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to wonder how school failed to notice that DS had shit himself?

100 replies

StormyLlewelyn · 16/09/2015 19:30

DS is in Year Two at school and is under ongoing assessment for ASD, school are aware of this and are also aware that he has issues with seeking assistance if he is in difficulty.

All the way home from school today I could smell shit. I checked the buggy wheels, checked everyone's shoes, checked the baby's nappy, couldn't find the source. We got home and I could still smell it. I began the usual getting home chores and unpacked the PE bags to wash kit. DS had come home in his PE kit as he'd been to football club so his bag had his uniform in. As soon as I opened the bag I was hit with the smell. The bag contained his school pants, caked in shit on both the outside and inside. His undies, also caked in shit, and his white shirt with shit on one sleeve.

I took DS upstairs and checked him over. His backside and tops of his thighs were covered in dried on shit. I found out from him that he'd been desperate for the loo at lunchtime and didn't make it in time. In true DS fashion, he didn't speak up (which I've spoken to him about. Again.).

Lunchtime was four hours before I picked him up which means he's sat in his mess for four hours. Mess visible from the outside of his clothes. In these four hours he has been in the care of the lunch time staff, the playground staff, his teachers (two in the classroom), three teaching assistants, the school-employed staff who run the football club, and the school office staff. He has also gotten changed into his PE kit in the classroom twice (once for PE and once for football club).

AIBU to wonder how the fuck no one noticed he was covered in shit and stinking to the high heavens? I've had to send DH out for Sudocrem as he has sores on his skin from sitting in it for so long.

I'm so angry and upset and not sure what to do from here. I've emailed a complaint to the school and requested an urgent meeting with the headteacher because, as far as I'm concerned, it's neglect. Part of me wants to keep him off tomorrow until after I've spoken to the headteacher about it but I can see that making the situation worse.

Any advice or grips?

OP posts:

laffymeal · 16/09/2015 19:32

Year 2 children are pretty smelly. Teachers get noseblind and unless he looked distressed or asked for assistance it's not especially surprising that no one noticed.


WhatamessIgotinto · 16/09/2015 19:35

You don't need a grip. I'd be so upset about this and I would be wanting answers ; someone MUST have smelt it. If they didn't want to deal with it themselves they should have phoned you. I really don't see how no one noticed. I'm a TA btw.


billabye · 16/09/2015 19:35

No advice but YANBU. Your poor DS. I'd be very cross especially considering his circumstances.


WhatamessIgotinto · 16/09/2015 19:36

I think it's really surprising laffy.


Osolea · 16/09/2015 19:37

They probably did smell it, and may well have told the class if anyone needed the toilet then they could go, they'd be helped if they needed it etc. but they can't go around looking down children's trousers to find the source if the smell, and if a child won't ask for help or tell anyone that it's them, then the staff are in a difficult position.


Narp · 16/09/2015 19:37

I'm a bit surprised, but it's not really the school you are upset about is it?

Do they know all about the encopresis?


SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 16/09/2015 19:37

I would be pretty Hmm that no-one had noticed this and done something about it! I'm guessing your poor do didn't feel he could tell anyone what happened - he needs reassurance, not just from you (which I am sure he's had) but also from the school that they want to know if something like this happens, and that they will deal with it sensitively and tactfully.

I think it is worth pointing it out to the school, in an informative way, rather than an accusatory one, and seeking that reassurance from them.


purplepandas · 16/09/2015 19:38

No answers but I have had v similar from my year one DD today. This happened in the afternoon for her but I am amazed no one noticed. I have also had the talk re letting others know etc.

I too will be speaking to the school on Friday (I prefer to talk without DD in tow!). I am hoping they can keep a better eye out but she also needs to take some responsibility in terms of telling people. She is shy and finds this really hard though.


Narp · 16/09/2015 19:38

I think you are doing the right thing to contact the school, by the way


OrangeSquashTallGlass · 16/09/2015 19:38

I'm so sorry that happened to your ds.

My classroom is a thick jungle of various smells, particularly in the afternoon. If he was behaving in his usual way and didn't happen to come very close to the teacher I can see how it got missed. However I would have imagined it would have been noticed when getting changed for football club as there would have been far fewer children being supervised? Although if they take themselves of to get changed then perhaps not?

Mention it to his teacher. They'll be mortified and upset for him but most importantly they'll know to look out for it in the future.


ThroughThickAndThin01 · 16/09/2015 19:39

To be fair, it took you ages to find it, only after you had checked everwhere else on the way home, and presumably deduced it was actually on him after some while. And that was just one child you had in your care.


Chillyegg · 16/09/2015 19:40

Yanbu they should have noticed.
That's ridiculous. If they didn't want to deal with it like a pp has said they should of wrang you.


LindyHemming · 16/09/2015 19:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Scarletforya · 16/09/2015 19:40

I don't believe no one noticed it. I bet each teacher ignored it hoping the next would deal with it. That is disgraceful. Definitely ask for an explanation.


TeaAndNoSympathy · 16/09/2015 19:41

No I don't think YABU to be cross given the circumstances you describe, but I would see what the school have to say before you go in all guns blazing. Are you suggesting that the staff saw he'd had an accident but chose to ignore the issue? Does this seem likely given what you know of the school? E.g., do they have form for ignoring his needs?


AnyoneButAndre · 16/09/2015 19:41

Also year 2 children can be terrible at wiping, so sometimes they have very smelly pants even if they haven't actually had an accident. Teachers wouldn't intervene in that situation.


AnyoneButAndre · 16/09/2015 19:42

However, I'd definitely talk to the school about it.


Narp · 16/09/2015 19:42


Don't go in all guns blazing. Don't assume no-one else cares about your son


AmberFool · 16/09/2015 19:44

Year 2 children are pretty smelly. Hmm

I agree with you - someone should have noticed. It's not a smell you can ignore and it's relatively easy to find out who has soiled themselves just by following the smell really.


revealall · 16/09/2015 19:46

If he soiled himself at lunch and then got into PE kit fairly soon after it might be that staff didn't realise how bad it was? Children often don't wash their hands after the loo and smell like a farmyard.
I would be surprised if he'd got into shitty clothes again as surely the other children would say something?
Possibly he got into football kit after PE?


Blackcloudsbrightsky · 16/09/2015 19:47

I think you can get quite immune to smells if they are around a lot. They might not have noticed the smell or thought someone had farted.


Twowrongsdontmakearight · 16/09/2015 19:49

Laffy is partially right. It doesn't sound like neglect. When I was a Y2 TA the classroom was often smelly as the children would fart a lot especially after lunch. We obviously didn't draw attention to it! I'm assuming the staff would have assumed that's what it was. In Reception a bit of interrogation would go on but by Year 2 it's not expected.

PE changing is also pretty chaotic with all the shoelaces to be tied, inside out tops, can't undo my buttons etc. Unless your DS demanded attention at that point nobody would notice then either.

However, if the Class Teacher or TA are aware that this might happen then they can keep a discrete eye out in future.


OrangeSquashTallGlass · 16/09/2015 19:50

'I don't believe no one noticed it. I bet each teacher ignored it hoping the next would deal with it.'

Please let this be a joke... Please let this be a joke...


HelsBels3000 · 16/09/2015 19:51

Post lunch on roast-dinner day = stinkiest classrooms ever! I'm not that surprised it wasn't noticed. Would your son not have changed himself? does he have any spare clothes in his school bag?


shutupanddance · 16/09/2015 19:55

Year 2 children are pretty smelly. Teachers get noseblind and unless he looked distressed or asked for assistance it's not especially surprising that no one noticed.

My year 2 child id not smelly, what are you talking about?

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