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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell her to jog on? naming day

547 replies

bettyberry · 10/09/2015 14:40

Just received an invite to a naming ceremony.

Its a non-religious thing and is mostly people giving speeches and dedications to the children (Part of me is thinking of the scene in sleeping beauty where the fairies bestow gifts on the baby)

There is a dress code, a gift list (no deviating!) and strict instructions not to drink alcohol even though the venue has a bar. Hmm

There will be no food provided for the 'party' just snacks (crisps, nuts etc) or drinks apart from soda.

It is 3 hours long, early evening, right around dinner time.

The children haven't changed names, no blended family, marriage or ensuring DCs have the same surname etc (I'd still be a bit Hmm for these but understand the value of celebrating a 'new' family set up) parents have been together 10+years.

The children are 5 and 8.

To me it all feels a bit grabby (the specific gift list) and that the host (the DCs mother) is feeling a bit put out both her sisters have had babies recently and no one is interested in her spoilt children.

Please tell me I'm not going barmy and this really is just a 'look at me, I'm here! Look at me!' thing.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
wannabestressfree · 10/09/2015 22:06

She reminds me of the sister in 'his & hers' ......

hattyhatter · 10/09/2015 22:21

You wouldn't be the first person to go NC twice Sad

Prioritise your own sanity.

Original poster
bettyberry · 10/09/2015 22:25

BigRedBall I posted ONE status and part of it. MY own status. MY words. I mentioned a handful of emojis were shared. There are details that have been requested I haven't shared. Like the other comments on the post.

I haven't shared her name, nor mine. Nor where we live. Nor the sex of her DCs Nor the details of my extended family. Just the complex nature of what is going on and yes, big parts of it are funny. Most of it is either laugh OR cry because that's how I feel every damn day with this. If I don't laugh at how silly it all is I'll go the other way.

I have tried in the past to sort it out with her to no avail. Repeatedly sort it out. Nothing has worked and this... might just do it. If it doesn't what have I lost? Our relationship was already in tatters through her behaviour because the last time we tried to work this out she manipulated it beyond all recognition. I let that slide for the sake of everyone else and now. I guess I have had it. The public post covers my own arse.

I came her to vent and get support and to know I'm not the one going completely fucking barmy at the whole situation because thats how I have felt for years now. I have felt I am slowly losing it with her sly digs and outrageous behaviour that I am somehow failing as a parent because I don't do any of these, frankly barmy things she does. She has this way of manipulating people, you know, to feel absolutely shite and that she is perfect. It has been going on for years and she took full advantage when I suffered PND to make me feel like a failure because I didn't breastfeed, had an EMCS and then when I had a second bout of depression. She has lied to everyone that my DS doesn't have the health problems he has. Read back how she tried to claim I was bi polar. There has been other things, very personal things too that I haven't said at all that have messed up my relationships with dear family members.

I have needed to laugh at this for my own sanity and for Mn'tters to laugh with me that this is ridiculous that it is not normal. Its how people deal with things. But at the same time they have laughed with me they have offered some decent support and advice on how to deal with and not make me feel like I'm losing it and even told me If I have been too harsh/hard on her. Here it is anonymous, If I could talk to my own friends I would but its just too close to home. This is the next best thing.

OP posts:
WankerDeAsalWipe · 10/09/2015 22:26

Ollie you shouldn't really be sitting on a bench with your spd

tiredvommachine · 10/09/2015 22:27

Bigredball

Biscuit
WankerDeAsalWipe · 10/09/2015 22:31

well said betty you can absolutely tell that you've been driven to this point - you started with a very humorous post and we all joined in with that, but it gradually emerged that it wasn't really so funny as it was tragic - 2 sides of the same coin I think.

Anyway we all hope this comes out the best for all concerned, but I agree with you, based on the info that you have shared,that there was really nothing to lose by taking the action you did.

you know her better than we do so have a better idea of just how strongly you had to lay it on the line.

Original poster
bettyberry · 10/09/2015 22:32

hattyhatter yep. I think I am going there. It has taken a lot longer this time to go NC. DCs for one. Last time I was single and childless.

And it will be more difficult because there are more people involved. Its hard to go NC with some and not others.

OP posts:
Original poster
bettyberry · 10/09/2015 22:36

WankerDeAsalWipe thank you. Yes, I did intend to start this off as humours/WTF and you lot, all of you, Laughed when it was funny and didn't when it got serious. You are not witches. Just human :)

I never intended to get so serious but you know how it is, Right group of people and you get the kind of things you need to hear or read in this case.

OP posts:
flamingnoravera · 10/09/2015 22:37

Bloody hell that's telling her betty, I have a packet of Penguins, a flask and a nice rug now its getting cooler out here on the bench . Not having any siblings of my own I have no idea how it is between sisters, is this normal stuff? Does your mum not tell her to pull her socks up and behave nicely?

Kaekae · 10/09/2015 22:39

I'd be busy that day!

