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AIBU?

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Original poster

Birthdays, siblings and presents

90 replies

Beth2511 · 15/09/2015 10:53

Been having a debate with someone over this and as we were both only children we aren't really sure..

I have DD and DSD. Dd is 1 in november and dsd 8 in january. I have just finished buying dds presents and a friend has said for siblings you should get thr non-birthday child a present as well so they don't get jealous?

Surely its not unreasonable to expect children to learn that they all have a birthday and it is their special day and not to expect presents on someone elses? Or os it a done thing that siblings do in fact get presents on another's birthday?

OP posts:
DoJo · 15/09/2015 10:57

This always seems to divide opinion - personally I think that so long as siblings are treated fairly throughout the year, it shouldn't really matter whether they receive a small gift on their sibling's birthday or not in terms of their ability to deal with others having the limelight.

IMO, children who are given un-birthday presents to avoid an otherwise inevitable meltdown have bigger issues than whether they are given a gift or not, and those who are happy to let their siblings have a special day will not suddenly become overbearing simply because they are given a small gift once a year.

MidnightAura · 15/09/2015 10:57

I don't think you are unreasonable. My mum used to do this with my sister and I, I can't remember what age it stopped. She now does the same with all the grandchildren and looked horrified when I came to my nieces 6th birthday without a present for her 12 year old sister.

I agree with you though.

Twindroops · 15/09/2015 10:58

Well it isn't a done thing in this house (10,6,5)! Sounds like a ridiculous idea to me life is expensive enough without making a non-problem into a thing, not to mention children need to learn how to celebrate other people's special days, not everything can be about them.

Your friend that said siblings should get a present is BU. And a wally.

MrsTedCrilly · 15/09/2015 11:00

My sis in law does it, it's daft. The birthday should be for the birthday boy/girl only! They all get a turn! It just encourages being spoilt.

Every1KnowsJeffHesUsuallyACunt · 15/09/2015 11:06

Surely its not unreasonable to expect children to learn that they all have a birthday and it is their special day and not to expect presents on someone elses?

No, its not unreasonable whatsoever. I don't get extra gifts. I think it's a ridiculous notion that children have to have just because someone else does. So what if they're a bit jealous, they must wait their turn.

MaxPepsi · 15/09/2015 11:07

I have done this when I've bought a gift for a new baby - the older sibling has also received something small.

However I don't always do this and it depends on the relationship I already have with the child.

I don't think this scenario is the same as Birthdays though. not helpful

youngestisapsycho · 15/09/2015 11:08

It is daft... everyone has their own birthday. If other child gets upset that sibling is having presents, than they need to learn that that's how it goes... they will get presents on their own birthday!

Kim82 · 15/09/2015 11:11

No non-birthday presents here either. I have 4 kids with their birthdays very close together (2 in late July and 2 in august) so it would cost a bloody fortune to buy extra presents when it's not their birthday. They all know that the birthday boy/girl gets the presents and they have to wait their turn.

LittleMissLady · 15/09/2015 11:15

Another one saying its daft. My 3 yr old is thoroughly excited for her 1 yr old brother today. She is expecting him to get presents but none for herself.

If you are having a party of any nature then do the older kids some party bags but otherwise it's not about them.
I agree it is a non problem expensive thing that will surely lead to entitled attitudes?

BiddyPop · 15/09/2015 11:15

There were 6 DCs when I was growing up - presents were only ever for the birthday child.

The only family within the family that I know comes near to it is where all 3 DCs are within a week of each other, so people tend to bring for all 3 together.

Even the household where there are 3 very precious pampered darlings, each DC has their own birthday and the others don't get a present then.

whatsagoodusername · 15/09/2015 11:15

My parents did this when my sisters and I were kids. It was nice. There was no trying to steal limelight from the birthday girl, and it was always very small. It was definitely just one person's birthday, and the day was about them.

I suppose they started it to avoid tantrums to begin, as my younger sister and I are 18 months apart and probably didn't get the concept of presents for one when we were very little, but all my memories of it are quite specifically of the day belonging to the birthday girl, not what present I was going to get. And I don't recall ever feeling put out that my sisters had small presents on my own birthday.

So I don't have a problem with it, but probably expectations do need to be managed quite carefully.

CarmenMonoxide · 15/09/2015 11:16

I think it's a ridiculous idea. Other kids have to learn it's not always about them.

MaidOfStars · 15/09/2015 11:16

I buy siblings a token gift - hairgrips, or a comic, or stickers etc. At the moment, I am only buying for small children, and I think I will stop when they get older.

3CheekyLittleMonkeys · 15/09/2015 11:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

3CheekyLittleMonkeys · 15/09/2015 11:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnnieNon · 15/09/2015 11:56

I never bought sibling presents. I like birthdays to be all about the birthday child.

Pobspits · 15/09/2015 12:13

We do this not to avoid tantrums but just because, we do! My parents always did it and because ds was born at Xmas I feel a bit sorry for him that he only gets presents one time of year.

I don't especially care what other people think or do. It's always a wee thing - last year I think Dd got sparkly dress up shoes and this year ds is getting a small Star Wars person.

lardyscouse · 15/09/2015 14:19

I'm a horrid Aunty. All my nieces and nephews get their presents on MY BIRTHDAY. That way, 1. I don't forget. 2. They get me a present and 3. I get to be the batty Aunty.

TheExMotherInLaw · 15/09/2015 16:27

I think I started this habit amongst a group of us who each had 2 children. We used to get just a tiny gift - 99p sort of thing, for the non-birthday child. I started it because the non birthday children at that stage were old enough to notice that the other was having presents, and not them, but not old enough to understand about birthdays. It became a habit until the youngest ones started school. If I take anyone a baby gift, I always take a gift for an older sibling. One of the most important things in my hospital bag was a gift for ds from his new baby sister.

G1veMeStrength · 15/09/2015 16:30

We don't do sibling presents but we do insist on them including each other in their birthday parties. Usually the sibling gets to bring a friend too.

motheroftwoboys · 15/09/2015 16:32

I think it is nonsense to buy a present for a none birthday sibling. Our two are nineteen months apart and it was never an issue. They always enjoyed each others birthday almost as much as their own. I have always tried to spend similar amounts on them though - specially at Christmas.

Lauren15 · 15/09/2015 16:34

I agree with you. Children need to learn to think of other people's feelings. My MIL insists on giving her dgcs from her other son presents on my dd's birthday (5 and 3) so they don't get jealous, yet for some reason she doesn't give any to my dd (7)or older dcs on their birthdays! Hmm. Appalling favouritism but I ignore it as I wouldn't want them to think they were entitled to a present on someone else's birthday anyway.

Waltermittythesequel · 15/09/2015 16:37

This is the most ridiculous thing I've heard yet on MN!

Sibling presents in case the special snowflakes are upset that THEY WEREN'T BORN ON THAT DAY??

Jesus wept!

OneDay103 · 15/09/2015 16:39

Yanbu, it's a present for only the birthday child. No wonder children are becoming more precious by the day and melting down over everything because every ridiculous whim is being catered for. What message does it send to the child?

katienana · 15/09/2015 16:42

I used to get something from my aunt because my brother and sister had their birthdays on consecutive days. I think with little ones it can help distract them from wanting to help unwrap too enthusiastically.