to think DP is disgusting for doing this?

[FishFace99]

I have suffered from OCD in the past so I'm aware I could be overreacting here and your perspective will be taken on board.

DP does (or fails to do) a number of things which I see as disgusting, but he thinks I'm being a nag and there's no issue. For example, in the past 24 hrs:

I asked him to run a bath for the kids. He knows I always clean it first but thinks that's unnecessary. It hasn't been cleaned for a week because we've all had showers all week, but the shower is over the bath so I think it needs cleaning because there are hairs etc from showering. He then takes the baby's nappy off and puts her straight in the bath even though she's done a poo. The other dc are asking to get out because there's bits of poo floating around, DP shouts at them when they say he should have wiped baby first saying the point of the bath is to clean her.

He uses the same cloth we use for the highchair and worktops to wipe the floor and bin.

He doesn't use a sponge or cloth to wash up, just dunks things and gives it a quick rub with his fingers.

He doesn't wash baby's hands before giving her food.

He doesn't think 3 yo needs to wash her hands after going to the toilet.

Last night we had our dog, cats, rabbits and chickens out in the back garden who obviously all poo. DP put the crawling baby on the lawn this morning to crawl around without doing anything about the poo. I just arrived to find her putting grass with chicken poo in her mouth.

I could go on. Aibu to think he is disgusting?

Wow. I'm not a clean freak at all but I'd go nuts if this was my DH so YANBU. At the beginning of your post I thought it was defs going to be you but no, not at all. It's going to be a challenge to change his views on this if he thinks there's nothing wrong. Was he brought up like this?

No it's not you overreacting, your dp's actions are disgusting and I'm not a manic clean freak. Your dp doesn't come close to the most basic standard of hygiene.

This may seem dramatic to some, but I honestly couldn't be with him. I really couldn't. I feel sick thinking about some of the stuff here and I like to think I'm pretty laid back being a horse/dog/countryside kind of woman. I couldn't feel sexually attracted or loving towards someone who was that foul. His behaviour towards the kids with the bath made me angry!

If you had only said the 'washing hands before food' I think there would be a bit of give on that being 100% enforced (even though best practice): on a day out, in the car, when you've been caught out without wipes etc

But that list of examples is really not good OP; don't let him fob you off with any talk of 'your OCD'. Even those of us who don't mind a bit of chaos would be agreeing with you on those.

YADNBU.

bath - fine
towels - fine
the rest - yak.

Are his family like this? I'm really struggling with how someone who started with reasonable standards of hygiene could end up where he is but could understand if he was brought up this way.

For example, I know a few farmers who wouldn't think about picking up the chicken poo before putting the baby down and whose farmhouses basically look like part of the working farm. [NAFALT - not all farmers are like this. I know farmers with sparkling clean houses and they would be appalled at the standards of the dirty farmers). My point being if he was brought up in an environment where being grubby is ok then he'll think he survived so it's not an issue. And you're unlikely to get him to change.

But, yeuch it sounds gross. [vom smiley if we had one]

I'm not OCD. I'm very, very laid back (and lazy) but I think that's all disgusting!! Especially not cleaning the baby bum before putting them in the bath.

And I quite agree with cleaning the bath. Our bathroom gets very dusty so say me and DP have only showered for a couple of days and DD hasn't had a bath then our bath definately needs cleaned or at least sprayed down first because it gets soooo dusty!!

Yep gross, with the possible exception of the bath. Depending on the state of it, a quick rinse might have done.

One or two are fine in my book - but, more to the point, what are you going to do about it? (And what have you done already)?

His parents are very clean and not like this at all. He worked away before now so it's only recently I'm really seeing what it's like to live with him. If I didn't clean I honestly don't think the thought would cross his mind. Our dog moults loads so I hoover daily, especially with crawling baby, but he thinks once per week and a mop once per month at most is plenty.

Agreed, YADNBU. All the poo stuff is rank, and the cloth/bin and 3yo hand washing. My family are fairly slackish about some things, e.g. cleaning bath, but all of these incidents within 24h!

Dear lord. YANBU. Not even in the slightest. He is revolting. He needs to up his game and stop being so bloody lazy (which is what this is).

YANBU!
Problem is you have very different standards...who will compromise?

I couldn't & it became a major factor in the break down of our relationship.

He's minging

Every time you post about this guy he sounds awful, in fact his dirty hygiene is the least if your problems. But yes, he is disgusting.

He's disgusting. I'm pretty relaxed and would only have given the bath a quick rinse, but all the other stuff is a health hazard.

OP, I mean this kindly but this is the third thread you've started about your DH in the last week. Are you actually going to do anything?

My standards are as low as can be but all of what he is doing makes me feel ill, it's gone past uncleanliness and straight to neglectful IMO.

Apart from the cleaning the bath before every use, once a week and a rinse if it's hairy etc is fine.

I also think he's neglectful tbh. No way would I leave him in charge of the kids dh or not.

I have low standards but that is grim.

OMG how on earth did he think putting a poo bummed baby in the bath would get the baby clean? don't they splash about and play and drink the bath water. was he going to wash baby's face or hair with the dirty water?

I think rinsing the bath before use is unnecessary unless no one does a quick sweep for hair when they get out the shower. BUt I dont think thats about cleanliness, I'd be more concerned about baby getting a long hair in their mouth or something.

I also think about 3 weeks is OK for personal bath towels - hand towels and tea towels are changed daily though.

Yup sounds foul. Also sounds like you're at a point where you're making some decisions.

Doesn't matter if you decide now or need to post another few threads, or decide to wait as your decision, or indeed, never actually share your final decision - all totally fine.

At the end of the day it's your life, and your timescale, and I wish you luck whatever you do next.