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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to refuse to pay for a cancelled hotel room six months away at a family wedding I can no longer attend?

94 replies

Hainesy123 · 18/09/2015 09:29

Earlier this year my DHs brother announced he is getting married in Thailand next April. We are dairy farmers and this is our busiest time of year with calving, so despite being a bit put out that there was no prior discussion about dates (they live in Hong Kong and we specially arranged our wedding last year so they could go to another wedding in the same fortnight), we decided to find a way to get there, as DH is really close to his brother. However, we have since found out we are having a baby and the wedding day is the due date! We let them know we would no longer be able to go, and although disappointed they seemed understanding. However, we have now been told we have to pay £100 cancellation fee for the hotel! I think this is out of order as the wedding is still six months away and they should be able to re sell the room. Also, it was their choice to book out the rooms so far in advance - there is always a chance people are going to have to cancel. I'm happy to contact the hotel myself and explain why I won't pay, but I'm really irritated by the whole situation. If it was up to DH he would just pay for a quiet life...

OP posts:
Helpmeoutofthemaze · 18/09/2015 09:33

Of course you should pay. Your actions caused the cancellation!

OneBreathAfterAnother · 18/09/2015 09:34

I'd expect to have to pay the cancellation fee, to be honest.

Your BIL wasn't going to risk leaving booking the hotel until the last minute, incase he couldn't get rooms for people. It's also not unusual for foreign hotels to have a cancellation fee. If it was closer to the wedding, you'd probably be paying the full room fee, rather than just £100.

If your BIL agreed to book X amount of rooms from the hotel for the wedding, and is now cancelling yours, he'll likely have to pay the fee. He could resell the room to another guest instead but I'm guessing that it's family only that he wants staying, and that if there was someone else he wanted to invite, he'd probably have done that rather than cancelled the room.

You could try appealing to the better nature of the hotel but I'd expect them not to budge, and they probably won't talk to anyone but your BIL/his bride if this is part of the wedding package.

It's a standard clause really. You confirmed, you are now cancelling - I think you have to suck up the cancellation fee.

TurnOffTheTv · 18/09/2015 09:37

I'm assuming it's in the T&C. I'd expect to pay a cancellation fee as well.

Backforthis · 18/09/2015 09:38

You said you would go. The room was booked because of this. Now you have cancelled. You pay the fee.

amicissimma · 18/09/2015 09:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floralnomad · 18/09/2015 09:41

YABU , pay it and the fact that you arranged your wedding to be accommodating is neither here nor there that was your choice .

yorkshapudding · 18/09/2015 09:41

Who are you annoyed with here, the hotel for charging a cancelation fee or your BIL for expecting you to pay it? If it's the former then I don't understand the outrage to be honest as most hotels have this kind of cancellation policy and this would have been made clear at the time of booking. If it's the latter then I still don't get it, why wouldn't they expect you to pay? You confirmed and now you're canceling, obviously you have a very good reason but that doesn't mean your BIL should have to pay.

herderofcats · 18/09/2015 09:43

I'd check with the hotel exactly what their policies are.

£100 seems really steep for a cancellation fee, six months in advance. What was the room cost going to be?!

hebihebi · 18/09/2015 09:45

6 months?? I would call the hotel and check with them. 6 months seems like a long time to have a cancellation fee. Most hotels are around 3 days even for a big do like this.

Chrysanthemum5 · 18/09/2015 09:47

I had something similar when my nephew got married. The couple decided on a hotel venue, and they and my sister insisted we all had to book rooms there. Which we did. Two days later they decided they didn't like that venue, and moved to another one. So we had to cancel the original rooms, and even though it was 6 months to the wedding I had to pay a cancellation fee.

For the sake of family harmony we all just paid up. I think that's what you're going to have to do.

PennyHasNoSurname · 18/09/2015 09:51

Well if those are the T&Cs then you should pay - unless you think BIL should pay it?

00100001 · 18/09/2015 09:54

I would ring the hotel and check, it's not as if they would lose any money from this,a s the room can be booked again.

There is no loss on their part.

Bearbehind · 18/09/2015 09:55

chrysanthe's example is completely different IMO.

In that case it was someone else's change of plan that led to the cancellation and I would have been very unhappy at paying for that.

In this instance the OP agreed one thing, the couple made bookings based on that agreement and now the OP has changed the plans- in that instance she should pay.

I suspect its not as easy as just reselling the room for a wedding abroad as there won't be lots of last minute changes of numbers.

herderofcats · 18/09/2015 09:56

I wonder if bil's got some kind of wedding deal where x people have to book rooms as well, hence the large cancellation fee.

specialsubject · 18/09/2015 09:58

when you book hotels a long way in advance, either book it on a cancellable basis (standard through most of the websites now) or buy some insurance. Anything could happen that far ahead. As you were going abroad, did you not buy travel insurance at the same time as is standard? (I realise it may not cover pregnancy but it is worth asking)

OneBreathAfterAnother · 18/09/2015 09:58

Agreed, BearBehind.

It's really not unusual for rooms booked abroad as part of a wedding package to have a cancellation fee, however far in advance they are booked. The groom has asked his family who would like a room, and asked the hotel to make X amount of rooms unavailable. They have arranged this. The hotels T&Cs will cover the Groom suddenly saying X amount of guests don't want a stay, with a cancellation fee of X per room. All totally standard.

For a normal stay in the UK you may be able to cancel without penalty up to day before you arrive - but you can also usually book months in advance and pay less for a non-refundable rate, which is what BIL might have done to keep costs down for his family. Who knows.

Regardless, OP agreed to go, OP cancelled, OP pays.

ajandjjmum · 18/09/2015 09:59

Is it £100 a night or £100 for the whole holiday?

If it is just £100, I think you've got off fairly lightly tbh.

Having said that, as the BIL, I would have just kept quiet as your reason for cancelling is lovely!

tableanadchairs · 18/09/2015 10:01

I suppose it would depend on who is liable for the cancellation. If it was part of the deal for the wedding party l would not pay as l didn't change the wedding date-they did so it would not be my fault that l didn't need the room.
If it was the hotel itself ( a direct booking) i would phone and ask what theri policy was on cancellations.
On the other hand to keep the peace and the family relationship intact l would just pay !!

UterusUterusGhali · 18/09/2015 10:24

Congratulations!

Also, that does seem quite unfair of the hotel; they can easily resell the room in that time.

TiffanyAtBreakfast · 18/09/2015 10:26

YABU, cough up the money. You knew when the wedding date was but you're now pregnant, and it's nobody's fault but your own unfortunately.

Gileswithachainsaw · 18/09/2015 10:27

I'd call the hotel. it's six months away not six hours. how the hell would 6onths be too short a notice.

I'd be very surprised if the would he a fee to pay this early on

ivykaty44 · 18/09/2015 10:32

I think if given six month notice of cancelling a dairy order the farmer would be disappointed but if it was that far in advance he could source another buyer but if not then still charge the fee.

Why not tell the brother to resell the room and if he doesn't then you will pay the fee?

londonrach · 18/09/2015 10:33

Call the hotel but if its a cancellation fee for the room yabu to expect your bil to pay. Congratulations on the baby x

Amazemedontbeacunt · 18/09/2015 10:34

Reading the OP it looks like dates weren't discussed and a room just booked for you, is that right?

Scremersford · 18/09/2015 10:37

I'd deal with the hotel myself if I were you. Fair enough if they insist on the £100 cancellation fee then, you will just have to suck it up. But I'd just be a little bit suspicious that the £100 cancellation fee is to cover the brother's annoyance and not the hotel's policy...