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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think Christenings aren't about religion and a mostly an excuse for a piss up

101 replies

mileend2bermondsey · 09/09/2015 22:31

Lots of people I know are getting their DC Christened and honestly I don't think one of them truly believes in God/Christianity or even attend schurch. They go on about what church they want to use and who will be the Godparents, AIBU to think they are being hypocrites and just using it as an excuse for a party? 90% of them aren't married so clearly are not interested in that aspect of Christianity. The children won't be raised as active Christians/attend church/study the Bible. So why is this aspect of te religion so important and the rest is give or take?

If you want a party to celebrate a childs birth or whatever that is perfectly understandable. I went to a lovely non-religious naming ceremony that had non-religious versions of Godparents etc. Why pretend to be active in a religion you don't practice? I don't get it?

OP posts:
CookieMonsterIsOnADiet · 09/09/2015 22:37

I don't either, we don't attend any unless the couple practice the religion. It's just an excuse to get gifts basically.

EatShitDerek · 09/09/2015 22:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nabootique · 09/09/2015 22:39

Yanbu. This really annoys me. Ditto church weddings because it looks nicer, etc. I am not religious, but I don't disrespect those that are by faking it for photo opportunities. Agree with everything you've said. What's wrong with naming ceremonies when you don't follow a religion.

notquitehuman · 09/09/2015 22:40

I thought it was just to get into the good schools?

TerryTylerlikesaTiger · 09/09/2015 22:48

A lot of practicing Christians (including ourselves) I know are now having child dedicated and in our case no party afterwards.
Wondering now if Church schools count dedications as they would Christenings?

TheBobbinIsWound · 09/09/2015 22:50

Thing that really boils my piss is when a couple have a christening for DC1 and then don't bother having subsequent DC's christened. What. The. Fuck?

Also christening gift lists? Fuck the fuck off. If I'm a GodP they get a kids bible, something silver and regular invites to join me at church (when there's something cool on or at Christmas etc) if I'm not a g/parent then it's an appropriate gift. Noah's ark toy set, rainbow stacking blocks, early bible stories. It's a religious rite of passage. I treat it as such.
Naming ceremonies? That's a clear cut non religious piss up! If you're not religious then surely that's more appropriate?!

I am a lovely lady. Honest!

sooperdooper · 09/09/2015 22:51

Mostly to get kids into better schools round here Hmm

twoboystwogirls · 09/09/2015 22:52

Speak for yourself
I had a lovely christening into the Catholic Church last Sunday for my baby son. It meant a great deal to my family and my husband's.
So much envy!

OwlinaTree · 09/09/2015 22:55

Don't go if you don't agree with it. I've not gone to a few for this reason.

Original poster
mileend2bermondsey · 09/09/2015 22:58

So much envy!
Envy of what? People pretedning to be active in a religion they don't even practice? Why would I be envious of that? I could do that if I chose to?Confused

OP posts:
KenDoddsDadsDog · 09/09/2015 23:07

Have been to both sorts , am practising Catholic and was just a family occasion for us with a bit of food back home . Catholic schools round here are not the best !

fredfredgeorgejnrjnr · 09/09/2015 23:13

What's wrong with partaking in the practices of a religion you don't believe in simply because you enjoy those parts of it?

Very, very few people believe everything about a religion, not least because any religion with more than a few followers have mutually contradictory beliefs you cannot follow. So embrace the parts you do, ignore the parts you don't, seems a perfectly reasonable approach to me.

They are very unlikely to be simply using it as an excuse for a party, as you note there are naming ceremonies which work perfectly as well for that. There's some deeper reason, and it's probably that these people do feel an affinity for these religious practices (marriage / christening etc.) whilst not actually believing in the religion. Just like many have an affinity for halloween without the religion, bonfire night without the anti-religion, or watching wimbledon without ever picking up a racquet.

SisterNancySinatra · 09/09/2015 23:17

It's when you attend and there's no pissup at end of it , that really boils my piss!

Bunbaker · 09/09/2015 23:20

Although there was wine with the buffet after DD's christening most people had a long drive home so it wasn't a piss up at all. I had to take my sister and cousin to the station so I couldn't have a drink either.

