Baby name row

[Drmum83]

Is my friend being unreasonable?

My best mate has a DS 21 mo ( let's call him turtle)
Mutual close mate (let's call her Ethel) is due to give birth in 2 weeks.
Friends live 100 yards from each other and see each other a few times per week.
Ethel has made it clear to others (incl me) that should she have a boy, she will be naming him turtle. She has not raised this with best mate. Several ppl have told best mate this and she is pretty peed off. She thinks it will be strange for there to be two little turtles who are likely to be mates in the same friendship group. She is mostly peeved that Ethel hasnt told her.
Best mate, a few weeks ago, sent a message to Ethel's husband raising this and expressing her thoughts. (Best mate and husband have known each other for years since Uni and are close- for info, they had a fling back then)
Ethel's husband basically said that he was not going to raise this with Ethel as felt it inappropriate when she is stressed and heavily pregnant.
Best mate fuming.
What are your thoughts? Anticipating the birth announcement with gritted teeth!!

Ps the name is top 20, traditional and is becoming more common. Ethel likes the name is an old family name...

I picked a top ten name for my boy (see nickname...). Picked it years before he was born. A close friend I see regularly had one a few months before me, and a close friend today told me she almost called her new son it. It would never enter my head to either a) think someone had copied me by choosing it or b) worry that someone thought I copied them. A hundred years ago every other person was called it! (well almost)

It sounds like your BM is partly outraged because Ethel's DH didn't do as she (unreasonably) asked.

Bm has always thought Ethel is jealous of her. Ethel, to be fair, has seemingly copied a lot of BM's home decor ideas/nursery colour scheme etc.. BM bought a new car, Ethel bought a very similar one a few weeks later.. BM did her garden up, Ethel did a few weeks later... I'm undecided really as to whether this is just a case of good friends= similar tastes or that Ethel is a little bit strange... Either way, I'm not justifying BM's behavior, I'm just annoyingly giving more info.
Sadly it's all a bit 'keeping up with the Jones's '

To be honest it does put a completely different slant on the issue.

If I felt someone was copying my life then then they picked the same name I would be peeved.

Clearly the consensus here is that the bestmate is being precious which I also think. Further to that, I actually don't think Ethel "owes" the bestmate the courtesy of notifying her that she's using the same name, it's actually nothing to do with the bestmate as to what name Ethel gives her child. Bestmate does not have any "dibs" on the name and Ethel has a family connection and reason of her own to give her child this name. Bestmates only duty is to say congratulations when turtle is born!

Turtle

Your vest mate IBU. She's especially unreasonable to have texted Ethel's dh behind her back. They're clearly not great friends.

Anyway, she doesn't own the name, it needn't be an issue and that is that.

Your best mate IBU I think.

My guess is that BM secretly doesn't like Ethel very much anyway, hence reacting to things that may seem reasonable or excusable (ie decor suggestions) in a manner which paints Ethel in a bad light.

Anyway if BM knows all about it anyway, why can't she just bring it up with Ethel?

If the name really was Turtle or something similarly unusual I might see her point.

But a top 20 name? Totally fine. If that's the name they love and it has family links it seems crazy not to use it because a friend's child has the same name.

If it's a popular top 20 name chances are both boys will come into many more people with their name as they move through school and become creative at using nicknames to distinguish between one Turtle and another.

We have 2 kids, boy and girl.

We have friends living abroad (where my DH is from). Our son is 24. When these friends had their first child (who's about 10 now) they called him the same name as my son. But that was fine because it's a fairly popular name in that country.

Scroll four years later, this couple had a girl. They wanted to call the girl by the same name as my daughter!! This was really a bit weird as it's not a name used at all in that country. The wife is a bit cuckoo to be honest, and it felt like she was copying us, so we gently asked our friend (the husband) if they could choose another name as we felt a bit "woo" about it, which they did, thank goodness.

But if they had gone ahead, there wasn't anything we could have done about it, but it would have felt weird if their kids had been named exactly the same as ours!

Ah, Turtle, the old family name.

bagel - yeh. I don't blame you for gently asking them to reconsider.
Bagel - 'how's Topsy and Tim?'
Bagel's mate: 'They're great thanks, Topsy is off to Uni next week, how's Topsy and Tim?'
Weird.

I think the only issue in my opinion is that Ethel has told everyone else aside from bm. In doing this, she comes across as hiding it or feeling guilty for using the name - bm has sniffed this out and hence feels justified in reacting the way she has

OR, Ethel didn't tell your BM since BM is the type to totally over-react and indeed "sniff things out". And since she's reacted in such a weird and OTT way, Ethel was right.

I am always puzzled why people are so entwined and wrapped up with each other that they think it is any of their business what anyone calls their baby!

It doesn't matter who thinks what or says what - You expect a baby, you choose a name and as far as I am concerned everyone else's opinion counts for nothing.

It's such a weird thing isn't it? Everyone is right that no one owns a name. If you choose a fairly common name it's inevitable that others closeby will also choose it (my DD's name became massively common the year she was born and I was momentarily pissed off!).

I have to admit though, I can understand why your friend is a bit "grrrrr" about it. The thing is I think it's one of those situations where you have to have a word with yourself and just admit that you are being a bit silly. It really wont bother her in a few years. I did have a couple of friends in similar situations when we all had babies and some of them felt put out. They all got over it quickly though.