't how to respond. I have absolutely no idea what we're doing on 6th December...

I've done that for December with v close friends/family. If its a small party and you only want a few people you need not to class with pantomime shows/visits/carol concerts/Xmas trips. Its a minefield having a December birthday!

10 days would be unusual here simply as life gets booked up and as the kids are young birthday parties take priority. As in "oh no I won't fix up to go to the park with x, visit grandpa' that day as there's a party on.

Definitely would know at ten days if we were free (by then we usually wouldn't be) and respond though. I don't get not replying!

So glad she had a lovely time.

I send a save the date for DS's party as soon as I've figured out when it's likely to be - 3 months in advance. That way if there is something else on then I can change the date with no drop outs.

Then I issue invites about 4-5 weeks in advance with my email and phone number and a cut off date to respond. I've always had full response for all parties, either through the save the date, or the actual invite.

I don't actually see what's wrong with sending a save the date for December. It is a busy month and I'd hate DS to miss a party because we'd already organised something that he enjoyed less instead.

I thought I was quite good on etiquette, but if I received a last minute invite which I would class 10 days to be, I think replying the day before is absolutely fine.

Anyway glad the OPs DD had a good party.

Those who say ten days isn't enough notice are missing the point. Ok, you may be booked up but then you just immediately RSVP to let the person know you can't come. You don't even have to phone like in the old days - a 30 second text is all it takes. My life is so hectic I want to scream half the time but even I can find a moment to RSVP to someone who bothers to be kind enough to invite my child to a party!

Would you take ten days to reply to an email at work? Of course not!

Some here sound soooo precious that you think 'well they've only given me ten days notice the rude bastards. Don't they know how busy my life is? I will teach them to be more considerate of me and my schedule by only RSVPing the day before the party! Or not at all perhaps!'

Look I'm not saying I'm busier than anyone else, but the way it works in our household is that anything that I deem to be non-urgent i.e. a party invite will not even be read immediately. I'll put it in the paperwork pile and respond to it when I next do paperwork which is on the day I'm not at work, or the day afterwards. As this is a Friday ( not today due to BH) then if DS got an invite on a Monday, then the likelihood is that the invite would wait for 4-5 days before I responded.

I'm as delighted as anyone else that DS gets party invites, but it's nothing to do with sticking two fingers up with anyone who gives short notice, it's purely that I prioritise stuff based on importance and therefore all the day to day requirements take top priority.

I do think that the parents who didn't respond at all are rude, but I feel that if you give short notice for an expensive party then getting a response the day before the event is fine. I'm sure it was not deliberate on behalf of those parents and in my book they were given an invite with no RSVP date and they RSVPed so can't see etiquette fail.

If it had been me I would have got those invites out on the first week of term and/or if possible communicated during the holidays somehow.

I'm one that usually has/gives invites with more notice than 10 days but I do think replying the day before is a real poor show to be honest. We'd stick the invite on the fridge/wherever and I usually make a point to reply quickly as you know the person organising the party will need numbers!

The day before is far too late to sort goody bags/ change numbers etc. I'd personally have noticed it was soon and replied that day or the day after! I'd be chasing within a week...

Rookie ... glad you prioritise, but a party invite would be a priority for your child and the birthday child. Sad you cant think about others. I hope someone does this to you.

Sad you cant think about others. I hope someone does this to you.

Why so savage? Perhaps your kids should be invited to a lot of parties you consider 'expensive', be that 15 pounds per pop or 150. See how long your own priorities hold up. Inviting kids whose parents might need to balance a budget week to week was something we always kept in mind. We certainly got more last minute cancellations to the few 'expensive' parties we held, though we booked venues that were flexible on attending numbers so it was no sweat to us. I felt sorry for the kids and parents having to do the 'party Vs money' shuffle. But I suppose, in the end, money always separates wheat from the chaff and all that.

Sally thanks for your concern.

I'm a bit confused about your response as I do think of others - I respond to the party invite in what I consider to be a reasonable time frame i.e. usually within a week.

If it's someone that DS is particularly close to then it will be sooner as he'll remember the invite straight away and I'll make an effort to reply sooner if I remember. I have never not replied to a party invite.

This has never caused any problems as the norm here is for invites to go out a minimum of 4 weeks in advance as most people have busy weekend schedules.

DS's most recent party was held at a reasonably pricey venue with I think a 48 hr cancellation policy. As the invites were sent out pretty far in advance ( 5 weeks I think ?)and as it's a very popular venue with DCs, everyone responded within the required time frames.

I was much more relaxed the year before as it was a fixed price venue. In fact I kind of lost count somehow so DH had to pick up more Easter Eggs (going home present) when he got the pizzas.

I'm not saying that not replying is good no matter how short the notice. The point I'm clearly making really badly is that ways to avoid last minute no shows are a) to send out invites a bit earlier and b) to have a date you have to respond by. This has always worked well for us.