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AIBU?

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Original poster

Birthdays, siblings and presents

90 replies

Beth2511 · 15/09/2015 10:53

Been having a debate with someone over this and as we were both only children we aren't really sure..

I have DD and DSD. Dd is 1 in november and dsd 8 in january. I have just finished buying dds presents and a friend has said for siblings you should get thr non-birthday child a present as well so they don't get jealous?

Surely its not unreasonable to expect children to learn that they all have a birthday and it is their special day and not to expect presents on someone elses? Or os it a done thing that siblings do in fact get presents on another's birthday?

OP posts:
steff13 · 16/09/2015 06:29

My grandmother used to get my brother and me each a small gift on the other's birthday. It wasn't something we demanded, it was just something she always did. Neither of us begrudged the other their non-birthday gift, and it didn't take away from our special day. Neither of us had grown up spoiled; in fact, we're both quite generous. I don't think any lasting damage was done.

mummytime · 16/09/2015 16:45

My DC never sqabbled over the "birthday child" getting presents. The only squabbles happened when the Birthday child would have rather had the cheap toy the others got rather than their present.

But maybe my children are unusual?

Spartans · 16/09/2015 16:51

I would be upset of one of my children got the cob on, because it would be the others birthday and that would be dealt with.
Personally it's a bizarre things to do imo

rosieliveson1 · 16/09/2015 16:52

Nope, no unbirthday gifts here. I may be a bit mean though as I also refuse to relight the candles for other children to 'take a turn' blowing them out. To me, one child's blow all over my piece of cake is enough Grin
The only time I do a sibling gift is when a new baby arrives. Bigger brother or sister always get a little something from me then.

Junosmum · 16/09/2015 18:08

Umm, no. You get presents on your birthday, not on other people's birthdays. Otherwise what would be special about YOUR birthday. Kids have to learn that sometimes some people get something and others don't. A birthday is a great way to learn this as there's a reason one person is getting something the other isn't.

Sighing · 16/09/2015 18:12

Kids don't expect a gift just because a sibling has one. Or do they then get gifts for every adults birthday at home? It's just bollocks. My exMIL does this, my daughters already find it embarrassing as someone elses birthday isn't about them.

SouthWestmom · 16/09/2015 18:51

It doesn't take away from the children's birthdays. It's like some posters are ignoring the sensible 'tub of bubbles' 'comic' examples and instead creating sulky children striping unless half of Hamleys is handed over.

SouthWestmom · 16/09/2015 18:52

Stropping not striping

aprilanne · 16/09/2015 19:16

i always give a small thing to the non birthday child i stopped for the eldest when he moved out with his partner he was 23 .

aprilanne · 16/09/2015 19:18

well i never wrapped the small gift right enough it was usually in a bag .so they knew it was there brothers day but they got a little toy/gift

lanbro · 16/09/2015 19:32

We had this as kids and we do it now with ours, as do most people I know! I've not ended up spoilt so I'm not concerned for my dc, it's just something we do

SouthWestmom · 16/09/2015 20:37

Aprilanne Grin

MrsKoala · 16/09/2015 20:45

My boys are just 3 and just 1 and in the 1yo birthday we got something for the 3yo (their birthdays are a week apart) he knew it was his birthday coming up but he couldn't understand that ds2s birthday was first. He thought it was his birthday. My mum gave him a little doctors set and i bought him a bath toy fishing rod and little fish to catch.

We will probably not do it when they get older, but at the moment he just doesn't understand.

However, what we might do is get a present for them to give to each other on their birthday so they know that altho it is their birthday, they also have to share with others. I never got the 'special day' thing all for one person. I think birthdays are for everyone and celebrating together and everyone getting things and having a nice time is the way to go. I have met quite a few 'IT'S MY SPESHUL DAY AND I GET EVERYTHING MY OWN WAY' children and adults. And i think that's so odd. Other peoples feeling need to be taken into consideration and they should get a say in what happens and the celebrations.

We also are an unbirthday household and quite often designate a day every few weeks for an unbirthday (particularly if my Mum and Dad are with us or we are on holiday) and i buy a cake and candles and little gifts and we decorate the house and we sing 'happy birthday to nobody' and we have a party. Grin

OctoberCupcake · 16/09/2015 20:55

YANBU. They have to learn that everyone has their own special day, surely? If a little one is accustomed to getting a gift on their siblings' birthday, what happens at birthday parties for cousins, playmates and school friends?

hazeyjane · 16/09/2015 21:08

Birthdays aren't all about the gifts. My dc's totally get that a birthday is about celebrating the person whose birthday it is, doing things that they will enjoy, and everybody in the family having fun together - one of those things they enjoy is the sitting round and giving each other a little gift before the birthday child gets all the rest of their presents.

Of course they understand that they don't get presents in their friend's birthdays, they're not daft!

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