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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to give up work for a while?

90 replies

NoonarAgain · 13/09/2015 10:52

I've always worked. My dds are 11 and 13 and I went back to work both times after maternity leave went they were born.

I'm a teacher - I do a 3 day week. I have a fantastic DH who has a stressful job with loads of evening meetings.

I know this sounds ridiculous, as my children are older , but I'm thinking of giving up work. I just feel a bit burned out. I'd love to spend a couple of years just being at home, being there for the dc and doing a bit of private tuition ( it'd break my heart to stop teaching altogether).

I had a totally surreal meeting with my (very unpredictable) head teacher last week. She flew off the handle over something totally irrational and it has really affected me for some reason. I think partly it's because it's a stressful time of year anyway. My dds started a new school this week, too. I just feel really tired of juggling my job, the needs of the dc, DH and even the bloody dog!!

I just want to focus on the home and family for a bit.

I am lucky, I know I have a good life. People would probably think I was really lazy to give up work with children at secondary school, wouldn't they?

So..AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
NoonarAgain · 13/09/2015 11:06

Anyone?

OP posts:
Chchchchangeabout · 13/09/2015 11:06

YANBU. If your DH is happy with you doing this who cares what anyone else thinks? It does depend on his view though as it will affect him and you are relying on his income to do this (I assume).

Original poster
NoonarAgain · 13/09/2015 11:08

Chchch, x post. Thanks.

DH thinks it's a good idea and is actively encouraging it, but only if it's what I want. We'd be ok money wise.

OP posts:
trollkonor · 13/09/2015 11:10

If you're both happy then go for it.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 13/09/2015 11:19

Is the similar thread on here still going?

Anyway - yanbu on the whole, as long as it's a family decision of course.

However, your children are at an age where you'll start seeing a bit less of them, friends and social life tend to override spending time with parents. It sounds like you have a plan for yourself, with the tutoring, which is important. Don't give up work for others, do it because you want to do something different for yourself.

ilovesooty · 13/09/2015 11:20

If you're both happy with it and you are also agreed to accept the implications for your pension it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.
What would you be planning to do once your children have left home or are independent / working / in further education? I see your OP says "for a while" - would you be planning to return to the classroom?

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 13/09/2015 11:22

Do it. Life's too short. Only thing to bear in mind though when my SIL had a break from teaching it took her ages to get another job when she felt ready. She reckoned that schools kept employing NQTs over her because she would be more expensive. Don't know how true that is, maybe she just doesn't interview well?????

Original poster
NoonarAgain · 13/09/2015 11:27

Mrs, I'll check out the other thread if I can find it, thanks.

Sooty, I'm definitely retiring, so that's why I'm saying 'for a while'. Dd2 is 11 and I'd like to be able to cook tea for them very night and not have to go throught the inbetween stage where she's too young to be alone for long and cook, but too old for child care.

Longer term...I'd quite like to foster, or work with something charitable or become a SENCO maybe. Not sure really. I'm in a fortunate financial situation, so can just focus on doing something that I'd find rewarding.

OP posts:
Original poster
NoonarAgain · 13/09/2015 11:29

Whos the... Thanks for that. I know that it is true, but I have some additional SEN qualifications so wouldn't be competing with NQTs. I think my class teaching days are over ( I'm not currently a class teacher, actually).

OP posts:
lorelei9 · 13/09/2015 11:30

go ahead, I say.

in fact, I'm not sure what you are worried about. If you are not worried about money...you're not doing that thing of "what will society think" are you? Because quite honestly, I don't think I'd have made any of my best decisions if I was worried about that Grin

Original poster
NoonarAgain · 13/09/2015 11:31

Lorelei, I think I might be a bit of a martyr and worry about letting the school down.

OP posts:
Finola1step · 13/09/2015 11:35

I'm doing it! Left an SLT post and long commute in July. My dc are younger than yours but I certainly intend to be around more during their teenage years. I'm taking a break this term and will finish off some work for a SEN course I have started.

If you can do it financially then do.

Original poster
NoonarAgain · 13/09/2015 11:37

Finola, hi! Good for you!

I think the guilt I feel is down to the fact I'd like to leave at Xmas. But as I'm not a class teacher any more, maybe I'm being ridiculous.

OP posts:
lorelei9 · 13/09/2015 11:38

OP - I will be the first to admit I have no sympathy for martyrs but also - if an organisation wants to get rid of you, they won't think twice about it. So if you want to leave, why on earth would you worry about that?!

Finola1step · 13/09/2015 11:39

Whothe your SIL may well be correct. Many schools are only employing NQTs - cheaper, malleable, more like to jump through hoops. I know many schools who are keen on the "grow your own" approach to teacher training and recruitment.

Blackcloudsbrightsky · 13/09/2015 11:39

I think that sounds fine.

Work stress can have a knock on effect on the whole family.

LindyHemming · 13/09/2015 11:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
NoonarAgain · 13/09/2015 11:42

Lorelei, I just think I'm just a bit programmed to feel guilty about choosing an easy optio. Dunno... I annoy myself, tbh!

Blackcloud, that's the problem, really. The knock on effect of work stress.

OP posts:
Finola1step · 13/09/2015 11:44

If you don't have a class or GCSE/A level groups...then there's no guilt about leaving at Xmas.

I am primary based. I stayed until the end of the year because my teaching commitments focused on year 6 and their transition. I was also mentoring 3 NQTs and 2 students. So I saw out the year. But if you're thinking this in September and your commitments are not so end of year focused, leave at Xmas.

ilovesooty · 13/09/2015 11:46

It sounds as though you have plans to move on to a new phase in your life.
I certainly don't see how you'd be letting down the school and in any case the needs of you and your family are the most important provided you're observing the notice period, which you are.
Good luck.

Original poster
NoonarAgain · 13/09/2015 11:46

Finola, i don't want to out myself, but I work with lots of different children throughout the year ( often for a term at a time).

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 13/09/2015 11:48

What do you do if you're not a classroom teacher? Would you need to be replaced?

I'm confused by the retiring comment?

Sooty, I'm definitely retiring

Original poster
NoonarAgain · 13/09/2015 11:50

Oops sorry! Def NOT retiring!

I'd rather not give too much details about my role, but it is quite specialist.

OP posts:
lorelei9 · 13/09/2015 11:58

OP "Lorelei, I just think I'm just a bit programmed to feel guilty about choosing an easy optio. Dunno... I annoy myself, tbh!"

the only way society will get rid of such programming is for more of us to say naff off to it quite honestly Grin

rollonthesummer · 13/09/2015 12:04

Right-running some sort of intervention program, I presume. As long as your DH is happy and your head has plenty of notice to replace you, go for it.

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