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Original poster

Birthdays, siblings and presents

90 replies

Beth2511 · 15/09/2015 10:53

Been having a debate with someone over this and as we were both only children we aren't really sure..

I have DD and DSD. Dd is 1 in november and dsd 8 in january. I have just finished buying dds presents and a friend has said for siblings you should get thr non-birthday child a present as well so they don't get jealous?

Surely its not unreasonable to expect children to learn that they all have a birthday and it is their special day and not to expect presents on someone elses? Or os it a done thing that siblings do in fact get presents on another's birthday?

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 15/09/2015 18:40

*buy

hazeyjane · 15/09/2015 18:45

I don't see why it matters if others want to do it. Everyone does things differently. My mum always gave us a small present on the others birthday, so we just did the same on the dc's birthdays. It is just a little gift, something like a sticker book or Shopkins. They are kind and generous (well ds has his moments!) and they all love their birthdays - so I can't see it has been a big deal tbh!

AmberNectarine · 15/09/2015 18:51

I have two kids (5 & 4), I always get the other a little gift on each of their birthdays - it doesn't take away the limelight and they don't expect it, it's just a nice little surprise for them on a happy day. I can afford it, my kids aren't spoiled and I really don't care what anyone thinks :)

Booboostwo · 15/09/2015 19:17

Sounds like a really bad idea. Children should learn that sometimes the focus is on other people. I have a 4yo and a 1yo and the 4yo focused on doing things for her brother for his recent birthday. She chose a gift for him, chose a design for his birthday cake and made him a happy birthday banner, so she was involved in the celebrations without making it all about her.

Booboostwo · 15/09/2015 19:19

On a related note my 4yo has pocket money and knows that when we go to vide grenier (like car boot sales) if she wants something more expensive than her allowance she cannot have it. It's good to teach children that they can't have everything.

Mehitabel6 · 15/09/2015 19:20

Utterly ridiculous! They get their birthday and special day- they just have to wait their turn. It is a good lesson to put someone else first.

hazeyjane · 15/09/2015 19:26

We do the same with our dcs too - they get presents for their siblings, they save up their pocket money - they are very well aware that the world doesn't revolve around them. They also get a little gift on their siblings birthdays - and it isn't because they would throw a tantrum if they didn't - they wouldn't.

Lauren15 · 15/09/2015 19:59

On my dc's birthdays bil insists that his kids (3 and 5) also get turns to blow out the candles and have happy birthday sung to them. When dd (7) objected this year there were tears and tantrums and dh made dd let them each have a turn. I think that is pretty spoiled.

DepecheNO · 15/09/2015 20:03

My parents did this. Just something small. I wouldn't necessarily though, I don't think. I'd give the older sibling(s) a gift when I give the newborn a gift because it's an important rite of passage for them too, but birthdays does seem to be setting a precedent. I'm not saying I think it's wrong to give gifts, but I'd feel inclined to give the sibling something party-oriented and un-gifty like a small bag of sweets or special character T-shirt to wear to the party.

teeththief · 15/09/2015 20:06

I have a friend who does this. She has 3 children and each birthday is like bloody Christmas in their house! Bonkers especially when she insists her children aren't spoilt but they obviously are

Alanna1 · 15/09/2015 20:10

I do this, so do my DPs and my DPiL and my DSis. I tend to give the non-birthday child things they would probably have got in the near future anyway but which from their persepective are presents. My children are both pre-schoolers. Eg, new face paints, new arts and crafts materials, new camping equipment that we need as a family, socks and underwear, etc.

BackforGood · 15/09/2015 20:11

Completely bonkers to start on this road.
Birthdays are the ideal way to begin to learn that sometimes someone else gets a present (ot treat, or extra attention) and then on another day it will be your turn. Really doing dc a disservice to buy them a present on a sibling's birthday, IMVHO.

ShadowLine · 15/09/2015 20:23

We only give the birthday child presents in this house. The un-birthday child has to wait for their own birthday.

Also, the Un-birthday child gets to share in any birthday treats - parties + party bag, cake, etc, so it's not like they don't get to have any fun.

Waltermittythesequel · 15/09/2015 20:35

I don't understand why people do this.

Lauren15 · 15/09/2015 20:44

Very true Shadow.

SouthWestmom · 15/09/2015 21:10

God all this judginess over something that really matters very little. Worse to inflict a sibling at a birthday party in my opinion. Birthday child gives siblings a small present here; comic, trading cards, small moshi monster etc. It's a tradition now. Like I do party bags on my birthday for DH and the dcs.

ShadowLine · 15/09/2015 21:38

What do you do with the sibling if you don't let them go to the birthday child's party?

SouthWestmom · 15/09/2015 21:58

Well it depends. Usually one of us goes to the party and supervises. If it's at home then they might get a friend round and stay upstairs with a film and popcorn or go to granny's.

BarbarianMum · 15/09/2015 22:05

We did unbirthday presents (1 per birthday) between the ages of 18mo and 3. Saved a lot of screaming. By 3 they 'got' that it wasn't their turn. The presents themselves were tiny -a wrapped up milky bar on one occasion.

hazeyjane · 15/09/2015 22:28

Really doing dc a disservice to buy them a present on a sibling's birthday, IMVHO.

In what way am I doing my dcs a disservice?

I don't understand why people do this

Well, because my parents did it when we were children. All my children enjoy it. The whole birthday day is a celebration with gifts and cake and a treat (like a day out, meal etc) for everyone (although the siblings whose birthday it isn't only get a little gift).

Apart from the usual squabbles, my children are lovely to each other. My dd1 get's her brother to 'help' her open her Xmas and birthday presents, they enjoy buying and making small presents for each other and genuinely enjoy giving as well as receiving.

hazeyjane · 15/09/2015 22:30

Our dds don't go to each other's birthday parties/cinema trips etc - the non birthday girl usually stays home with one of us and their brother, and have a friend over, then everyone piles back to ours for cake.

Minicaters · 15/09/2015 23:44

I remember my mum doing when we were very small. I think there was an element that I had a Jan birthday and NO new toys apart from christmas and birthday. It was a long time for me to wait for presents from Jan to Dec. My brother's birthday was a bit of an excuse.

We have never felt the need to do it for our own children's sibs' birthdays, but their birthdays are fairly spaced round christmas. Plus, kids have so much more stuff these days.

BumpTheElephant · 16/09/2015 00:26

No I don't really understand the point of "unbirthday" presents. I don't think it stops jealousy at all.
I have a 3 and 5 yr old, they understand they get presents on their own birthday. Neither of them have ever tantrummed over it and both love birthdays no matter whose it is and enjoy giving presents as much as receiving them.

TheExMotherInLaw · 16/09/2015 02:10

funnily enough, the friend I started this with popped round to see me a few weeks ago, as she'd realised I was half way between birthdays, so brought me flowers for my half birthday - I laughed my head off! (none of us had ever done THAT before!) We're just silly friends who like a laugh and to spread a bit of cheer.

toilingpug · 16/09/2015 02:15

I always got a small gift to unwrap on my sister's birthday and she got one on mine. I don't see the big deal. The 'non birthday' gift was only a couple of quid- a bag of marbles or a bubble bath etc. didn't take the shine off the birthday girl and stopped any resentment on the actual day.
Although there were only 2 of us!