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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that calling a baby naughty is wrong?

104 replies

Quietlifenotonyournelly · 10/09/2015 09:25

I know it's NOMYB really but it's been bothering me.
So, baby in question is around 7 months old therefore limited to what it can do, eg can roll over but not crawl, can't talk etc. Parent says that they stopped taking baby to X because he's too naughty!
It wasn't like the parent was joking about it, they meant it by the tone used. I just can't imagine why someone would think that way, it made me Sad

AIBU?

OP posts:
Lottapianos · 10/09/2015 12:10

So what should OP be doing to help bumblebee1234? And she's not gossipping, she's asked for opinions on an anonymous website

The baby is too young to understand the words being used but its the parents' attitude that is so worrying - they're suggesting that the baby is wilfully being difficult, when it should be obvious that 7 month old babies are not capable of winding adults up. OP has repeatedly said that the parents were not joking when they said it

BathshebaDarkstone · 10/09/2015 12:11

I have no idea what a baby that young could possibly do that could be construed as naughty. Confused

TeamBacon · 10/09/2015 12:12

Ha, when DD was in hospital every single one of the nurses referred to the crying babies as naughty babies Confused

Cherryblossomsinspring · 10/09/2015 12:13

Honest question to OP. Do you genuinely believe that baby is being raised in a way overall that will lead to real damage?

Or are you just picking on something that mum said in passing, without maybe thinking it through, that is not amazingly ideal but in the context of a good home and upbringing is actually NOT an indicator that the childs welfare is in danger.

If the former, you are in a difficult situation as SS wouldn't take that seriously without other real issues being flagged. Are there other issues?

If the later, then I think you must be very bored and looking to point the finger about minor incidents of not perfect parenting we all do (and should probably find something better to do).

ppeatfruit · 10/09/2015 12:16

Bathsheba Exactly Grin

Er and I 've never understood the "there's no book to help' attitude, There are many many many books and websites, MN is a briliant example of somewhere to get help

Maybe not help you with your particular baby but yes of course there are books to help.

Original poster
Quietlifenotonyournelly · 10/09/2015 12:19

bath that was my thought exactly.

OP posts:
ppeatfruit · 10/09/2015 12:20

There is a thread atm with posters saying how damaged they still are because they were always the 'naughty' one.

No one is saying that in the context of a loving and understanding home. Occasionally being called naughty will damage a child it's just not really necessary

Original poster
Quietlifenotonyournelly · 10/09/2015 12:22

cherry that's a good question, I don't know but I'm all for finding out more about this person as someone else said, 'they may need help'.

OP posts:
bumblebee1234 · 10/09/2015 12:24

Lottapianos I would help her it could be her first baby and she has post natal depression. Some parents me included can be very hard themselves and think she is doing something wrong. The parent opened up to the op doesn't that say something she is most probably struggling.

I read one post on here I would contact ss, really is that called for.

Cherryblossomsinspring · 10/09/2015 12:26

ppeatfruit, we will never know if they are damaged because they were always the 'naughty' ones (highly unlikely they were just being called naughty for no reason and this alone led to them becoming damaged) or if they were naughty because they were damaged (and were always going to carry that damage into adulthood). They may not know themselves.

Anon136790 · 10/09/2015 12:27

ppeatfruit totally agree and she is only pulled away from danger, emptying the cupboards with the plastic cups etc or exploring is fine!

Anything she shouldn't be touching I am trying to teach with a "no" and move her away..... She also just laughs at that and goes back again for another go Grin

Was just saying I call her naughty knickers when she is up to the usual baby exploring mischief, she is in no way naughty!

Original poster
Quietlifenotonyournelly · 10/09/2015 12:27

Maybe I'm more sensitive to how damaging it can be to call a child naughty as my DM was EA and that was one of her favourite things to make me believe.

OP posts:
RedYellaGreen · 10/09/2015 12:28

If I heard someone say they were avoiding a group because their 7 month old is too naughty, I would read from that they're feeling overwhelmed by the new developmental stage (new found mobility freedom for example).

Don't forget we all know babies are challenging work to different people at different times. Some love baby stage, some infant, some toddler, some preschool, some secondary school. I bet we can all remember a time we didn't like all that much. Maybe she's just entering that?

EachandEveryone · 10/09/2015 12:33

Nurses, doctors, midwives 90% of them saying it when describing a baby that is poorly, crying a lot. I hear it all the time.

NiNoKuni · 10/09/2015 12:34

In our house, insults are terms of affection. I called my 12 week old Sir Fartsalot of Shitonia the other day. You should have seen that nappy!

I would think context is key.

ppeatfruit · 10/09/2015 12:35

Quietlife I often wonder if the EA adult was also EA as a child and didn't think it through before having their own dcs so just continued the same way they were bought up.

ppeatfruit · 10/09/2015 12:40

Cherryblossom On the thread I'm referring to one of the posters said that as a 2 year old she had been normally jealous of the new baby and her mum had called her naughty from then on, so disregarding her natural feelings.

Lottapianos · 10/09/2015 12:40

'Nurses, doctors, midwives 90% of them saying it when describing a baby that is poorly, crying a lot'

I don't doubt this but it's absolutely appalling and highly unprofessional

Original poster
Quietlifenotonyournelly · 10/09/2015 12:42

ppeat in DMs case no, I have looked into this via other family members. I am not an EA adult, I always sort of 'knew' it was wrong to behave in the way she did, once I began to make friends at school etc and am nothing like her with my own DCs.

OP posts:
ppeatfruit · 10/09/2015 12:44

Agree Lottapianps They also smoke quite a lot doesn't make it right does it?

Original poster
Quietlifenotonyournelly · 10/09/2015 12:44

Sorry, that wasn't put well but you get the gist?

OP posts:
Casimir · 10/09/2015 12:45

Labelling a baby as naughty seems to be distancing themselves from the responsibility of raising a child.

ppeatfruit · 10/09/2015 12:47

It's just a lack of understanding in your dms case maybe? Quietlife maybe she was bullied somewhere early in her life.

Congratulations for not continuing the EA btw Flowers Grin

Cherryblossomsinspring · 10/09/2015 12:48

Yes, maybe that is a good point. Using 'naughty' in our house is not an issue. I had a very good happy childhood with excellent parents and never felt unloved or unsupported but I dont think my mum would have paused before saying 'thats naughty, you need to stop it'. It would never have caused me any damage, it was just a description of my behaviour at that time. It is the same with my children. It is used playfully 90% of the time and as a warning 10% of the time so I know they understand the different levels of naughty (hiding my phone under a pillow is a jokey 'thats very naughty you rascal' with a tickle and a cuddle, or 'no, thats naughty' with a serious face for an upended cup of milk).

But in other homes it is an issue, the way it is used. And if an EA child grows into an EA adult, its probably important to flag the seemingly small words and actions that CAN combine to create a negative and damaging environment. To educate parents who want to be good parents but due to their own upbringings don't know what is okay and what is not.

So I guess INU to have a thread that debates this as it might give people pause for thought about how they are using language in the context of their non-verbal cues and their home environment.

PS, I think I called my unborn baby naughty to my 2yr old when we were both laughing about a kick it did...'naughty baby kicking mummy!'. We both giggled about it.

ppeatfruit · 10/09/2015 12:51

Yes to this Labelling a baby as naughty seems to be distancing themselves from the responsibility of raising a child

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