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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that calling a baby naughty is wrong?

104 replies

Quietlifenotonyournelly · 10/09/2015 09:25

I know it's NOMYB really but it's been bothering me.
So, baby in question is around 7 months old therefore limited to what it can do, eg can roll over but not crawl, can't talk etc. Parent says that they stopped taking baby to X because he's too naughty!
It wasn't like the parent was joking about it, they meant it by the tone used. I just can't imagine why someone would think that way, it made me

AIBU?

OP posts:

CigarsofthePharoahs · 10/09/2015 10:15

This reminds me of a parenting "lecture" I was given by a friend of Dh. According to him, all babies are terrible emotional manipulators and that's why they'd started sleep training theirs at four weeks old.
By sleep training he meant just leaving the poor little thing to howl in his cot. I didn't have any of my own at the time, but did think it was a bit

I had a repeat of the lecture recently when he heard my 1 year old is a bit hit and miss with sleep. He got quite affronted when I wouldn't take the advice. Apparently my little boy is very naughty, manipulating me and should be left to holler. And there was me thinking he just wanted a cuddle! He's nearly 18 months and imo just not old enough yet to understand. When I can hold a cogent conversation with him that's more than "Mama! Tiggle tiggle!" I'll perhaps get a little bit firmer with him.
How on earth can a child that young be naughty?

CatThiefKeith · 10/09/2015 10:20

Was it a library? Dsis had to stop taking dniece to bounce and rhyme in the library at a similar age because she developed a passion for ripping up paper. In three months she decimated the plans to my parents house, a set of plans that my df was working on, dsis's passport, her own passport, several bank statements, every newspaper she came into contact with, first edition Enid Blyton books, the paper copy of my driving license, and anything else she could get her hands on!

Not naughty as such, she was still a baby, but a bloody nightmare all the same.

SaucyJack · 10/09/2015 10:24

It's perhaps not the touchy-feeliest way to put it, but I don't see a problem in stopping taking a baby to an group because they don't wish to co-operate with the particular activity or are not behaving in a manner that makes it a worthwhile experience.

It's just words. It's not like they called the kid a fucking gobshite.

ppeatfruit · 10/09/2015 10:25

YADNBU This is a throwback to the 1920s when mums were told not to pick up 'baby' even if she was starving being bf, the routine was one for ffed babies who go longer between feeds.

Some of the mothers used to listen to their babies screaming outside the door with their milk runnning down their clothes because they had been told by 'AN EXPERT'. not to pick the baby up for 4 hours, because it spoilt them.

A lot of weird people believe it. I don't think that small children are 'naughty' either , their brains are still developing FGS.

Binkybix · 10/09/2015 10:31

I think they were probably using the word 'naughty' to mean didn't get on with that activity for whatever reason?

I was pissed off when my step mother informed me that from 3 months (precisely apparently!) DS was yanking my chain when he cried at night and that because I hadn't ignored it was really all my fault that he didn't sleep through.

ShadowLine · 10/09/2015 10:39

YANBU. A baby that age isn't capable of being naughty. They might not be behaving in a way the parents particularly like, but the baby won't be acting out of naughtyness.

And I also got really annoyed by people asking if my DC were "good" babies when they were tiny. I know they meant were they easy or difficult babies to cope with, but using terms like good / bad does wrongly imply that a baby is acting deliberately and with intent if he's e.g. waking up every hour through the night.

Original poster

Quietlifenotonyournelly · 10/09/2015 10:40

Kieth 'passion for ripping paper' made me chuckle as I remember my eldest DS was like this, mainly newspapers in the time before internet , he once found DHs wallet and removed all notes, we found him sat quietly amongst his mega blocks ripping them to shreds.

OP posts:

ppeatfruit · 10/09/2015 10:50

I always thought that a 'good' baby was one that acted dead actually Woe betide a baby who made a noise or woke up.

maybebabybee · 10/09/2015 11:19

.....I agree with you if they are actually punishing him for being 'naughty', however I do think it is over-thinking it to object to people calling small babies 'naughty' or 'good' lightheartedly. They aren't going to know or care, are they. I was a nightmare as a baby by all accounts - screamed 24 hours a day unless I was being a) held or b) fed. My sister was a 'good' baby - happily smiled, didn't cry much, slept through etc etc. My mum did a great job with both of us - she doesn't mean anything when she says to me 'oh you were a PITA as a baby'.

Cherryblossomsinspring · 10/09/2015 11:32

We call our baby stinky. Are they going to gave deep emotional scars? We need to be careful to be pc about our children or they might call childline or turn into delinquents....

I just can't get upset about 'naughty'. Unless the mother said naughty cunt. Now that wouldn't be so great.

Anon136790 · 10/09/2015 11:39

I call my dd (11 months) naughty knickers, when she is emptying cupboards at attacking the tv unit!

