to tell her to jog on? naming day

[bettyberry]

Just received an invite to a naming ceremony.

Its a non-religious thing and is mostly people giving speeches and dedications to the children (Part of me is thinking of the scene in sleeping beauty where the fairies bestow gifts on the baby)

There is a dress code, a gift list (no deviating!) and strict instructions not to drink alcohol even though the venue has a bar.

There will be no food provided for the 'party' just snacks (crisps, nuts etc) or drinks apart from soda.

It is 3 hours long, early evening, right around dinner time.

The children haven't changed names, no blended family, marriage or ensuring DCs have the same surname etc (I'd still be a bit for these but understand the value of celebrating a 'new' family set up) parents have been together 10+years.

The children are 5 and 8.

To me it all feels a bit grabby (the specific gift list) and that the host (the DCs mother) is feeling a bit put out both her sisters have had babies recently and no one is interested in her spoilt children.

Please tell me I'm not going barmy and this really is just a 'look at me, I'm here! Look at me!' thing.

Moln I'm guessing you are joking but I can safely say that wont happen. There was a big hoo har about the names and there has been ever since about how we pronounce them and that things have been said about shorthand names we have used for her DCs. Nothing offensive just the usual shortening of those names everyone does. This is not the DCs name but I'm talking about shortening a name like christopher to chris.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds I really hope so. Her drama is making any and ALL family gatherings impossible to enjoy. I haven't attended many because of it and you know what? its not bloody fair. My DC has nieces and nephews too! We shouldn't be forced to miss out or feel uncomfortable either. Although if we ended up NC I will accept that.

InimitableJeeves no Idea how they plan to be booze free. if it was me and I didn't want booze there I'd have booked a church hall or a scout hut. I suspect some will be bringing their own vodka laced cola. Just like they did at their wedding.

Fatmomma99 no, I haven't been asked. Neither have any other family members. Just her friends have been asked (from what I can gather) which I think is odd considering we (the family) know her kids far better than they do

MissMoo22 don't feel bad! you just worded it so perfectly for me! (I didn't say it was you ;) . I said before I have tried everything and anything. I didn't swear at her in the post (I really wanted to tell her she is being a self indulgent cow and then some) and there was more to it that I didn't share here so it really isn't all as brutal as that. I just wish you knew her like I do then you'd understand just how bad life has gotten. This is 10 years or so in the making and imagining the next 10 years if I let it carry on :(

I'm prepared either way for whatever happens. I cannot take any more of the pandering. Its not doing me any good to pretend and lie all the time. Its not fair on everyone else. Its not fair on her DCs, her husband (although he's not my responsibility) nor is it fair on the wider family.

One other sibling went NC with her a number of years ago so its not just me.

Dammit. I was so so hoping for an update

Bigredball - how rude and sanctimonious of you.

OP I went NC with my supposed big brother and all of his family,himself,his 2 ex wifes,his partner and all of his 6 adult children have caused nothing but problems for my Mum and Dad,my family and pretty much all the rest of the family!

Best thing I ever did,but please don't miss out on family celebrations that you want to attend because of her and her behavior,you'll live to regret it belive me I have.

My Mum and my Dad renewed they're wedding vows for they're 50th wedding anniversary,a massive party,ceremony at the church.Myself,my DH and our children didn't attend because of shitface and just a few years later my beloved Mum passed away.

I saw some of the pictures and my Mum and Dad both looked bloody heartbroken and so did the aunties and uncles.Afterwards they told me that the whole time people just kept asking after us,asking where we were and my Mum spent most of the day and night watching the door expecting us to walk through it.

We didn't go because we knew him and his family would start and I did not want my parents special day to be ruined so we didn't go and still the selfish bastards managed to ruin even that for my parents and everyone else.

there has been ever since about how we pronounce them and that things have been said about shorthand names we have used for her DCs. Nothing offensive just the usual shortening of those names everyone does. This is not the DCs name but I'm talking about shortening a name like christopher to chris.

Ah now a tiny bit of sense seems to be being made. Not much, obviously. But I do think that parents' name choice should be respected and if the parent doesn't like a particular abbreviation of a child's name then family ought to respect that.

If you and your family typically haven't been respecting this, then holding a naming ceremony begins to look like something more on the borders of batshitcrazy/reasonable reaction rather than being so obviously in batshitcrazy territory.