BigRedBall · 10/09/2015 22:40

Nope. I still stand by what I've written. Venting is not the same as posting a real status and promising updates. Its petty and ridiculous. Just grow up.

jorahmormont · 10/09/2015 22:43
Biscuit

If you don't like the thread, Big, no-one's forcing you to read it. No need to resort to petty insults.

Original poster
bettyberry · 10/09/2015 22:44

flamingnoravera I thought sisters shared everything too! Damn Enid Blyton and her stories crushing my dreams of adventures and picnics... I really believed those books growing up! No its not normal. Siblings fight ( I have fought with others) but this particular one is something very special on some of us get it Confused

Mother doesn't want to upset her at all because it all becomes very dramatic.

OP posts:
WankerDeAsalWipe · 10/09/2015 22:52

I think it depends on the family tbh. I am sure mine all had squabbles when we were younger but we all get on well now - we don't see each other too much though so that is probably the key :o

MissMoo22 · 10/09/2015 23:15

OP, I have quite a few sisters so I do understand how it can get to this point. Our Mum also just wants to keep the peace so doesn't pull the bitchiest, lying one up on anything. Even if she did it wouldn't do any good anyway coz the sister is just a sneaky, lying, story twisting toerag who so easily fools people into feeling sorry for her. Just because someone is your sister sadly doesn't mean they are your friend.

I am torn over the fb comment to be honest, I think you are wound up tonight because of this thread and if your family is anything like mine then they will all be thinking ohhh go on Betty, tell her how it is, but then too cowardly to back you up when the shit hits the fan so you might find yourself feeling even worse if it doesn't end well. I understand why you did it though, sometimes I feel like giving it to my sister in front of people but then she would do her usual routine and garner sympathy from everyone and I'd be the bitch. I really hope this ends well for you. Flowers

Oh and I feel a little famous now (and a teeny bit awful) that you used my suggestion of thing 1 and thing 2 in your facebook post Grin

Aeroflotgirl · 10/09/2015 23:45

Yanbu at lol, grabby and vulgar, the children are 8 and 5, not babies. I would be declining this debarcle.

TheBobbinIsWound · 10/09/2015 23:48

FWIW Betty I think your sister deserves a short sharp shock. The "wanking episode" had me both in stitches and gasping. She's clearly unhinged. Do what's best for you.

Fatmomma99 · 10/09/2015 23:57

I came to this thread quite late and got sucked in (after I'd promised myself an early night tonight), and I started off laughing and laughing and had loads of comments to add
"OMG... You HAVE to go to the naming ceremony, and if you don't can I go instead?"
I was going to suggest naming bingo.

I was at the oven making bacon butties for everyone on the bench I hoped to be given room on.

Also,
I have also noticed that in a 3 hour event which is
"mostly people giving speeches and dedications to the children"
the aunt (betty), isn't invited to participate, which I thought was odd

Plus loads more.

But then the thread changed. So now, lovely, brave Betty, I just want to give you Flowers and hugs.

And hope everything works out. X

TheDowagerCuntess · 11/09/2015 01:38

Red - it's entirely anonymous.

Stop reading the thread.

Baconyum · 11/09/2015 02:33

Bigredball if you're not the op's sister I strongly suspect you may be very similar to her.

OP I've had a shite year partly due to a sister very similar and in one way worse than you've said on here (but then you've said this isn't all of it and I believe you)

When people idiots who don't know what its like say I've been wrong to go NC with her (also 2nd time) because she's 'family' my response is well she hasn't treated me like family and she doesn't actually treat anyone well. It's all about her! Well fuck that!!

Flowers and Wine and Cake as sadly I think you'll need it, because as you've implied, your family members will likely be completely cowardly and refuse to back you. But you know what? To hell with them, if they're mug enough to put up with it its their problem!

I totally get why you made your comments public and therefore indisputable. Another delightful trait of my sister's is her skill at lying and manipulation. I suspect yours is the same.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 11/09/2015 03:01

Wouldn't it be nice if this turned out to be the wake up call your sister needed to become a reasonable, self aware, functional adult.

We can always hope, right?

Betty I think you are very brave.

InimitableJeeves · 11/09/2015 03:11

I'd be so tempted to get the kids whoopee cushions or a really noisy drum and trumpet. I'm also fascinated as to how they propose to stop people going to the bar - I suspect the reality is that the crowd round the bar will be 10 deep as that will be the only way any guests will be able to stand it. And the venue will be empty after one hour tops as everyone buggers off to find some food. Actually, if it ends up like that then, provided you can find some like-minded souls to bugger off with, it could all be quite good fun in a car-crash sort of way.

Moln · 11/09/2015 06:28

What's going to happen if the sister comes along and says 'yes I AM changing their names, you guessed it we were fooling you before'

We'll all feel rather silly then won't we? Hmmmmm?

diggerdigsdogs · 11/09/2015 06:54
Chippednailvarnish · 11/09/2015 07:17

We'll all feel rather silly then won't we?
Hmmmmm?

Nah, it will just confirm how batshit crazy the sister is.

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