Barrister claiming sexism after Linked-In message

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AIBU to think she's overreacting somewhat... I'm not sure so I thought I'd check out views on here:

www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/34206080/linkedin-sexism-row-charlotte-proudman-says-lawyer-used-site-like-tinder

She is clearly very attractive, and she has clearly gone to some trouble to post a photo that emphasises that. If a man compliments her for that, albeit rather clumsily, but nonetheless not in any lewd or crude manner, is that sexist or just a man gently flirting in the hope of a positive response?

If something as relatively innocuous as this appears to be is vilified as sexism, what are the boundaries for men flirting in a work-place environment without risking being charged with sexism? I wonder if her response would have been different if she had been single and she happenned to be attracted to the man making those remarks...

I've a feeling this might be controversial....

There's a separate thread about what it's like to be beautiful and it does seem that if you are really good looking you get hit on a lot which is really annoying, and you don't get taken seriously.

It's the Daily Mail's take on the world - that if you're a woman all that really matters is what you look like, whereas Charlotte Proudman is more interested in building her career as a lawyer. It was daft then to post on Twitter and I suspect she regrets it hugely. I bet he will regret all of this more though, now that his deeply creepy comments about his poor daughter have been publicised.

no, its OK because it was on Facebook

she will get more work because of this. she'll certainly be sought out by female clients.

After reading about her and him, I conclude that they are both as bad as each other. A dirty old man met a po-faced attention-seeker.

I'm glad she spoke up publicly, I'm glad people are talking about it. If it even makes one man think before making inappropriate comments to a woman in a work environment then it is worth it or any other environment come to that. I have 2 adult daughters who are both starting out on their working lives both in seriously male dominated fields, one in Building and construction and one in Engineering, The inappropriate comments they get, the casual everyday sexism of not being treated as capable as they are because they are female is a joke. It needs to stop. If women continue to just put up and shut up nothing will change. His comment may have been minor in the greater scheme of things but it is indicative of the culture that allows this to happen, he knows he is being inappropriate but since she's female it doesn't matter and he'll say it anyway.

po-faced yes a woman who takes herself seriously and her work seriously and is not flattering her eyelashes and giggling at creepy remark made towards her is po-faced

She is talking about a serious subject is she meant to giggling acting coy and making jokes while doing so

I'm not going to bother to read all the replies, I'm head first into a response;

I think that Charlotte Proudman needs to take a step back and calm the fuck down!
Alexander Carter-Silk made an innocent remark complimenting a fellow law worker. It was not a lewd, indecent or vulgar remark. It was a compliment!
Are men now not allowed to compliment women any more for fear of being branded sexist and a misogynist?

All Charlotte Proudman has managed to do is to drag both of their reputations through the press and in the public eye. I'd be surprised if it didn't affect both of their future careers in the future.

Good for her ! Very brave to make a public stand.
How many times has this creep made inappropriate remarks to other women, who weren't able, financially or psychologically, to tell him off.
With this action, she has defended past and potential future victims of sexism.

Thousands of men have now been warned not to make sexist remarks on a professional forum. A private rebuke wouldn't have done this, would not even have stopped this particular creep from making similar remarks to other women.

It depresses me how some women will always excuse men for sexism and criticise women who stand up for themselves: po-faced, spoling the fun, not being a good sport, daring to post a photo on Linkedin instead of hiding, the hussy.....

Are women supposed to ignore verbal sexism and just complain about rape ..... oh, but then they would still be blamed - for drinking, going out, dressing attractively, just asking for it.

It's high time men realised when such comments may be appropriate:
e.g. on a dating site, in rl when they know someone and can judge bidy language.
NOT unsolicted remarks on a professional forum, or in a professional meeting.
He's not 12 ffs

Itsmine Ah right. It's ok to objectify members of the other sex on facebook etc but not on LinkedIn. Can see why people get confused with goalposts being adjusted, depending on the agenda.

But its not OK on FB either to do what Carter-Silk did. You know when you get a friend request from a friend of a friend on FB that you barely know, and you add them out of politeness, maybe even intending to limit your post audience not to include "friends" who fall into that category? And next thing you know they are sending you stupid message - "are you single?" "you look really nice in your profile pic", etc..

Some people just think the whole internet is a dating site.

She approached him first...

And since when was there a rule that you must silently put up with annoying men "complimenting" you or, more accurately, hitting on you on social media?

I'm not aware of this rule, or any rule that says you mustn't embarrass them, or call them out in public on it. Nor am I aware of any rule that says any woman who stands up to a man whose attentions are unwelcome somehow "embarrasses" themselves.

Stupid "compliments" from me don't benefit me in any way, they annoy me and make me feel harassed. I don't have low self esteem that needs boosted by random strangers. Maybe if I was a sex worker or worked in some kind of field entertaining men or random strangers then I would find it complimentary, otherwise its utterly irrelevant to me if some random finds me attractive. And particularly when the maker of the comment is so far outwith the realms of anyone you would ever remotely consider dating, even if they had politely introduced themselves to you first.

