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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Birthdays, siblings and presents

90 replies

Beth2511 · 15/09/2015 10:53

Been having a debate with someone over this and as we were both only children we aren't really sure..

I have DD and DSD. Dd is 1 in november and dsd 8 in january. I have just finished buying dds presents and a friend has said for siblings you should get thr non-birthday child a present as well so they don't get jealous?

Surely its not unreasonable to expect children to learn that they all have a birthday and it is their special day and not to expect presents on someone elses? Or os it a done thing that siblings do in fact get presents on another's birthday?

OP posts:

Original poster

Beth2511 · 15/09/2015 16:43

Thank goodness it isnt jurt me that thinks its crazy.

Reckon DSD would love it on DDs birthday but would hate it on her birthday because quite rightly ira her birthday, not her little sister's.

OP posts:

CookieMonsterIsOnADiet · 15/09/2015 16:46

Daft idea, each child gets a birthday so as long as equal amounts are spent on them on their days then it's fair.

Crazypetlady · 15/09/2015 16:58

I had never even heard of this

Nanny0gg · 15/09/2015 16:59

I'd never heard of this lunatic idea before Mumsnet.

Does it stem from buying older siblings presents when there's a new baby? (I don't mind that one - it's not annual)

3littlebadgers · 15/09/2015 17:09

Lauren my dm is the same. On each of my dc's birthdays, my nephew also gets a present (last time he got an iPad when dd, on her own birthday, got paint your own plant pot), a helium balloon and has to blow out the candles! Her excuse is that he is an only child so he doesn't understand, to which I always answer he never will if you keep doing it. He is now 6! Luckily my dc don't bat an eyelid but it does seem a little unfair and pointless to me.

reni2 · 15/09/2015 17:17

It is divisive, quite a few people do it. I think it takes the birthday away from the actual birthday girl to make it everybody's birthday.

hels71 · 15/09/2015 17:23

I would buy siblings something when a new baby arrives, so when my new niece/nephew appears I will get my other nieces a small "now you are a big sister" gift. But not on birthdays if you know what I mean.

BowiesJumper · 15/09/2015 17:27

Ha, no way. We never got presents as kids on each other's birthdays.

There was one girl at school who did on her sister's birthday, but she was a spoilt little whinger (this obviously didn't help matters).

BathshebaDarkstone · 15/09/2015 17:27

YANBU. In our house, DH has a birthday first, then me, then DS, then DD. The last 3 are all within a month. Nobody gets jealous, because they've either just had a birthday or they'll have one in 3 weeks.

Osolea · 15/09/2015 17:33

I always get a present for the older sibling if a baby is born, but there's no need on birthdays. Ime, the non birthday child still gets treats, like whatever family day out or party is happening, taken out to dinner or treat dinner/breakfast at home, birthday cake etc.

I'd be seriously worried about my parenting if my child got all that and was still jealous at it not being their birthday.

lilyb84 · 15/09/2015 17:34

I've never heard of this being done before. As a child I'd have never expected it and the fun of my sisters' birthdays was I'm GIVING them presents, not in receiving a consolation gift for myself! My birthday's very close to Christmas and on one occasion my parents bought me and my sister both roller skates... on MY birthday... because it was something we both wanted and still pretty much Christmas season anyway. It was a one off and I may have slightly resented my sister for getting an extra present

So YANBU and I agree with pp who've said children need to learn it's not always about them. Jeez.

Ludways · 15/09/2015 17:34

I never knew this was even a thing until I came in here, I think it's a bit daft but likewise I don't get the vitriol for it either.

operaha · 15/09/2015 17:50

Awful and spoilt. Have never understood it at all.

Gatehouse77 · 15/09/2015 17:55

No, no, no!

A birthday is a special day for the birthday child.
If a sibling is jealous then that's an issue to be dealt with separately.

Christmas is a special day for everybody, it a birthday.

I feel very strongly about this, can you tell?

ZombiesAteMyBaby · 15/09/2015 17:59

Meh, we've always done this. Started funnily enough whsn dd1 was turning one and DSD was 11, just so she wouldn't feel left out. It's dd2's birthday tomorrow and I've gotten dd1 a little something. Although at 23 DSD is a bit old for an extra present on her sister's birthday.

TheRealAmyLee · 15/09/2015 18:00

I have bought a small sibling present for my own kids/nieces & nephews when buying for a new baby but never done it for birthdays.

Pengweng · 15/09/2015 18:02

I never got a present on my sisters birthday and i wasn't planning on doing it with my kids but I got twins so i kinda have too

Birthdays are just for the birthday person.

Waltermittythesequel · 15/09/2015 18:05

I'd be seriously worried about my parenting if my child got all that and was still jealous at it not being their birthday

Quite!

lorelei9 · 15/09/2015 18:07

Waltermitty "This is the most ridiculous thing I've heard yet on MN! "

well, it goes back way earlier....my parents did it from nearly 40 years ago! I think only till I was about 4 or 5 though?

I actually don't get it either. It makes total sense for the birthday person to be the only person to get stuff! Otherwise we'd go all Alice in Wonderland and celebrate our unbirthdays, surely?

Pranmasghost · 15/09/2015 18:12

I always give non birthday dgc a small gift on siblings' birthdays for as long as they are in primary school. I do it because I want to. No one else does but it does no harm. Dgs1 will be 9 this week and I have bought Minecraft Lego, a tough case for his tablet and a big pack of Sharpies pens.
His 6 year old brother will be given a BFG dvd, pack of Sharpies and a 'Write your own Book' book. There would be melt down if I didn't but it gives me pleasure.

Pranmasghost · 15/09/2015 18:12

NO meltdown if I didn't.

ollieplimsoles · 15/09/2015 18:20

Stupid idea, everyone gets a birthday!

I think its a lovely idea to buy gifts when a new baby comes along though, my bought me a gift to give to my little sister, and one for her to give to me.

My sister always preferred other kids birthdays to her own, even today she would rather give gifts than receive them and she makes a huge effort. I remember on her tenth birthday she was given £20 a lot of money to us, she bought us BOTH a polly pocket so we could play with them together...oh my heart.

mummytime · 15/09/2015 18:26

For a new baby, especially if the siblings are toddler - then it's a nice gesture.

For Birthdays no!
My SIL did this, the problems were: a) siblings didn't expect presents and were faintly bemused and it stopped the birthday child being as special
b) On occasion the birthday child had a strop because they would have rather had: an annoying cheap whistle or pack of cards - than their present (a toy horse and stable or whatever).

It caused far more meltdowns than anything else on birthdays in our house.

Bellebella · 15/09/2015 18:29

I only have the one child but have a brother and sister and this was never done. A child should be able to get all the fuss on their birthday. They need to learn to deal with it. Your dsd has had 8 birthdays on her own, surely she won't be that upset seeing her baby sister enjoy her birthday

Waltermittythesequel · 15/09/2015 18:33

Pranmas you both the other child three gifts??

If you were my mum I'd be having words with you!

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