To think my 5yr old and her friend shouldn't be able to wander out of the class room and go wandering for 10 mins without her teacher noticing ?

[ilooklikemrsploppy]

Background : I've took a bit of an instant dislike to DD's teacher but am trying my best not to be the psycho, over protective mother that teachers must come up against all the time. I find her very abrupt and stern for a P1 teacher. On the few occassions I've spoke with her she has also insisted on speaking to me as though I'm also 5 despite being 41. She's early 20's. I know DD can be a handful and is a mischevious wee minx given the opportunity.

Today DD met me at the school gates in floods of tears as her face had been moved down from the green zone (all is good in the world) into the red zone (you lose half your golden time on a Friday afternoon). She mumbled something about going to the toilet with her friend but I couldn't make sense of what she was saying. So I approached the teacher with DD hanging off one arm in floods of tears and DS hanging off the arm moaning about wanting to go home. I asked why her face had been moved and her teacher told me that DD and her friend had decided to leave the class room without asking and went for a wander. Her teacher said that she got a fright and was looking for them before they eventually appeared about 10 mins later. They'd gone to the loo. She said that it was obviously unacceptable for them to do this and she had to know where the pupils were at all times. In between two screaming/crying kids I couldn't think of everything I should have said but when I was driving I thought "how the fuck did they actually get out the class room without her noticing ?" I've been quizzing DS and he says sometimes the class room doors are open, sometimes closed depending on what the teacher is teaching at the time. DD was naughty but AIBU to think that two 5 yr olds shouldn't be able to sneak out a classroom. There was never any chance of them getting out of the building as there is a main door which is a security type door and the janitor sits there.

No "beefthief* but I'll add it to my list of attributes which have already been highlighted on this thread. I was trying (in a light hearted manner) to explain that I'm aware of my dislike of the teacher and am not letting this cloud my judgement and come across as over protective of my youngest child.

It's only been highlighted because they're your own words! If you don't want to be accused of being a psycho, don't say that you are one. Are you always this sloppy in picking your words?

Do you always fly off the deep end like this? Personal abuse in lieu of actual discussion? Perhaps your original analysis of yourself was correct.

Ds has been chased back from the toilet many times by TA or teacher as he tends to lurk. He's also popped off to the loo without being asked too and then lurked which resulted in a time out.

Very easy for him to pop out if they are doing a multi activity as teacher keeps door open for those going to the toilet (doors white heavy). It took most of p1 but now he does ask

You're the one who has said you're a psycho, repeatedly. I don't find it particularly funny to be light-hearted about a serious medical condition, and I resent your repeated assertions that I'm an arsehole (which come contrary to the rules you agreed to when you signed up).

It sounded like you were incapable of having a reasonable conversation with someone you've taken an arbitrary dislike to, without reigning in this odd side to yourself. Again, these are your words.

I see you've come at me, windmilling with both fists. I don't want a fight, I want you to take a serious look at what you've written and to think whether these are the thoughts and actions of a reasonable person. As you've been told repeatedly, clearly they're not.

My son would have cried because he was embarrassed rather than manipulative.

I've only had a maximum of 3 children to look after on my own, I'm not surprised that if you look after 30 kids between 2 adults that a child might slip out the door. When my son was 3 he gave me a huge scare by opening the front door and deciding to go for a walk on his own. All my children have gone missing for a few minutes while out shopping too so I think teachers do well to keep children safe usually.

I think loss of golden time is an appropriate punishment and hopefully your dd will have learned her lesson.

I don't want a fight
beefthief you are funny. This line in particular made me

ilooklikemrsploppy - it was obvious to me what you meant with the 'psycho' phrase in your OP. There was a bit of hyperbole - that's all I saw.

I didn't say I was a psycho - I was describing a stereotype that I imagine a lot of teachers come up against.An over protective mother who has complete tunnel vision when it comes to her child and can't accept they've done wrong.

If you've read the whole thread you will also see that I had a perfectly reasonable discussion with the teacher and fully accept her punishment for DS. My dislike of her didn't actually come into it and as someone else mentioned , my afterthought of how exactly my child left the class would still have came to me even if I really liked the teacher.

My response to you was a result of a rather goady post. In my day yo day life I'm a reasonable and approachable person so no need for me to spend hours considering what I've written here. I stand by everything I've said. I do however apologise for using the word psycho for anyone who found this offensive.

