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AIBU?

To think that calling a baby naughty is wrong?

104 replies

Quietlifenotonyournelly · 10/09/2015 09:25

I know it's NOMYB really but it's been bothering me.
So, baby in question is around 7 months old therefore limited to what it can do, eg can roll over but not crawl, can't talk etc. Parent says that they stopped taking baby to X because he's too naughty!
It wasn't like the parent was joking about it, they meant it by the tone used. I just can't imagine why someone would think that way, it made me

AIBU?

OP posts:

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Quietlifenotonyournelly · 10/09/2015 12:51

I doubt that very much ppeat it she was and still is very selective iykwim

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Trebushay · 10/09/2015 12:56

I rememeber vividly meeting a friend of mine when my first DS was a few weeks old. Her son was a couple of months older and she said to me he is really naughty the way he gets himself into a pickle screaming sometimes we just have to ignore it.

I was a bit but thought well maybe but i dont think so and it still makes me think it was a really odd turn of phrase.

It was May and she had him in 3 layers inside looking back i think he might just have been hot and dehydrated ??

(

ppeatfruit · 10/09/2015 12:56

Have you ever asked her about it? Or are you NC ?

Quietlifenotonyournelly · 10/09/2015 13:03

ppeat A few times. Not NC for sake of DF but feel she made up her mind that I was 'bad' on being born. It is something that dawned on me recently by something she did. That won't make any sense to you but does to me.

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ppeatfruit · 10/09/2015 13:10

Trebushay It's strange isn't it because babies only cry to communicate and to ignore it is wrong.

I often wonder if some cot deaths are due to the baby being 'left to cry' in another room.

bumblebee1234 · 10/09/2015 13:12

Quietlifenotonyournelly maybe you are sensitive because of how you was brought up. Have you thought about talking to someone professional about how you feel. Have you told your mother how you feel?

Jackie0 · 10/09/2015 13:41

My horrible mother used to lock my ds in a room at the far end of the house so that she didn't have to listen to her cry

Jackie0 · 10/09/2015 13:42

She wouldn't have gone so far as to call her naughty to another adult outside of the house though because appearance is everything isn't it ?

bumblebee1234 · 10/09/2015 13:46

Ppeatfruit if I was to not attend to maybe for two minutes he would wind himself up. He would feel hot and sweaty, I don't leave him he's in the next room or he's in front of me and I'm finnishing something off. The one thing I do is talk to him so he knows that I'm there and I am listening to him. Babies do tire me out because I can't just leave him to cry I have to keep him as happy as possible. Although it does help that he has three older sisters. A lot less pressure on me.

tootsietoo · 10/09/2015 13:46

I hate the word naughty for any age of child. It doesn't help to explain to the child exactly what it is they've done that is so antisocial and there is generally a reason for unwanted behaviour, and the word naughty suggests to me pure malice!

Flingmoo · 10/09/2015 13:49

I need to remind myself not to say this to my 15 month old. I keep catching myself saying "no, naughty boy!" when he grabs something he shouldnt have, e.g. trying to grab the TV and pull it off its stand...

It's the way most of my family talk to children and I don't really like it but it just comes out Maybe I need to try and redirect him to his toys straight away rather than calling him a naughty boy first, I wish I could stop saying it because I don't want him to grow up thinking "I'm naughty"... it just feels wrong!

Quietlifenotonyournelly · 10/09/2015 14:23

bumble I do know that I am more sensitive about how certain words are used because of my upbringing. I've never sought professional help as I don't open up well.

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bumblebee1234 · 10/09/2015 14:24

Mamushka don't be to hard on yourself some parents say it as an easy explanation (don't touch naughty). Just try to explain to him why he shouldn't do it and after enough explanations he will get it. Children will always try your faith and see how far they can push boundaries.

Quietlifenotonyournelly · 10/09/2015 14:31

jackieO

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bumblebee1234 · 10/09/2015 14:37

Quitelifenotonyournelly have you thought about talking to a friend someone who you feel you can trust. I don't get on with my mum I have stopped talking to her when my son was born she was really nasty to me. I had an operation because he couldn't come out normally. Then I had to put up with her attitude no congratulations or a card. I haven't spoken to her since she don't deserve my time. How you feel is not your fault she let you down not the other way around.

ppeatfruit · 10/09/2015 14:40

IMO And E it's a mindset. If we can remember that babies are just exploring their world. (they HAVE to do it) it's normal not naughty.

BABIES HAVE NEVER BEEN HERE BEFORE.

If a baby is always stopped from touching things and told it's naughty then it will lack confidence in the world generally and become more clingy.

Obviously we need to watch the baby, and put it in a safe place if we can't. I remember someone saying they slapped a child for running into a road calling it naughty behaviour. That wasn't the child's fault it was the parents' and slapping is not a way to stop it.

Lottapianos · 10/09/2015 14:54

'IMO And E it's a mindset'

Very much agree. Some people see their babies and children as great big problems that need to be managed,and kept as quiet and convenient as possible.

ppeatfruit · 10/09/2015 15:00

Yup Lotta As I said upthread, some people see a 'good' baby as an inert, silent baby.

Gatehouse77 · 10/09/2015 16:49

I met a Norland nanny who picked up a 5 day old baby saying, " I will not have this behaviour as it's just a temper tantrum!".

Put me off Norland; either going there to train or employ.

Lottapianos · 10/09/2015 16:51

God almighty Gatehouse77, please be kidding. Did you actually see this with your own eyes?

ShadowLine · 10/09/2015 16:55

I find it shocking that someone who's supposed to be trained in childcare could class a 5 day old baby's behaviour as a "temper tantrum".

Gatehouse77 · 10/09/2015 19:24

Lottapianos yep, with my own eyes! I saw a few things from this 'nanny' that appalled me - changing the way she spoke to the older child when she heard the parent's car in the drive, for example.

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ppeatfruit · 10/09/2015 21:23

Good grief Gatehouse That is incredible but I believe you. Some people who work with dcs are on power trips. Though how the college didn't pick up on it I don't know. There's so much you can tell from body language.

MatildaTheCat · 10/09/2015 21:41

As a midawife I cannot tell you how many times I heard babies labelled as 'lazy' or 'typical boys' for the sin of having not been born within a certain timeframe.

No doubt they were then 'obstinate ' for being slow to feed and 'difficult' for failing to sleep for sufficient hours at night.

Agree that 'good' babies spend almost all their time asleep or cooing and yet learn to read, speak French and count to 100 by their first birthday.

Gatehouse77 · 10/09/2015 21:43

I've got admit that her acting skills were pretty good.

In my 11 years of nannying I came across only 3 that were awful (many that were useless, IMO!) but was only aware of one after she'd left and the children told the next nanny .

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