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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder how school failed to notice that DS had shit himself?

100 replies

StormyLlewelyn · 16/09/2015 19:30

DS is in Year Two at school and is under ongoing assessment for ASD, school are aware of this and are also aware that he has issues with seeking assistance if he is in difficulty.

All the way home from school today I could smell shit. I checked the buggy wheels, checked everyone's shoes, checked the baby's nappy, couldn't find the source. We got home and I could still smell it. I began the usual getting home chores and unpacked the PE bags to wash kit. DS had come home in his PE kit as he'd been to football club so his bag had his uniform in. As soon as I opened the bag I was hit with the smell. The bag contained his school pants, caked in shit on both the outside and inside. His undies, also caked in shit, and his white shirt with shit on one sleeve.

I took DS upstairs and checked him over. His backside and tops of his thighs were covered in dried on shit. I found out from him that he'd been desperate for the loo at lunchtime and didn't make it in time. In true DS fashion, he didn't speak up (which I've spoken to him about. Again.).

Lunchtime was four hours before I picked him up which means he's sat in his mess for four hours. Mess visible from the outside of his clothes. In these four hours he has been in the care of the lunch time staff, the playground staff, his teachers (two in the classroom), three teaching assistants, the school-employed staff who run the football club, and the school office staff. He has also gotten changed into his PE kit in the classroom twice (once for PE and once for football club).

AIBU to wonder how the fuck no one noticed he was covered in shit and stinking to the high heavens? I've had to send DH out for Sudocrem as he has sores on his skin from sitting in it for so long.

I'm so angry and upset and not sure what to do from here. I've emailed a complaint to the school and requested an urgent meeting with the headteacher because, as far as I'm concerned, it's neglect. Part of me wants to keep him off tomorrow until after I've spoken to the headteacher about it but I can see that making the situation worse.

Any advice or grips?

OP posts:

teacher54321 · 16/09/2015 19:56

I don't know a single teacher who would ignore this.

Original poster

StormyLlewelyn · 16/09/2015 19:56

It was all over the back of his school trousers, from pockets to hem. PE is around thirty minutes after lunchtime so he'd have been wearing them for that time with it clearly visible.

I've included a bit in my email to school to say that we need to work together to find a way around his issues with seeking assistance. Saying to him "tell a grown up is no good, you may as well be speaking gibberish because he simply won't do it.

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 16/09/2015 19:57

It happened more than once when I taught.

You notice the smell and you discretely track it down.

Talk to the HT. That much soiling should have been noticed.

Narp · 16/09/2015 19:58

Stormy

Someone told him to grow up?

PlayingSolitaire · 16/09/2015 19:58

Just to say that the poo might have got onto the outside of his school uniform when he put it all in his PE bag, it wasn't necessarily all over his clothes all afternoon.

iwouldgoouttonight · 16/09/2015 20:01

Your poor DS. Good that you're speaking to the school about it. Sadly I think it happens in schools quite a lot. My DS has encopresis and often soils/wets during the day and has more than once come home with poo all over him, on the outside of his clothes, right down to his socks. And the teachers know about his condition and we've asked them to look out for accidents because he is so shy and embarrassed about it so he'd never tell anyone.

Hope you get somewhere with the school and get some kind of care plan put in place.

Original poster

StormyLlewelyn · 16/09/2015 20:02

Someone told him to grow up?

They tell him to tell a grown up when things happen, sorry my phone keyboard isn't great and misses out words/letters, but he doesn't ever tell a grown up.

OP posts:

Flumplet · 16/09/2015 20:04

Reading this makes me want to cry OP. I had a quite a senior position in a school office for over a year and a little girl with this issue was regularly 'dumped' in the office sitting in dirty pants. Nobody wanted to take them off for her and clean her up and one time her mum took a good couple of hours to collect her. I wanted to help her -as any mother would, but I was told by the principal that it wasn't appropriate due to safeguarding, despite my crb, and so she was left to sit and stink in her own shit until her mother arrived. I left after that incident and don't want to work in a school again. It wasn't what I expected. Please do take this further OP, I will never forget her embarrassed little face.

Blackcloudsbrightsky · 16/09/2015 20:04

Well, I obviously can't see his trousers but someone could easily have thought it was mud. Didn't the other children notice? When my DS was that age there would be HAVE YOU HAD A POO being bellowed across the room

My DS was mistakenly stripped off in Year 1. The teacher must have noticed a horrible smell and asked the children if anyone had had a little accident. DS confirmed he had and was taken away and stripped off by two TAs. They were confused when he was clean not as much as he was and he eagerly explained he had had a little accident; he'd fallen off his bike!

laffymeal · 16/09/2015 20:05

Not minimising what happened to your son OP, really hope he's ok and sorry he went through this BUT i stand by my original post that a year 2 class can be horrendously pongy, in fact right through primary school classes can be absolutely honking. Individuals may rightly say that their child doesn't smell but if 10-15 in a class of 30 do then it's pretty difficult to pinpoint the source.

