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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think declining the day before is inconsiderate and rude?

85 replies

coffeeisnectar · 19/09/2015 12:48

Dds birthday on Monday. She is going to be 10. Tomorrow is her party and its for 10 children, all day, at a theme park. The cost is £15.95 a head including food, all the rides and the soft play. On top of that cost is party bags.

Dd moved schools in September and invited three children from the new school and six from her old school. As of yesterday I had not heard back from four. Last night one dad sent a text saying their dc was going to a football match and can't make it and I have just got a text from another parent saying they are away this weekend so can't make it. I'm fuming. The invitations went out 10 days ago, I took them to her old school and handed them to the teacher.

I've now invited two siblings to replace those two but potentially there could be two no-shows tomorrow. I'm feeling so sad for dd who wanted her friends there and she could have invited others if they had let me know earlier!

I won't be invoicing for the places I still need to pay for but I'm so annoyed at the lack of thought!

OP posts:
absolutelyloveit · 19/09/2015 23:23

Tbh I'm not sure why people are getting so distracted attacking your planning methods! You could have sent out the invitations earlier and some people still wouldn't have replied till the last minute or not at all. You could even have chased people up and still have confirmed people not turn up on the day. Some people are just more flaky than others I'm afraid.

Hope your daughter has a fab birthday though, sounds fun Smile.

MagicalMrsMistoffelees · 20/09/2015 01:30

If you receive an invitation ten days before a party then you might already have plans - but if you know that you are busy on that date then you simply RSVP immediately to say you can't come!

Why would you not RSVP?! It's sooo rude! I am stunned by the fact some parents think it's acceptable to behave that way!

I hope your daughter enjoys her party.

Bogeyface · 20/09/2015 02:13

10-14 days it about right in terms of notice. Any more and I know I will forget, any less and chances are it will be a "no".

I hate people who dont reply, its just rude.

However, I got a weird invite for DD last week. On the RSVP bit instead of a mobile number it said "N/A" and I cant decide whether she is uber confident of everyone turning up or has invited a lot of family so it doesnt matter if there are no shows! I couldnt not RSVP, so I caught mum at drop off and told her that DD would be there!

GreatFuckability · 20/09/2015 02:24

look, you CHOSE such an expensive party. It really isn't anyones fault but your own if people then can't come. peoples lives dont revolve around you and your dd. sometimes people just forget in the flurry of stuff that comes home from school, people lead busy lives with jobs and activities and homework and, you know, actually having lives of their own.

donajimena · 20/09/2015 07:32

Seriously Great? Had you been on the Wine . Bonkers. Just bonkers. Do you not RSVP because you have 'a life of your own' ?
Its a party not major surgery. What do you all do if there is a funeral? You only get a week or thereabouts for one of those.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 20/09/2015 07:57

Sorry but this is a young girl, who has issues making friends, who has moved school, and just wants friends at a party. An RSVP us just a curtesy, the cost is irrelevant at this age as being with friends in your birthday is what will be remembered.

Original poster
coffeeisnectar · 20/09/2015 08:21

Sending me a text saying yes or no is not revolving their lives around me and my dd. It's manners. Something you quite clearly lack.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 20/09/2015 08:53

Yanbu.
Basic manners to reply. Even if you're the busiest person in the world.
I keep trying to be brave enough to refuse the kids entry when their parents haven't rsvp ed but I'm not brave enough.

Coconutty · 20/09/2015 09:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sandgrown · 20/09/2015 09:22

This happened at DGS party yesterday. There was a minimum number of 16 for the type of party so DDhad to pay for that number. Invites went out at beginning of term but still no reply from at least 4 people. It is so rude not to at least decline. DD had to cater and make party bags in case they showed up. Teenage siblings who had come to help had to be press ganged to join in!

Hulababy · 20/09/2015 09:35

10 Days notice is fine.
Guests get invite, check calendar and say yes/no.

It really is that simple. If someone thinks it's too short notice then they can say no.

Of course it is rude to not rsvp. Of course it is rude to leave it til a day or two beforehand.

The notice is irrelevant.

It seems the norm for some people to not rsvp - they are the ones in the wrong, no one else.

Original poster
coffeeisnectar · 20/09/2015 17:06

Well the two non responders didn't show but we had 8 kids including dd and they had a fantastic day, Sun shone, they got soaked playing on the water games and boats, they didn't stop running about all day and dd says it's the best day ever.

OP posts:
gonegrey56 · 20/09/2015 17:11

That is great OP, so glad your dd had such a happy day !

PressTheAButton · 20/09/2015 18:26

That's a good update. Glad your DD had a great time.

laffymeal · 20/09/2015 19:00

Excellent.

absolutelyloveit · 20/09/2015 19:25

Great update. Really pleased for her and you Grin.

starlight2007 · 20/09/2015 19:38

Glad your DD had best day ever.

I don't think you are unreasonable to send invitations 10 days early but we have either experienced or read about the none repliers on MN so I think 10 days to chase and replace is not enough time.

September birhdays are difficult though for that reason

ilovesooty · 20/09/2015 20:49

Glad she had a good day.

Original poster
coffeeisnectar · 20/09/2015 21:16

Thank you. Tomorrow is her actual birthday. I feel like we've been celebrating it for a week already!!

OP posts:
Muchtoomuchtodo · 20/09/2015 21:28

Sounds like a good plan, though I agree that the non-repliers are v rude.

Out of interest what are you putting in party bags for 10 year olds?

MissDuke · 20/09/2015 21:32

Glad it went well. Your dd sounds lovely, glad she had a nice time and I hope she has a lovely birthday tomorrow!

Aridane · 20/09/2015 22:30

Pleased it went well Smile

and maybe this thread has been an eye opener for you (as it has been for me) about the world of etiquette of children's parties, where seemingly it may be the norm / acceptable in certain circles for invites not to be RSVP'd and where you should plan children's parties with the military precision and efficiency of a high end wedding... Blush

Original poster
coffeeisnectar · 21/09/2015 00:32

Yeah who knew it was such a minefield?

I used this site for party bags. www.allaboutpartybags.co.uk/scripts/prodlist.asp?idcategory=111&sortField=price&filtera23=2. It worked out at 2.40 a bag. They got magic bubbles, a spider rubber, a bank note rubber, a bug viewer, something else I can't remember, five sweets and I put in cake. I'd highly recommend the site, quick delivery and very stress free! Just pick a theme and then add what you want. And I really didn't have time to shop.

OP posts:
Autumnnights1 · 21/09/2015 00:45

You dont know these people and its not personal to them. Id expect it, to be fair. What you choose as an outing for your child isnt really down them, this is why i never did it. I always told my DS to choose a couple of close friends for a treat.

Wearyheadedlady · 21/09/2015 01:42

I think by now, that your DD is 10 you should be used to the rude people who either don't show up or don't respond till late in the day. Its always happened with my kids and at first (when they were 3 or 4) I would get offended, but now its just a matter of fact I'm afraid. Its not good manners, but I can't be arsed to get bent out of shape about it. Dwell on the positives I say and just don't invite those people again.