to tell her to jog on? naming day

[bettyberry]

Just received an invite to a naming ceremony.

Its a non-religious thing and is mostly people giving speeches and dedications to the children (Part of me is thinking of the scene in sleeping beauty where the fairies bestow gifts on the baby)

There is a dress code, a gift list (no deviating!) and strict instructions not to drink alcohol even though the venue has a bar.

There will be no food provided for the 'party' just snacks (crisps, nuts etc) or drinks apart from soda.

It is 3 hours long, early evening, right around dinner time.

The children haven't changed names, no blended family, marriage or ensuring DCs have the same surname etc (I'd still be a bit for these but understand the value of celebrating a 'new' family set up) parents have been together 10+years.

The children are 5 and 8.

To me it all feels a bit grabby (the specific gift list) and that the host (the DCs mother) is feeling a bit put out both her sisters have had babies recently and no one is interested in her spoilt children.

Please tell me I'm not going barmy and this really is just a 'look at me, I'm here! Look at me!' thing.

Hmmm I think it starts with them being wildly out of control if they don't get their own way when young (whether it be tantrums as toddlers or teenagers ) and then when older throwing emotionally blackmailing shit around all that sort of thing perhaps?

Hmmm I think it starts with them being wildly out of control if they don't get their own way when young (whether it be tantrums as toddlers or teenagers )

Yes, that's about how it works in my family. My brother gets away with absolute murder, and has done since he was very small, as he used to have horrific tantrums, and my mother would do anything to get him to stop. This meant he learned very early that he could get whatever he wanted, usually at my expense (there's only two of us). He's never really grown up, still has an explosive temper if he isn't considered to be right about everything, and relies massively on my parents to make his life run smoothly.

As a result, I live several hours away from my parents, and have not spent more than a couple of hours in his presence in 23 years. Last time I saw him, he spent an hour making jokes about my 15 year marriage having recently imploded. My mother said it was my fault, and I should humour him. My relationship with my mother is superficial, because I can't rely on her for support, and it isn't much better with my dad, because he won't stand up for me.

lorelei9 for me I can say it is because I was treated very differently to my sister. Her on a pedestal. Me... not so much. It really hasn't helped that my mother hasn't told her to wind her neck in as she gets older. I know exactly where it has come from but I can't put all the details down here but it does involve an alcoholic parent and the irrational emotional ups and downs that it brings.

Also a ton of emotional blackmail. I think I am immune to the blackmail.

When threatened I always call her bluff 'I'm calling so and so!' 'oh are you? fab! I fancy a natter.' kind of thing. Its all very primary school imo, which is why she has taken to twisting words.

I feel like a 3 year old who wants to say "but whyyyyyyyyyyyy" a lot.

Easy - I mean, why would you parents keep putting up with it - with a toddler for quiet life I can sort of see it....with a teenager that you worry about it, I can sort of see it...but with a grown man? And I am horrified to hear that made jokes about your personal problems like that, how terrible.

OP - don't understand why anyone in your sister's life is putting up with it. Still mystified by the er, wanking incident.

good for you anyway

I think I mean they start of pandering to this person as a young child and for whatever it continues on, and on, and on...

When threatened I always call her bluff 'I'm calling so and so!' 'oh are you? fab! I fancy a natter.'

Which is all amusing knockabout stuff, but it all seems too pathetic dramatic to remain engaged with. Why do you give her the space and time?

lorelei9 the wanking incident... My best guess is insecurity. 'why watch porn and wank when you have me' attitude.
However I do know my sister is very puritanical view of sex. Anything that is not missionary and for 'love' is wrong.

They are putting up with it because of the shitstorm, and it is a shitstorm and a half, that comes with daring to stand up to it.

My siblings said 'they just want a quiet life' and my sis will bring on full blow waterworks to anyone who says anything remotely wrong.

Like the time she was on a 'Diet' yet kept eating junk and someone said 'I thought you were on a diet?' Tears. So many tears about how everyone is trying to ruin her.

Or when I lost weight - tears because I made her the fat one. (By default, but you know I kinda did)

When a sibling gave birth on a day that was important to just her - tears and drama about how her day was ruined.

When she realised someones due date was the same as her DCs birthday - "They planned that to get back at me"

When she was in the early stages of labour came to a family gathering and went to town how inconsiderate we all were even though she should have dropped DCs off and gone home to labour not growled and ruined a family gathering. I think she was more miffed then we didn't pander to her every need and carried on as normal.

These behaviours haven't stopped. They have only gotten worse. Its... bizarre!

Bolograph because its either that or cry at how shit she makes us all feel and tries to humiliate us in front of people. Yes, we have cut contact down. I don't invite her to things. She invites herself!

Still no Facebook update OP? Am surprised...

Does she have some sort of thing about alcohol? From what you say it sounds as if she wouldn't allow it at her wedding either.

Sounds like she has an alcoholic father, from what betty has said - so the no alcohol rule makes a lot more sense if her father or any other over-imbibers are likely to be in attendance.

The rest though...

I haven't read the whole thread so apologise if this has already been suggested, but you totally need to turn up dressed as Maleficent

and now I have read the whole thread I stand by my suggestion to dress up as Maleficent

Yanbu good call on the fb post, any response yet?