BoGrainger · 16/09/2015 20:06

So did he actually get changed back into his shitty clothes after PE? I'm just thinking that if his clothes were stuffed in his bag at the start of PE and he didn't get changed back at all then it's possible the smell wasn't picked up, especially if his bag was stored in a cloakroom or somewhere away from the rest of the class.

Original poster

StormyLlewelyn · 16/09/2015 20:07

I'm going to ask if a member of staff can ask him "are you okay, DS?". He won't speak up off his own bat but if he's asked then he will. It take two seconds to ask, maybe once mid-morning and once mid-afternoon. Then if he does mention any issues we can both praise him for speaking up and I can use it as a part of example story telling with him "remember when x happened and you told Miss Y and she helped you?" to give him positive reinforcement. This might help encourage him to speak up without being asked.

OP posts:

Blackcloudsbrightsky · 16/09/2015 20:10

That sounds sensible Stormy

I must admit I was pretty bad for accidents at that age - used to wet myself rather than soil as I just was lazy about going for a wee - and I wouldn't tell a teacher!

BoGrainger · 16/09/2015 20:12

Also check that he isn't made to ask if he can go to the toilet, he should have permission just to dash off if necessary! Sometimes the toilets will all be in use but if there's a queue can he, without too much attention, skip to the front? Just little things but worth mentioning and making sure that all staff know this.

Smartiepants79 · 16/09/2015 20:12

It's not good that it went unnoticed and I am surprised it wasn't smelt.
He would NOT have been left if they'd known.
However a PP is fair to say that they perhaps couldn't identify who it was and if no one owns up what do they do?
Has he soiled at school before?
You are entitled to reassurance that he will be better monitored from now on.

Original poster

StormyLlewelyn · 16/09/2015 20:13

He says he did get changed back into his uniform after PE. He also says that the boy he sits next to asked to be moved and was moved, also that a girl he is friends with asked during carpet time "who has pooped their pants?" and was hushed by the teacher but nothing more was said or asked.

OP posts:

laffymeal · 16/09/2015 20:14

We had a little girl pee herself yesterday. Just sat there and "let it go", there was a flipping river of it. She never once asked to go for a pee and didn't seem remotely bothered she was sitting in Niagra Falls. Our classroom just permanently stinks of stale urine I'm afraid.

Fourarmsv2 · 16/09/2015 20:15

DS2 is Y5 and won't tell anyone if he's wet himself :( It's so sad for them. Seems odd to me that teachers don't notice.

laffymeal · 16/09/2015 20:15

With the extra info you've just provided I reckon someone knew absolutely fine your son was in distress and had soiled himself but chose to do nothing about it, which should definitely be addressed.

Keeptrudging · 16/09/2015 20:17

I think you are rightly cross with school if it was particularly visible/noticeably smelly, and right to be asking how this could have been overlooked. Trying to be objective, if his class have PE shortly after lunch, it's likely that most of the time was taken up with doing register/getting changed (very tricky with infants). Did they then have a different teacher for PE, followed by going from that straight to football training after school with another teacher? That would make 3 different adults in one afternoon, all doing activities where children are moving around a lot, so harder to pinpoint smells? Yes children can be smelly, but most teachers wouldn't wilfully ignore a child who has had an accident (not just for the child's wellbeing, but also selfishly, we don't want to be trapped in the room smelling it).

Owllady · 16/09/2015 20:18

He really isn't getting enough support in the classroom if no one noticed and its something he would/could do. If needs support with ticketing then I really think this needs to be raised as a matter if urgency.

How far along are you 're a dx?
How far along 're extra help at school? Does he get any now?

You need to write a strongly worded email to them. If it was my child I'd be copying in a letter of complaint to the council too.

Before anyone asks, yes I have a child with sn and being nice doesn't work and doesn't help your child. You need to navigate the system the same way the council does otherwise the support your child needs is never provided and lack of support leaves our children vulnerable with compromised dignity.

I hope you are okay op

Owllady · 16/09/2015 20:20

Toileting not ticketing! Is continence support involved? If they aren't, I'd look into a referral through your gp to paediatric continence nurse service too

maxxytoe · 16/09/2015 20:22

I know this is obviously very upsetting for you but your son needs to urgently learn to speak up !
And for that reason I think yabu
It's not the teachers fault your son shit himself and didn't notice
This should be a lesson to you all though

Owllady · 16/09/2015 20:28

Have some of you not read the first sentence of the original post?

If you don't understand, Google what is autism? What is a global development delay?

Original poster

StormyLlewelyn · 16/09/2015 20:29

maxxytoe, he is being investigated for ASD. If it is a case of when he is diagnosed rather than if.

It is not that he doesn't speak up, it's that he can't. He won't. I can tell him to speak up until I'm blue in the face and it won't make a blind bit of difference. Just like I can tell him to stop clicking his fingers in rhythmn with his words when he talks or how I can tell him to stop screaming whenever an emergency vehicle drives past with the siren going. None of it sinks in.

OP posts:

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