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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Baby name row

88 replies

Drmum83 · 15/09/2015 14:26

Is my friend being unreasonable?

My best mate has a DS 21 mo ( let's call him turtle)
Mutual close mate (let's call her Ethel) is due to give birth in 2 weeks.
Friends live 100 yards from each other and see each other a few times per week.
Ethel has made it clear to others (incl me) that should she have a boy, she will be naming him turtle. She has not raised this with best mate. Several ppl have told best mate this and she is pretty peed off. She thinks it will be strange for there to be two little turtles who are likely to be mates in the same friendship group. She is mostly peeved that Ethel hasnt told her.
Best mate, a few weeks ago, sent a message to Ethel's husband raising this and expressing her thoughts. (Best mate and husband have known each other for years since Uni and are close- for info, they had a fling back then)
Ethel's husband basically said that he was not going to raise this with Ethel as felt it inappropriate when she is stressed and heavily pregnant.
Best mate fuming.
What are your thoughts? Anticipating the birth announcement with gritted teeth!!

Ps the name is top 20, traditional and is becoming more common. Ethel likes the name is an old family name...

OP posts:

Original poster

Drmum83 · 15/09/2015 14:47

chips - yes, I think I may gently tease her about it as you suggest. That might help her gain some perspective. I'll see how that goes down...

OP posts:

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 15/09/2015 14:47

Although I've just seen that Leo is (gone of on tangent and missing the point).

molyholy · 15/09/2015 14:48

I really don't want a massive row between two good mates in a few weeks

Really. ^This is going to happen? Assuming name is Charlie/Archie/George/Oliver/Jack, something along those lines, it is ridiculous of your best mate to get precious over it.

Original poster

Drmum83 · 15/09/2015 14:51

jawanna I'm not going to tell my bm to 'stop being a dick' ! She is upset about it, whether that's deemed irrational or not, I want to be sensitive to both her and Ethel who will be in the fragile newborn period. Jeez. Posting on here for MNers experience of similar and for opinions. Isn't that what a forum is for?

OP posts:

Original poster

Drmum83 · 15/09/2015 14:52

moly bm is a brat when she gets a bee in her bonnet

OP posts:

redredblue · 15/09/2015 14:55

I think it's really odd to use the same name.

But I don't like common names anyway.

DisappointedOne · 15/09/2015 14:57

With 2 years between them they're not ever going to be in the same school class, are they? I can't see the problem.

pinklaydee · 15/09/2015 14:58

My DM got a puppy and called her Cara. My DS went on to have a DD and called her - Cara. My DH thinks it's weird, but no-one else is bothered that she's named after a dog! It's completely up to this woman and her DH what they call their child, you can't "steal" a name.

MummaGiles · 15/09/2015 15:03

Yes maybe Ethel should have mentioned it out of courtesy especially given she seems happy to have told everyone else the chosen name, but just because your BM happened to have a baby before her doesn't mean she owns the name. Maybe it has a special significance for Ethel too. And maybe she'll have a baby of the opposite gender and there'll be no problem at all.

reni2 · 15/09/2015 15:04

Best mate IBU should get a grip. Ethel can name her baby Turtle, Ethel's husband did well not to stress Ethel. How odd to message him! Nobody owns a name (or else there would be no family names, which Turtle apparently is for Ethel's family).

Salene · 15/09/2015 15:05

Best mate is a twat, tell her to get over herself

The other girl dosent have to discuss her chosen names with anyone

MummaGiles · 15/09/2015 15:07

And I say this as someone who was recently asked by if we would mind if they used a name extremely close to our DS's name.

YellowDinosaur · 15/09/2015 15:07

Your bm needs to wind her neck in. Like others if the name was extremely unusual I'd think she'd have a point but with a top 20 name she needs to get over herself. I think if you can find a way to gently tell her this you'd be doing her a big favour.

That said I think Ethel has made things hard for herself by telling everyone except your bf. That makes it look as though she knows your mate will be upset and by not being open about it makes it look as though she's done something wrong.

Having said all this I wouldn't have chosen the same name as a close friend who I see regularly for one of my sons.

WizardOfToss · 15/09/2015 15:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

catfordbetty · 15/09/2015 15:11

Perhaps the mother of turtle could start calling him terrapin? Small children are very adaptable - he'd soon get used to it.

KanyeWestPresidentForLife · 15/09/2015 15:26

Is anybody else sitting thinking 'Ooooo, isn't Turtle a nice name for a boy'.

gabsdot45 · 15/09/2015 15:31

This is why you shouldn't tell people what you're thinking about name baby until baby is here and named. Then everyone has to like the name and be ok with it.

ollieplimsoles · 15/09/2015 15:50

For all we know, Ethel may have had this name earmarked for a future son for ages, as op mentioned it was an old family name. Then best mate uses it for her son 20 months ago. Who's to say Ethel wasn't a bit silently miffed that she had got in there first?

She should call her baby what ever she likes, its in the top 20 so he's unlikely to be the only one in his class anyway!

HunterHearstHelmsley · 15/09/2015 15:55

Ethel is being a drama queen!

As someone said above... there used to be loads called Helen, Claire, Rebecca etc. It's only a name.

As an aside, my TWO best mates and me at college all had the same name and very boring surnames to boot. We ended up being called by the beginning letter of our surname in the NATO alphabet. I'm still called mine to this day. Anyone with the same name that entered the group also had the same type of nickname. Don't know what we would have done if someone had the same initial!

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 15/09/2015 16:05

Is anyone else really warming to the name Turtle?!

starlight2007 · 15/09/2015 16:40

Is anyone else really warming to the name Turtle?

LOL yes I am... hope Katie price isn't on this thread

reni2 · 15/09/2015 16:57

I agree it is precious to claim name ownership, but what really gets me is the stunning control-freakery shown when she send a message to Ethel's husband "raising this and expressing her thoughts". Luckily, Mr Ethel appears to be wise and concerned for is wife and also brave enough to tell would-be controlling friend how inappropriate this is.

Original poster

Drmum83 · 15/09/2015 17:22

Ha! I plucked Turtle out of thin air but it is kinda cute... Maybe I could get Ethel to change her mind then problem solved...
She is a control freak - part of me wonders if the fling BM and Ethel's DH had is still an issue...
It's not Alfie, it's a royal name, not George.
I'll work on BM... Ethel had said prior to either of them having kids that she liked the name too. BM has sold her house in last few weeks and is waiting to move, part of the reason cited is this issue!

OP posts:

NobodyLivesHere · 15/09/2015 17:27

it would bother me. i KNOW i dont own my childrens names. I kNOW that logically but it would still bug me.

spiderlight · 15/09/2015 17:28

Has she considered Tortoise? Terrapin - Terry (or Pinny) for short?

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