To just let my daughter go into hospital?

[Toastandstrawberryjam]

My 13 year old was diagnosed 2 months ago with anorexia. Since then she has gotten so much worse and life is now unrecognisable.

Current medical research now shows care at home has better results than hospital treatment. Supervised meals, continual care. And I have tried. Each meal takes at least at hour, if she will eat it. Then half hour to watch her after.

She's violent and aggressive with me and my other DC. They never get a moment of my time. Last night she finally calmed down and went to bed at 11.45.

She's tried to climb out of windows, threatens suicide, has punched me and tried to stab her dad. She is too ill for school so I have given up work, we can't go anywhere. I was trying to build my own business which was finally going somewhere.

She has refused her snack this morning and went to punch me when I tried to persuade her, calling me all kinds of names. I'm terrified because if she loses more weight she will definitely have to go into hospital, which would be awful for her.

I love her so very much, but I love my other DC too. Who are trying to be so brave. We have medical help and therapy, but she just gets worse every day and I'm so tired. I have to check on her at night and my youngest keeps waking scared that her sister might die. I just need a break, just a few days where I can sleep and eat and just talk to people rather than trying to cope.

It makes me a shit mum I know but I just don't know if it would be best to just let her go into hospital. If you could all tell me what a terrible thing that would be it might make me pull my socks up a bit.

Toast what an amazing, wonderful mother you clearly are

Glad you are feeling a bit better today.

Don't feel guilty about sending her into hospital, you've done all you can at home and it sounds like she needs to be admitted at this stage.

Anorexia is a terrifying illness. I've no direct personal experience, but I've held the hand of one of my closest friends while her daughter was going through it. She is on the road to recovery now, thankfully, but it has taken a long time.

I couldn't read the whole thread, but just wanted to say that anorexia is an incredibly powerful but also intensely selfish illness. Your whole self becomes absorbed and overtaken by this other driving force. Honestly I look back at the way I treated my parents when I was in my late teens and I am truly horrified with myself. Nothing, literally nothing else mattered to me apart from food and numbers and not eating, and I couldn't see, or didn't care, how much I was hurting everyone around me. It sickens me now. (7 years recovered, no relapses, it can happen). Your lovely girl is still in there, this other thing is just hiding her for now. She will come back to you, I really believe that.
I think you all need her to go into hospital, even if just for a little bit. Thinking of you.

I have nothing really to add except that you certainly are not a shit mum. You sound amazing! I hope that your daughter gets the help that she needs - she so young, and that you get the rest that you deserve! Xx good luck xx