Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby name row

88 replies

Drmum83 · 15/09/2015 14:26

Is my friend being unreasonable?

My best mate has a DS 21 mo ( let's call him turtle)
Mutual close mate (let's call her Ethel) is due to give birth in 2 weeks.
Friends live 100 yards from each other and see each other a few times per week.
Ethel has made it clear to others (incl me) that should she have a boy, she will be naming him turtle. She has not raised this with best mate. Several ppl have told best mate this and she is pretty peed off. She thinks it will be strange for there to be two little turtles who are likely to be mates in the same friendship group. She is mostly peeved that Ethel hasnt told her.
Best mate, a few weeks ago, sent a message to Ethel's husband raising this and expressing her thoughts. (Best mate and husband have known each other for years since Uni and are close- for info, they had a fling back then)
Ethel's husband basically said that he was not going to raise this with Ethel as felt it inappropriate when she is stressed and heavily pregnant.
Best mate fuming.
What are your thoughts? Anticipating the birth announcement with gritted teeth!!

Ps the name is top 20, traditional and is becoming more common. Ethel likes the name is an old family name...

OP posts:
Original poster
Drmum83 · 15/09/2015 14:27
  • as it is an old family name
OP posts:
lardyscouse · 15/09/2015 14:28

Not far from me are 2 brothers, Harry and Harold. Gods honest truth. It's never been a problem.

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 15/09/2015 14:31

Ethel can call her DS what she likes.

Best mate should not be messaging the husband about it behind Ethel's back. Husband is right not to put Ethel under stress.

Blackcloudsbrightsky · 15/09/2015 14:31

Anyone can call their child what they wish and a top twenty name - honestly, there will be more than one in the primary school class anyway. I grew up when every other little girl was called Rebecca, Helen, Louise or Claire and there were seven Helens in my A level English Lit class and it's FINE!

DD2 has a 'popular' name (DHs choice!) and it's just one of those things.

LadySheherazade · 15/09/2015 14:33

I've posted on loads of threads like this.

I genuinely can't see the problem. They won't even be in the same class at school because of the age gap!

Best mate needs to give her head a wobble and realise she doesn't own the name, that even if turtle and turtle end up being best friends, she's unlikely to have too many problems.

JawannaDrink · 15/09/2015 14:34

Your bm is being a dick and Ethel's dh is dead right. Its not an issue, Ethel can use whatever be she likes, and your bm should apologise for making a fuss.

NerrSnerr · 15/09/2015 14:35

In primary school we had two Claire's in our class who sat next to each other as they had the same name. 30 years later and they're still best friends. It won't matter, they'll be known as Turtle A and Turtle B or Turt and Turtie.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 15/09/2015 14:36

Ethel can call all of her children turtle if she so wants and it is nothing at all to do with anybody else called turtle or the mother of any other turtles.

You choose a popular name for your child then it's likely to happen

Original poster
Drmum83 · 15/09/2015 14:37

Best mate is absolutely outraged, as is her DH, who is normally quite silent in these situations. She is 'going to raise this if she does use the name' and make it clear she isn't happy.
I think Ethel, out of courtesy should have mentioned it, making it clear that it is her chosen name, particularly as she has told others this.
Oh the drama!

OP posts:
JawannaDrink · 15/09/2015 14:39

No need for drama, stop fuelling it Hmm.

starlight2007 · 15/09/2015 14:40

I think BM is BU...

If she is going to pick a name in top 20 she is going to have the issue many times.

My DS was not rare but not common..Since a celeb used the name it has increased in popularity and lots of children younger than my DS have the same name..

Most people have ideas of names long before they concieve

ChipsandGuac · 15/09/2015 14:41

Personally, I would gently tease best friend that she's being precious. If her DS was actually called Turtle, then I could see her point (a little) but if it's just a plain old Ben/Jack/George/Thomas name then she needs to get over herself a little.

Dragonsdaughter · 15/09/2015 14:41

mmm Best mates a bit of a twat really isn't she -

Original poster
Drmum83 · 15/09/2015 14:41

jawanna - not sure how you have derived that I'm fuellling this? The drama is being created by bm, not me. I really don't want a massive row between two good mates in a few weeks' time and posted to gain opinion on the subject.

OP posts:
KaraokeQueenOfTheNorth · 15/09/2015 14:42

I don't really know why it would be a problem for your bm. Perhaps if someone had jumped in and used a name she wanted before she had a chance to, but that isn't the situation here. It will be Ethel that people will possibly assume "copied" your best mate, who cares if there is more than one Turtle, your best mate will always be the one who used it first!

Best mate is being very unreasonable and no way should she "raise it" with Ethel. She should be flattered that the name she chose is well liked!

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 15/09/2015 14:43

She can can call her child whatever she wants.

LavenderRain · 15/09/2015 14:43

Nobody owns a name, she can call her baby whatever she so wishes. There will probably a lot more turtles in the area! it doesn't matter. The name is in the top 20, hence there will be more of them!
In my family there are cousins who live in the same village, and are a year apart in age, called Dan and Daniel, people thought Hmm at first but now nobody bats an eyelid!
DS has friends who are brothers, they are called Henry and Harry (which I think originates from the same name?!)

Each to their own!

Dragonsdaughter · 15/09/2015 14:43

Oh yeh and B doesnt have to tell or discuss her baby names with nayone except her DH - BF sounds like an entitled madam

shouldIapply · 15/09/2015 14:43

Since it's a top 20 name (and since it's a family name for Ethel) BF is being very unreasonable. If she'd called her child something unusual that had a special meaning just for her she'd be more reasonable, e.g. DD2 has such an unusual name (for England) it's not on the babyname lists, if someone I knew round here called their child that name I'd be a bit Hmm 'where could you possibly have got that name from??'

On the other hand, DS and my SIL's nephew have the same name and are only a few months apart. We do live far away from each other but see each other maybe once a year. My nephews seem to cope with having 2 cousins with the same name. The name is very unusual for England but very common where I come from.

AuntieStella · 15/09/2015 14:43

If it really was Turtle, I'd see her point.

But a top 20 name? No, she just has to accept there will be others around. And that those others may be choosing it for all sorts of reasons that are nothing whatsoever to do with her.

Ethel and Mother-of-Turtle really should deal with this themselves, not involve DHs and wider community, as that really will make it a drama.

lardyscouse · 15/09/2015 14:45

Maybe one could poncify the pronunciation?

Oh, Hello, is this Turtle?

Nooooo. This is Ter telle...

That sort of thing.

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 15/09/2015 14:45

There were lots of Joannes, Joannas and Clares in my school class, and now half the Mums at school seem to have these names!

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 15/09/2015 14:46

Presumably it is not the name of a Teenage Mutant Turtle as none of these appear to be even top 100 names.

Idontseeanytimelords · 15/09/2015 14:46

A friend of mine named her son the same name as ours - there's 6 months between the boys and they're good friends. My friend was actually worried that I'd be upset that she was 'copying' but the name has a closer and more emotional connection for her (that we didn't realise at the time) than for us and we just said fine.
It was a little odd at first though, especially as our surnames are very similar too!
Your friend is being U, it'll work out if the children are friends - our boys are now known by their nicknames anyway Smile

JawannaDrink · 15/09/2015 14:47

You have an opinion, you're posting about in on here, I'm guessing you haven't told your friend to shut up and stop being a dick about it, so yes, you're fuelling it.