And I'd also like to apologise to any arseholes I offended.

ilooklikemrsploppy - well, you've certainly opened a can of worms on this thread!

I didn't think you were psycho either! Just a term we often use for ourselves when we're a bit peeved! I think some people take what people say as too literal!

My first deletion!

I think your second one might just be on the horizon.

why ? Because I mentioned that my message had been deleted ? MN hasn't got that bad has it ?

No, I meant the one before which has, as predicted, now been deleted.

YANBU I haven't rtfd, but no, children shouldn't be able to go missing. That said, I was a regular escape artist when I was at primary school, my best friend and I used to get out of the classrooms, out of the town and hide up in the forest playing all day. It was a hilarious game to us, thankfully we never got hurt but the consequences could have been horrendous.

Wow! I know I read what you typed but didn't think it was THAT bad to be deleted!

It's just personal attacks lurking. They are against rules so posters need to put their point across without using personal attacks. It's not that hard to stick to tbh.

I thought you were going to say that they had been wondering around the town or something! This happened at both schools my children went to and five year olds had made their way home or round local streets without teachers noticing! But just to the toilets?

Yes just to the toilets - or at least that's what the kids said. It's a big school though (even though it's a primary) and my concern was that she could have fell on the stairs or had some other kind of accident without anyone knowing.

Friday came and went without incident though, so hopefully things have calmed down a bit.

Two things:

1. Your daughter is 5, and as such can only be good as a 5 year old will allow her to be. That means there will be times when impulse will get the better of her. It's part of growing up. She needs to be held accountable so that she learns some self regulation and self control.

1. The teacher is responsible for every child in that classroom. If something happened to your daughter, the teacher would be 100% responsible for letting her out of her site. I'd be questioning this teacher's ability to teach a classroom if she can't even do the simple task of keeping track of all her kids. They're 5, that's not old enough to be supervising themselves, which is what they're being expected to do if a teacher only notices after the fact that they have left.

Personally, I'd be doing two things. I'd tell my daughter that she is not to leave the classroom, and that there are consequences which in her case is losing Golden time. Then I'd be having a long talk with the principal (and teacher) about why my 5 year old's teacher is unable to keep track of my child. What if something happened to her? There is no excuse for that. While I expect my child to behave and listen, as an adult I know that 5 year olds have shitty judgement and impulse control, I certainly expect a teacher trained to work with children to account for that.

The teacher, frankly, is LUCKY that something didn't happen to your daughter. I'd be making it clear that this is NOT to happen again.

Bulbasaur - I've had the big talk with DD and made it clear that no matter how much she is bored, bursting for a pee or feels like a wander, she is not to leave the classroom without her teacher saying she can do so first.

You've threw a spanner in the works with your second point though . The MN jury had be pretty much convinced that I was being completely unreasonable with my reaction.

Yeah, this worried me:

I was being unreasonable to expect the teacher to notice when she has 21 other kids to look after.

No, you were not. It is the teacher's JOB to notice and look after all 21 children in her care. It's what she's paid to do, it's what she's trained to do. She dropped the ball.

You should not be expecting a 5 year old to pick up her teacher's slack and monitor herself. You wouldn't leave a 5 year old home alone for the same reasons you wouldn't leave her in a classroom without a teacher. By relieving the teacher of responsibility because she can't do her fucking job you are essentially expecting your child to be the adult in this situation. You wouldn't leave her with a babysitter and then go "Oh, it was my child's fault for ingesting chemicals, she should have known better", you'd be expecting the babysitter to watch her and stop her from getting hurt. Expecting your child to to take up an adult's responsibility is not fair on her. She deserves to have a classroom with structure, boundaries, and competent adults who are able to provide them the stability they need to learn. She can't do that if SHE is the one having to set her own boundaries outside her developmental ability at that age.

I'm not sure why some posters feel like a 5 year old should have the reasoning and rationality of an adult, but I've seen threads spiral out of control because someone wanted a kid to take muddy shoes off before walking on her carpet. The histrionics here are entertaining, but careful about taking any advice to heart (including mine).

I just know if it were my child, I would not just let it rest. I'd be writing a letter and letting them know I was documenting the incident and it had better not happen again or I'd be getting in touch with the higher ups to let them know that this school is not taking the children's safety seriously.