I read the OP, snorted in disbelief then went straight to page 15 as it's obviously yet another troll thread. Imagine my joy that page 15 suggests that it really is true batshit crazy genuine! I'm going to settle in for a good read now. Really, there are people in the world like this? And more amazing, enough enablers to keep them going?!

Hope you're ok Betty and that FB etc is quiet for you over the weekend. Hopefully this marks the turning of a corner!

Yes, alcoholic step father but he WONT be there and the rest of the family are social drinkers. She just has this 'thing' about alcohol. Its utterly unreasonable because she is essentially projecting everything bad about her step father on to the rest of us. Her husband has had the full force of her wrath when he dared go out and get drunk once.

InimitableJeeves she allowed it at the wedding. Limited us to 1 glass of the vinegar wine she had purchased for the reception. Wouldn't allow the bar to be opened until 8pm even though they had a 24 hour licence and and we had been there since 5! she Kept telling people 'haven't you had enough?' it was horrendous. The bride and grooms friends left after an hour (speeches were done) and went to the pub! The whole venue was empty by about 9:30 -10pm. First wedding I have been to that it hasn't gone on until 2am!?

darksideofthemooncup I would but she is disney obsessed so....

toastyarmadillo absolutely nothing. Unless everyone was busy with first week of school and this morning is when they catch up. Ah well. Its done.

I will defo have stories of the event to share. I'm not going at all but siblings will tell me how it goes. OH doesn't want me to go either. Even he is bemused at the whole thing. He's never heard of it before. The non religious naming days yes, school age kids no. He is taking us out for the day.

Wow. She has an alcoholic father, chose an almost dry wedding, and all her friends fucked off by 10pm?

I'd be pretty anti-alcohol if my friends had proved it meant more to them than me. On my WEDDING day.

Don't get me wrong, I still think she's batshit.

But have you no sympathy for someone with their wedding winding up 3 hours early because her 'friends' would rather go to the pub for alcohol than be with her?

It's not her with the fucked attitude to alcohol.

Ohfourfoxache thank you. I'm doing OK. Any wrath that comes I have had before just standing my ground now.

Cabrinha I'm wondering if my sister is the real world version of a troll! She does have a big collection of those rainbow haired trolls from the 90's. They were the 90s version of the minions. Maybe they tell her to do it
Sadly, she is a very real pain in the arse.

Cabrinha - I would imagine the bride going round telling everyone off for drinking anything would have had more effect on everyone leaving than the lack of alcohol, tbh.

betty well done on being so direct. I think sometimes that's what's needed. No doubt there will be some backlash. I would imagine that if a lot of people have seen your message and then choose not to go you will be to blame. But you seem to be aware of the backlash.

It's difficult dealing with family when everything's just brushed under the carpet. Dfs brother is like this. We can't upset him. Because dm says it'd be rude. Yet it's ok for him to make us all feel uncomfortable criticise our jobs, belittle women, be a racist and sexist ass etc etc. I've called him on it a couple of times only to be laughed at and told I don't know anything because I'm a little woman (and this is light).
I've told dm I can't deal with it. She says I don't have to be around him. Yet has organised for him to be with us for Christmas so I've told em we won't be seeing them. (he's creepy and Pervy and always makes inappropriate comments about what I'm wearing -tells me I'm sexy etc -dh isn't prepared to put up with it either) dm is upset that I'm rejecting family on Christmas. But I've told her my reasons. And she just can't say no for fear of upsetting him. ok to upset me though... not bitter at all

actually Cabrinha I don't have much sympathy. She drinks herself! She didn't tell anyone it was a dry wedding. She didn't offer any alternatives to drink at all. There was no soda, no water jugs. It wasn't on the invite at all so people would have assumed there would have been somewhere to get a drink etc.

If it had been on the invite that this was an alcohol free wedding and guests were welcome to bring non alcoholic drinks. Fine. But it wasn't.

They didn't leave because of the no drink. It was because It was so painful and dull.

Our family were just sat there. No one was talking to anyone even when we tried. She did a seating plan and our family were all put away from the grooms and the friends except our grandparents.

The DJ really struggled to get anyone to dance and when they did my sister moaned about the music he chose because it was rock and she despises rock yet her husband requested the track!

It wasn't about the drink at the wedding. It was her attitude.

She put sweets on the tables then yelled at me because my DCs ate the sweets. Surely thats what you do with sweets; eat them?

She tried to control everything then opened her gifts and was really rubbing it in to us that an in law had bought something really expensive and our family had only got her what she requested.

My mother was in tears after The wedding because she had put all this effort into making the wedding cake and not a single thank you but the expensive gift? oh she hasn't shut up about that.

Golly, still no response?

If your family is like mine they will all be calling each other to decide who is wrong before venturing a view.

Wouldn't surprise me if the deafening silence on the FB front is because they all agree with Betty but nobody dares say so, hence no calling her on it and no support either.

Ememem84 that's exactly what we get! Sister can say cruel things to us but if we dare say it back 'oh don't upset her'. I'd go to the family thing and wear a FEMINAZI shirt just for him.