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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby name row

88 replies

Drmum83 · 15/09/2015 14:26

Is my friend being unreasonable?

My best mate has a DS 21 mo ( let's call him turtle)
Mutual close mate (let's call her Ethel) is due to give birth in 2 weeks.
Friends live 100 yards from each other and see each other a few times per week.
Ethel has made it clear to others (incl me) that should she have a boy, she will be naming him turtle. She has not raised this with best mate. Several ppl have told best mate this and she is pretty peed off. She thinks it will be strange for there to be two little turtles who are likely to be mates in the same friendship group. She is mostly peeved that Ethel hasnt told her.
Best mate, a few weeks ago, sent a message to Ethel's husband raising this and expressing her thoughts. (Best mate and husband have known each other for years since Uni and are close- for info, they had a fling back then)
Ethel's husband basically said that he was not going to raise this with Ethel as felt it inappropriate when she is stressed and heavily pregnant.
Best mate fuming.
What are your thoughts? Anticipating the birth announcement with gritted teeth!!

Ps the name is top 20, traditional and is becoming more common. Ethel likes the name is an old family name...

OP posts:
noeffingidea · 15/09/2015 17:29

Why would you try to get Ethel to change her mind? It's not really any of your business, is it?

Blinkinwinkin · 15/09/2015 17:30

she being vU. She is MOVING house over this? Jeez fingers crossed she is moving far, far away..
If she's like this over a common name, imagine what she will be like at the school gate when turtle elder isn't given the star role in the school play, or not picked for the football team! Keep her away from me!

reni2 · 15/09/2015 17:30

It might bother me irrationally too, NobodyLivesHere, but I would really hope I'd never confide in anyone other than my own DH and I am certain I wouldn't be stalking Ethel's DH.

JohnCusacksWife · 15/09/2015 17:31

Your BM sounds ever so slightly deranged about this. She really needs to back off...

Original poster
Drmum83 · 15/09/2015 17:34

noeffingidea - just joking. I couldn't give a fuck what their names are. No, none of my business.. Luckily I wisely chose to live 20 minutes away from Wisteria Lane. The competition between them with regards everything is pathetic.

OP posts:
YellowDinosaur · 15/09/2015 17:34

Charlie, harry, henry or William then. Hundreds of all of them. Hardly original. Please try and help your mate to get over herself. Moving because a close friend is using the same name as her is one of the biggest over reactions I've ever seen.

Oliversmumsarmy · 15/09/2015 17:35

What happens when your bm meets other children with the same name Will she be peeved with the dps that they have copied her.

seems to me like your bm thinks she still holds some influence over ethers dh and is more peed off that she doesn't

Original poster
Drmum83 · 15/09/2015 17:35

yellow yep. It's in your four.

OP posts:
mrspremise · 15/09/2015 17:58

Dozens of Harrys and Charlies at my DC' s school. BM had better be ready for a whole lot of, er, issue raising Hmm if it's one of those...

Trickydecision · 15/09/2015 18:13

Friends kindly changed their new guineapig's name from Reuben when they heard we were calling DS2 that. It would not have bothered me if they had stuck to it though maybe a small rodent with the same name is easier to accept than a friend's child.

NobodyLivesHere · 15/09/2015 18:16

reni oh absolutely, i would inwardly seethe. i wouldn't make myself look like a crazy person by setting my husband on her!

meditrina · 15/09/2015 18:19

" - part of me wonders if the fling BM and Ethel's DH had is still an issue..."

Fairly epic drip feed there.

SilentlyScreamingAgain · 15/09/2015 18:24

The Spice Girls managed with two Mels and if Scary Spice can manage, so can Ethel.

SoreArms · 15/09/2015 18:28

BM is BU

Original poster
Drmum83 · 15/09/2015 18:30

medtrina sorry, thought I'd said in OP that there'd been a fling...?
There is a huge background story but I tried to add only the bits that may be relevant. Doubt anyone would read it otherwise as would take an hour...

OP posts:
PlopsyWhopsy · 15/09/2015 18:31

BM is being unreasonable.
Glad you've come round to same thinking OP, you started off siding with your BM, now you're thinking Ethel is completely fine to call her son turtle. She's probably had this name picked out for years. I have a family name I told a dying relative I would name my children after. Meant so much to me to tell them that. If my best mate had called their kid that on the same day, I would still use that name.
Ethel has told everyone in advance so it will get back to BM so that she doesn't get shit from BM post birth and can enjoy her baby. She might not want to have announced the name but felt it was the only way to mitigate BM.
Crazy BM texting the DH to get her to change it? I don't think its going to be a problem as Ethel is likely not going to be friends and meet up with BM anymore after this

Idefix · 15/09/2015 18:51

Sounds like this house move can't happen soon enough think that might be poor English but you no doubt will catch my drift

It sounds like a very unhealthy situation that turtles mum and Ethel are in but turtles mum really needs to get a grip.

As a member of a group of friends where a previous fling is a thing must be fairly common it can be tricky ime especially when living in such close proximity. Wise move living further away op Grin

Yy to Turtle being a cute name Wink

MamaLazarou · 15/09/2015 19:08

I honestly can't understand what the issue is. It's a popular name, two people who know each other use it... I'm baffled. If it was Geronimo or Parsifal, it would seem like Ethel was copying your friend but there are 5 million Harry/Henry/Williams in the world, what does it matter if two of them live near each other and play together?

OnIlkelyMoorBahtat · 15/09/2015 19:16

^ Turtle is^ a great name. Reminds me of a friend who used to muse that 'Rhubarb' would be a brilliant name for a toddler.

Original poster
Drmum83 · 15/09/2015 19:21

I think the only issue in my opinion is that Ethel has told everyone else aside from bm. In doing this, she comes across as hiding it or feeling guilty for using the name - bm has sniffed this out and hence feels justified in reacting the way she has.
Sorry to now drip feed but I think the way the thread has gone, more info giving is justified...
Bm has always thought Ethel is jealous of her. Ethel, to be fair, has seemingly copied a lot of BM's home decor ideas/nursery colour scheme etc.. BM bought a new car, Ethel bought a very similar one a few weeks later.. BM did her garden up, Ethel did a few weeks later... I'm undecided really as to whether this is just a case of good friends= similar tastes or that Ethel is a little bit strange... Either way, I'm not justifying BM's behavior, I'm just annoyingly giving more info.
Sadly it's all a bit 'keeping up with the Jones's '

OP posts:
Original poster
Drmum83 · 15/09/2015 19:23

plopsy BM was outraged that Ethel's DH didn't agree to rethink the name!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Drmum83 · 15/09/2015 19:25

I'd love for an expecting mumsnetter to call their baby boy Turtle. Tortoise for a girl? (Pronounced Tor-Toyce)

OP posts:
TeaAndNoSympathy · 15/09/2015 19:32

I'm astounded at your BM and her DH TBH. Do grown ups really have 'big rows' about this kind of non-issue? How tedious. One of my closest friends recently called her Dd the same name as my Dd2. Did I give a toss? No, not a shiny shite. It's a pretty common name, she liked it, I liked it, I don't own it. I wished her well. I couldn't be arsed with all this self councious drama. God, who has the time?

NeedsAsockamnesty · 16/09/2015 14:01

Fairly epic drip feed there

It IS in the op! Hardly a drip feed

meditrina · 16/09/2015 14:17

My apologies everyone!

(I usually can read, really I can Blush )

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