Thank goodness for women like Charlotte Proudman! Rather than those timid woman who think you have to simper with glee if an old married man compliments you.

As an old fat ugly dinosaur bloke I think that no woman should have to put up with this crap. I could argue about the semantics of the terms used to describe why it's not on, but to any sensible person, it's surely just straight out inappropriate.

I went to a reunion of an old workplace recently. After a while and a few drinks I started to uncover to my genuine (call me a na??ve git - I am) shock, a pattern of all sorts of totally inappropriate behaviour towards my female former colleagues by some of the men I used to work with and who went down massively in my estimation. This had all been going on when we worked in what I thought was a happy and harmonious workplace and I never knew or suspected - and it made me wonder what else was going on there I didn't know about.

It's a shame the only way to stop this crap is for women to make a noise (and themselves unpopular) because it makes me feel highly uncomfortable to think there are folk (men and women) who think it's OK.

I guess one reason I'd rather it was just left out of work is that when I was in my thirties I received a lot (and I mean a lot) of unwelcome and unsolicited comments about my appearance (especially clothes) from female colleagues. I am not for a nanosecond equating that with the level or frequency of shit women have to put up with, but it did make me realise that this stuff (anything to do with appearance) is better left out of work relationships altogether.

She approached him first...

Most professionals, and certainly law professionals know that being added on LinkedIn is not "an approach" but a professional way of linking someone for professional or business purposes. Its not an "approach" in any romantic sense of the word...FGS.

Carter-Silk seems confused. Most of the professional world isn't. He has made an utter faux-pas and shown himself up as being unaware of acceptable behaviour in a professional setting.

Good on her I say.

I will be very grateful if all the sexists who are terribly confused by what is and what isn't appropriate now understand.

Personally, I don't think it was terribly confusing before, but some people just aren't very bright are they. So now they have it for the avoidance of doubt.

I'm not sure if people realise that it was Charlotte who sent him the request to connect (read the BBC link in OP). This man accepted, then wrote: "Charlotte, delighted to connect. This is un-PC but that's a stunning picture. Always interested to understand people's skills and how we might work together."

And he received as an answer, "Offensive and sexist. The erotization of women's physical appearance is a way of exercising power over women. Unacceptable. Misogynistic." and got tweeted to the entire world.

It seems to me that his one fault was to comment on her picture (that it is very good). While not terribly appropriate, I don't think it was such a mortal sin, especially since it was followed not by sleaze but by a sentence about professional skills & collaboration.

Cote I think he knew what he was doing.

He mentioned he shouldn't be doing it all 'unPC' then mentioned her looks then mentioned working together.

Wrong. And he knew it. He just didn't expect to be called on it because men like ACS have been using their positions to letch younger work colleagues/make sexist comments for years without comeuppance. Well no more.

You know exactly what I meant.
Did he deserve the aggressive response she mailed back? I think yes.
Did he deserve to have the private exchange (minus the apology he made to her) splashed across a social media platform that attention seekers use to broadcast selfies and complaints? No. I don't think he did.
Does she deserve to have her Facebook past raked through? Probably not, but if you play the media game you have to accept it may backfire. The media is not known for it's discretion. (There's that word again!)
The media probably aren't done with her. She should have removed his name from her tweet.

On a very narrow and off-topic point of pedantry - from LinkedIn -
You can ask someone to join your professional network by sending them an invitation to connect. If they accept your invitation, they'll become a 1st-degree connection. We recommend only inviting people you know and trust because 1st-degree connections are given access to the primary email address on your account.

Whilst the bloke was sleazy and totally inappropriate - one could argue that the recipient was unwise to try to connect with someone she apparently didn't know.

That is categorically not excusing his reply in any way or in any way suggesting she was asking for it

Cote I read the 'professional skills & collaboration' as a euphemism for hot sex.

Whilst the bloke was sleazy and totally inappropriate - one could argue that the recipient was unwise to try to connect with someone she apparently didn't know

No, he is a solicitor and she is a barrister. Solicitors instruct barristers to give them work because solicitors cannot practise in the higher courts and barristers can. LinkedIn is a way of advertising that a barrister is available for this type of work. Its encouraged by the Law Society and the Bar Council.

The fact that she didn't have him on LinkedIn already suggests he is not a particularly important source of work and her response would also indicate to me he is a bit inferior to her in that mysterious hierarchy in which lawyers operate.

No, he is a solicitor and she is a barrister

Therefore special rules apply that mean it's OK to ignore the advice from LinkedIn?

I accept that this is a narrow point and not strictly on-topic - and I did say it's not an excuse for the response. Whenever you ask to connect there is a reminder. I refuse requests from people I don't know (and I get quite a lot) or at the very least ask for a reason why they think I know them.

I'm interested that everyone is interpreting his remarks about his daughter as an aggravating factor. I came to those later, and it sent me in the opposite direction. I think it's virtually certain he's not sexually attracted to his daughter, therefore it increases the likelihood that his compliments don't have an agenda. (Though on balance I still think his Linked-in one did, and even if not, the fact that it could be interpreted that way by the recipient still makes it inappropriate.)