If you and your family typically haven't been respecting this, then holding a naming ceremony begins to look like something more on the borders of batshitcrazy/reasonable reaction

I don't agree. The children are 5 and 8. It's unhinged either way.

Goodness, Op! Your DSis sounds awful.

These sort of relationship really taint the family dynamics and other relationships.

I hope you find a resolution that leaves you as happy as possible.

FishWithABicycle Hold on a sec! we ALL, her included, use the shortened version of all of our names including those of all children and partners. This is the done thing in our family has never been a problem until a few years ago.

Is it reasonable to expect a person not to call your child 'Chris' when you do so yourself?

Sooooo, she uses the shortened forms of her children's names but expects everyone else to use the full formal version?

I can slightly see the point if you have a special family name that you use for your DC that isn't related to their name but means something special to you but not if it is just the generic name that everyone uses.

i.e. DC name is Christopher, and she calls him Nutkins. It would be a bit weird for others to call him Nutkins, but if she uses Chris, then I think that is fair game for everyone.

Ugh my sis does something similar to this!

But having said that, if it was me and my family started using Nutkins it wouldn't bother me until it started bothering the child iyswim? But then I am not bat-shit crazy woman. I think.....

WankerDeAsalWipe yes! I call my DS a Film characters name on occasion. Tbh another sibling also uses it but it really doesn't bother me nor my DS. DS thinks its funny because they look alike.

No, she doesn't have a special nickname for them. Not that we know about anyway. I'm starting to wonder if this ceremony is to announce that they do. Oh I can see it now...

'we want to introduce you to cutiepie snuggleflump'

ohtheholidays I do see the family I want to but it is a great big mess of issues tbh because no one says a thing I see them when I can and on my terms for my own sanity. If only mother did her job and well... acted like a mother it would all sort itself out :(

:o

My DS2 has taken to using the name we used for him as a baby as his own nick name for his email / gaming tag etc. 'tis quite cute and still suits him (though I wouldn't describe a 6 foot hairy teenager as cute to his face). We stopped using it a few years ago though so maybe it's now cool enough since boring old M&D don't use it anymore.

Has there been any reaction on FB of any note OP?

I think the reason that we all get on well is that my Mum never played favourites and also if she did find that someone had done something wrong, she punished the first child she came across for it and they then passed on the punishment - strangely it stopped tittle tattling on each other and stopped her getting stressed about it. :)

I have sons aged 5 and 8. If they were subjected to a naming ceremony where 'dedications' and 'speeches' were made in their honour then they would be completely horrified and soooo embarrassed. I feel very sorry for the children who are going to be put through this.

I hope you don't have to stop contact with any family member other than your half-sister. They can have relationships with you both. Why would they choose her over you? Though I understand families are complex and logic and objectivity don't always win through!

You're spot on wanker ()

I blame my parents for my sister turning out as she has. Tip toeing round her, bailing her out every time she messed up, excusing her too. So frustrating!

No, nothing yet. Which, given the usual crap, is very very odd. I can see tumble weed rolling across my social media page...

MagicalMrsMistoffelees mine too! It is cringe worthy.

ha ha - maybe she has just simply marked you down as a decline and moved on...:o

Be careful, Betty, she's probably been on the phone all morning fake-crying to various family members about how unreasonable and rude you are. Be prepared for backlash.

You'll have your card marked as a parade pisser. Which is actually a fairly decent username.

Well prepared ten I've been through this all before. I do feel so so much better... having been so honest. Having slept on it.

You need to start chanting your mantra -"IWNBU, she is a crazyfecker, IWNBU, she is a crazyfecker, IWNBU........"

WankerDeAsalWipe I might claim that one! I might need a new username.

I'm not sure if she has. She kicked up a hell of a fuss at her wedding because I split from an ex just before it and she had paid for his meal (a buffet) and expected me to still bring him!

I'm wondering if she expects OH to go to this thing too. She knows we have been together for a while but hasn't put him on the invite either. Just mine and the DC's name.

Ha ha - if he does decide to show up, he'd better take his own bag of crisps.

You know as hilarious as all this is, it's also so batshit crazy that you can't make it up. If you ever need a more sensible sister feel free to join my family instead. I have one SIL that occasionally gets a bit up herself but is basically harmless and generally realises afterwards that she was being a bit precious. DHs family is very similar to mine. I do wonder that maybe the lack of some crazy unreasonable awkward family member maybe means that actually it must be me....... :o