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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell her to jog on? naming day

547 replies

bettyberry · 10/09/2015 14:40

Just received an invite to a naming ceremony.

Its a non-religious thing and is mostly people giving speeches and dedications to the children (Part of me is thinking of the scene in sleeping beauty where the fairies bestow gifts on the baby)

There is a dress code, a gift list (no deviating!) and strict instructions not to drink alcohol even though the venue has a bar. Hmm

There will be no food provided for the 'party' just snacks (crisps, nuts etc) or drinks apart from soda.

It is 3 hours long, early evening, right around dinner time.

The children haven't changed names, no blended family, marriage or ensuring DCs have the same surname etc (I'd still be a bit Hmm for these but understand the value of celebrating a 'new' family set up) parents have been together 10+years.

The children are 5 and 8.

To me it all feels a bit grabby (the specific gift list) and that the host (the DCs mother) is feeling a bit put out both her sisters have had babies recently and no one is interested in her spoilt children.

Please tell me I'm not going barmy and this really is just a 'look at me, I'm here! Look at me!' thing.

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Bogeyface · 28/10/2015 21:27

And it works even better if you ask BIL to be best man and the kids to be bridesmaid/pageboy or usher and her.....to attend.

Can I be your planner? please please please please!!!!

Bogeyface · 28/10/2015 21:28

And of course you dont ask them until the actual party, in front of everyone. Why isnt there an evil emoticon?

eternalopt · 28/10/2015 21:47

So happy this thread became active again and came to my attention! Hilarious!

AcrossthePond55 · 29/10/2015 00:22

She always posts updates to her OH about how much she loves him. Often from her business page. Who does that??

I'm beginning to think your sis is our friend's wife! (Not really, no kids for them). She (and he) post some of the smarmiest, gooshiest posts to each other. It's enough to rot your teeth. And considering the true state of the marriage, truly laughable. But it's all about the facade, isn't it? DH often says that the couples that 'goosh' the most on FB are the ones with the most dysfunctional marriages. The rest of us are to busy getting on with our lives together to post sentimental tripe.

Original poster
bettyberry · 29/10/2015 08:16

OH doesn't have any siblings or living family so if we did get married it would just be us. Contentious , yes, but I really don't fancy having my family there at all! I wouldn't tell anyone until I did it and i'd probably fill FB with loads of pics of us on holiday then getting married Thats how rough my family is. I couldn't invite certain relatives without inviting loads. Id like my granddad there but my grandmother is bitter and would complain about everything. my sis would be make snidey comments about how I plan it, the cake etc etc plus I'm not traditional at all! and I'd probably end up knocking out one of my BILs the slimy horrid creature.

Did I mention about the time she threw a hissy fit because our niece was born on her wedding anniversary?

and how she told me I wasn't to have my DC on her birthday? yeah, I'll just cross my legs really fecking tight and tell DC to stay!

She even announced her 2nd pregnancy at xmas and thinking back right now, that was they xmas my BIL proposed to my other sis. The first pregnancy was the day I gave birth to my DC

She tried recently to compare her arthritis she don't half walk around town a lot for someone who has daily, crippling arthritis pain and cant walk to the supermarket but can walk around town buying clothes to the pain of having a miscarriage and apparently had one recently because her herbal tablets prescribed by the Dr interfered with her pill and got her pregnant Hmm This only came up after I was talking with my sis (she had a MC last year) and her anxiety about it because i'd already been through it myself.

Turned out she had been prescribed fish oils and prescription meds and a likely interaction would be zero because the GP would have changed her BC method.

so yeah, we get some crazy arsed lies from her although we can't say to her face 'you are lying' because it makes us look bad. ps she has form for lying about things like this so thats the reason we don't believe it. Its not from some bitchiness but previous bullshit :/

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Original poster
bettyberry · 29/10/2015 08:18

AcrossthePond55 very much so! there's a friend on FB who I know her husband has cheated and she does this all the time.