All very jokey and she laughs when I say it, but agree a baby can't be naughty!

ppeatfruit · 10/09/2015 11:41

Words have power though , I know that sounds a bit woo, but naughty actually means 'good for nothing'.

Why not say. oh he\she's going through a difficult patch or whatever, babies are not adults. I always think it's a bit 'meh' when 2 yr olds are criticised for being out of control, of course they are THEY'VE ONLY BEEN ON THE EARTH FOR 2 YEARS FGS.

ppeatfruit · 10/09/2015 11:42

Jokey but your 11month old is just discovering the world Anon It's normal.

Witchend · 10/09/2015 11:44

I'm with soup it's a word. They're not shouting at the baby they're using it as an expression to say "my child is causing disruption and possible damaging things at a group they were fine at before they crawled so I'm not taking them until they're old enough to understand not to do it".
I'm sure you understood what was meant by "naughty" in this case so why bother with the long explanation.

For what it's worth dd2 when she was 7 months old was using the word "no" by shaking her head in the correct context. I could ask her if she wanted something and if she didn't she'd say "no". If I tried to continue after she'd said "no" then she'd object strongly.
So at 7 months they can certainly understand the concept of saying "no" to them when they do something they shouldn't.

frankbough · 10/09/2015 11:45

I think she should be reported to SS..

maybebabybee · 10/09/2015 11:46

ppeat you are seriously over thinking it.

CatThiefKeith · 10/09/2015 11:48

Oh God OP, I'd forgotten about the money! DF is a builder, he often gets paid in cash and she once shredded hundreds of pounds - he had to sellotape it all back together and take it to the bank!

Dniece was/is a right little monkey, she sat up at 4 months and walked at 7 months. At 8 months she could climb onto the dining room table. Nothing was safe!

I am fairly sure that we all called her naughty at some point, even at that age.

Fortunately at 8 she is slightly less challenging. She has taken up gymnastics and spends most of her day upside down on her hands.

ppeatfruit · 10/09/2015 11:53

Well if you removed the baby that was doing something dangerous and said NO at the same time then they would understand. But not fully.

I trained as a teacher and did child development, then nannying\CM also Mof 3 so maybe Iam over thinking a bit but IMO it's worth thinking about.

Lottapianos · 10/09/2015 11:54

'Words have power though , I know that sounds a bit woo'

Doesn't sound woo in the slightest, sounds perfectly reasonable. Of course words have power.

Careful of all that overthinking though ppeat, your brains may fall out

maybebabybee · 10/09/2015 11:55

I don't disagree that words have power. I do disagree that calling a five month old 'naughty' lightheartedly is even going to have a vague effect on them. They don't even understand what you are saying. So yes, I think that part of it is overthinking it, sorry.

Cherryblossomsinspring · 10/09/2015 11:57

Just remembered I have a video of my dh tickling my 4mth old and 2 yr old on their backs chanting 'naughty babies, naughty babies' as they laugh hysterically. I must delete it before ss sees it.

SilverHoney · 10/09/2015 11:58

I get from well meaning relatives "tsk is she being naughty" (3 months old) I smile and say aww she's just a baby. Not sure not much longer I can force out the smile though.

I work with children and the impact negative langue can have on a child's perception / confidence is unbelevable. There was a thread on here the other week about negative things teachers had said that stuck with posters into adulthood. People don't realise the power of words!

bumblebee1234 · 10/09/2015 12:03

I think you are being unreasonable because you are not doing nothing to help. The mother might be depressed and the baby is a challenge for her. Is this her first baby. We can all sit here and judge but there is no book out there on how to be a parent. It shocks me when other parents gossip about another parent. They don't won't to help empower the mother, they just want to talk about her. Does that make us better people no it doesn't it makes us worse. All you have to do is show compassion and understanding. Don't tell her what she should be doing show her. If you are truely that concerned.

MagicalMrsMistoffelees · 10/09/2015 12:04

I have three children (8y, 5y, 5mths) and am a primary school teacher currently working in Reception. I don't use 'naughty' to describe any of them because it really can have an impact on how children feel about themselves - and how other children feel about them. I also prefer to be specific when addressing inappropriate behaviour so they know exactly what they've done wrong and why eg please be careful when turning the pages in the book otherwise they might rip and we won't be able to look at them or please don't pull so and so's hair because it hurts and they might not want to play with you any more. It sounds twee written down here but it's hugely effective and chn, (who after all are just learning about how to get along in the world), learn something rather than just get branded 'naughty'.

Of course babies are too young to reason with or explain consequences to but I can guarantee that whatever they are doing is not naughty. They are instinctively using their senses to learn about the world and crying to communicate their needs.

Many people say, 'you're a naughty little monkey!' in a light-hearted, fun way to their children; that's totally different to berating a child angrily and doesn't bother me at all coz they're using naughty to mean 'pickle' rather than 'bad'.

maybebabybee · 10/09/2015 12:05

cherry

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