As far as I can recall christenings in my family have never been boozy affairs.

Original poster
mileend2bermondsey · 09/09/2015 23:21

Yeah I meant piss up as in general party. Not actually getting smashed out of your skull.

OP posts:
Mrsfrumble · 09/09/2015 23:23

The church we went to in London hardly ever performed infant baptisms. The vicar was happy to do Thanksgivings, but believed that baptism is a sacrament that should be entered in to willingly and with a full understanding. The adult and teen baptisms were really special and meaningful.

So yes, I agree. My children will be baptized if and when they want to be, but baptizing babies is (IMO) mostly just for show.

Original poster
mileend2bermondsey · 09/09/2015 23:27

What's wrong with partaking in the practices of a religion you don't believe in simply because you enjoy those parts of it?
Because it makes a mockery/light of genuine believers?

these people do feel an affinity for these religious practices (marriage / christening etc.) whilst not actually believing in the religion. Just like many have an affinity for halloween without the religion
Is that a convoluted way of saying, they justify their non belief of the religion they are having a ceremony to celebrate because its a popular thing to do?

OP posts:
BackforGood · 09/09/2015 23:35

The things you talk about in your OP sound like they fit the AIBU in your title, but your title seems to suggest that no-one has their child Christened to genuinely thank God for that child, and to make a promise to teach them to love God and to bring them up in that religion. If that is what you are saying, then YABU.

Nabootique · 09/09/2015 23:35

To me Fred it's not just about picking a part of a religion that you like. A christening is about committing a child to the path of that religion, and really I agree with Mrsfrumble that it is a decision to be made when a child can understand and make the choice themselves, although I understand why religious families would do it at a young age if the religion is integral to the family. It's the showboating and insincerity that annoys me. I'm very rarely opinionated, believe it or not!

KanyeWestPresidentForLife · 09/09/2015 23:36

Not really no. I'm religious but I can understand people wanting to carry on a tradition, and really it's historically a part of our culture and a lot of people don't want to let go of that.

Besides, I've always found 'naming ceremonies' the most joyless occasions.

Original poster
mileend2bermondsey · 09/09/2015 23:41

Back
That's definately not what I'm saying. Just that the vast majority of Christenings I've witnessed fall into the category of 'I don't believe in this religion but I want some nice pics in a church'

historically a part of our culture
It's historically part of our culture as we were historically a heavily religious Christian country. We no longer are - to that degree - so I don't understand why would people want to continue the traditions of a religion they don't believe in?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 10/09/2015 00:09

I do think it's a bit rich when atheists are forced to partake in religion because it's 'part of the culture' www.secularism.org.uk/collective-worship.html but not allowed to use the pretty building and the nice ceremonies when they want. State schools shouldn't select based on religion; then no one would have to pretend to get into them.

I'm good with complete separation of Church and State but as long as that doesn't exist in the UK, why can't atheists avail themselves of the bits they actually like?

TheCatsMother99 · 10/09/2015 00:16

YANBU.

Someone I know had their child christened a few weeks ago, when they first said about it I said something like 'oh, I didn't realise you went to church' in a light-hearted way... they then admitted they were doing it just for the party. I know people do only do it for the party, I'm not completely silly, but I couldn't believe how brazen he was about it.

I just couldn't imagine pretending to believe in god, lying to and stringing a vicar along & inlisting godparents to ensure the child grows up in the eyes of god knowing I don't actually believe it all and it's effectively a lie. I'm not religious but I think it makes a bit of a mockery of a religion when you do something like that.

Tootsiepops · 10/09/2015 01:42

People who are not particularly religious get married in churches. Why object specifically to christenings? Surely if it bothered whatever church you belonged to, the priest / vicar / reverend / whatever wouldn't allow it?

Idk - to me, it's just coming across as a bit sneery that others aren't as pious as you.

cocobean2805 · 10/09/2015 02:06

My DM is a vicar. She frequently gets enquiries about christenings "we want it on this day at this time because we've already booked the room and the photographer, see you then!" then they get offended/annoyed when they're told "no, it doesn't quite work like that!"

Parents of these children then usually turn up again when the child is 3/4 wanting papers signed for church school, and again, are offended when told no.

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