My other sis and her hubby just call each other idiots on FB :p

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AcrossthePond55 · 29/10/2015 12:27

I don't think calling someone out on lies makes one look bad if done the 'right way'. Dead silence, either Hmm or Confused face, and a small drawn out 'uh-huuuh' with a tiny raised eyebrow, then a little bit more silence, and then say 'Well, anyway…..' and pick up the conversation. One of the reason's that ex-friend's wife hated my guts didn't care for me. Grin

RandomMess · 30/10/2015 13:53

Surely you have to save the news when you & OH marry until she hosts some amazing do all about her and you can make the most of all your family there and project all the photos and so on...

Similarly if you get pregnant, hide it until such an appropriate moment...

I'm an evil bitch

nickelbabe · 01/11/2015 22:16

I think you should invite your grandad on his own if your grandma complains about everything.

You don't have to say in advance where he's going

PiperChapstick · 01/11/2015 22:26

Absolutely nothing wrong with having a naming ceremony, I don't get why people are so sniffy about this? Just like going to a Chrsitening. However the gift list and lack of alcohol would seriously piss me off - who the hell do they think they are!

nickelbabe · 01/11/2015 22:29

Nothing wrong with having a naming ceremony for a baby

The children here are five and eight years old

PiperChapstick · 01/11/2015 22:36

But people have christenings for older children with parties that follow. What's the difference? I don't think not having God mentioned makes it null and void!

These people sound awful though no way I'd be going!

nickelbabe · 01/11/2015 23:53

Christenings are different.
Older children being baptised have usually indicated themselves that they want to follow Jesus.

Naming ceremonies for older children make no sense because they have no actual meaning. Unless of course the child is being renamed (eg a merging family)

goodnightdarthvader1 · 02/11/2015 07:44

Piper, have you read the thread? The woman is appalling!

DisappointedOne · 02/11/2015 10:45

The only time a ceremony (naming or christening) is appropriate for children over the age of 1 is if they have a new baby sibling and parents forgot didn't manage to do it for the older siblings first time round.

Says who?

DisappointedOne · 02/11/2015 10:48

We held DD's naming ceremony (no sand) on her 2nd birthday. It meant she had "grown into" her name and most importantly she got to enjoy it too.

PiperChapstick · 02/11/2015 18:21

I agree good and i wouldn't touch this particular naming ceremony with a barge pole, I'm talking in general terms. Yeah it is a bit of an excuse to have a party but I think any family get together is nice, IMO it's a good an excuse as any Grin I haven't ever had one by the way for my DC I'm far too lazy to organise a thing like that

KitNCaboodle · 03/11/2015 06:02

OMG, batshit crazy sisters run in my family too. One of mine said that her losing her dog was worse than my second trimester loss as her dog was part of the family.
Never forgiven her for that

Homebird8 · 04/11/2015 07:33

Oh KitNCaboodle Shock Sad Angry

What a dreadful thing to say. As one who has been there with a middle trimester loss I don't think I could continue to associate with your sister. Some people just have something missing in the core of them. I am so sorry for your loss. Flowers

Original poster
bettyberry · 05/11/2015 18:30

PiperChapstick you can have a party without the gawd awful pretence! It was never a naming ceremony it was about my sis feeling pushed out.

I'd still feel a bit odd at a naming ceremony for kids older than one year because a naming ceremony is basically introducing your child to the world/family and sharing their name(s) its a bit defunct in the world of FB where everyone shares everything though...

As for the older kids. When religion is involved there's a reason. The christening is to welcome them into the church. A naming ceremony in this respect was just a 'hey! I exist! look at me!'

KitNCaboodle yep mine does that. She compared my sisters loss to rheumatoid arthritis pain and once told me I wasn't trying hard enough when I went through my own miscarriages. She also told me I'd never meet a man wearing superhero PJs and well... I did that too so what does she know Wink

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DisappointedOne · 05/11/2015 19:55

I'd still feel a bit odd at a naming ceremony for kids older than one year because a naming ceremony is basically introducing your child to the world/family and sharing their name(s)

Please forward a copy of this strict rulebook.

nickelbabe · 10/11/2015 14:01

The man was wearing superhero pjs or you were wearing them when you met him? Grin

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