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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think Christenings aren't about religion and a mostly an excuse for a piss up

101 replies

mileend2bermondsey · 09/09/2015 22:31

Lots of people I know are getting their DC Christened and honestly I don't think one of them truly believes in God/Christianity or even attend schurch. They go on about what church they want to use and who will be the Godparents, AIBU to think they are being hypocrites and just using it as an excuse for a party? 90% of them aren't married so clearly are not interested in that aspect of Christianity. The children won't be raised as active Christians/attend church/study the Bible. So why is this aspect of te religion so important and the rest is give or take?

If you want a party to celebrate a childs birth or whatever that is perfectly understandable. I went to a lovely non-religious naming ceremony that had non-religious versions of Godparents etc. Why pretend to be active in a religion you don't practice? I don't get it?

OP posts:

KaraokeQueenOfTheNorth · 10/09/2015 08:03

I am a Christian so my children's dedication services were very important to me, I celebrated with my church family afterwards (didn't invite anyone who wouldn't already have been there as it was in a church service) and had a wonderful celebration introducing my children into their church family.

Some people christen their babies for a party. So? Babies are brilliant and a gift and should totally be celebrated. I love it when a new a family bring their baby to be blessed by God! We may never see them again, they may not believe any of it, but that doesn't alter God's existence (or lack of). Personally, because I believe, I rejoice when a family SL's God to bless their baby, because I know He will whether they believe it or not.

I can understand if you are not a believer to not understand why anyone would bother - I wouldn't have a Muslim or Jewish ceremony because I am not Muslim or Jewish, so I can understand why atheists would find it odd if other atheists had a religious service, particularly because there are secular ceremonies you can have.

But personally I always think it is a good thing to ask God to bless a baby :-)

Notoedike · 10/09/2015 08:05

In my experience Christenings are about increasing your chances of getting into your desired school....and a big piss up.

NicoleWatterson · 10/09/2015 08:07

I went to dh's friends sons christening a few years back and couldn't believe the 'how long is this going to take, we've got beers to drink' attitude. There was a lot of giggling and moaning about it all. I was really shocked (I don't get out much!) at how openly they viewed it as an excuse to get drunk. I really wondered why they'd bothered going

NapoleonsNose · 10/09/2015 08:10

I tackled a friend on this a few years ago when we were invited to their DD's christening. I'd never known either of the parents set foot in a church of their own free will so I was very surprised that they were having a christening. Their answer was also the standard 'excuse for a party' and to be fair it was a good one, but even so. Neither of mine are christened because we are not hypocrites.

Catsize · 10/09/2015 08:22

Setting foot in a church does not make you Christian and vice versa.

I have a garage and I have a car. The car is never in the garage (far too much junk). But it is still a car.

randomsabreuse · 10/09/2015 08:30

Definitely a religious decision for us - one of the godparents is the priest who married us... and our primary criterion for choosing the gps in general was that they had to be practising Christians (of varying shades).

Scheduling will be a nightmare, 3 on call rotas to juggle between gps and DP plus can't clash with rugby world cup!

OTheHugeManatee · 10/09/2015 09:04

Most religion isn't really about religion, except for a devout minority. For most it's more about belonging and shared values.

AlphabetStew · 10/09/2015 09:16

The more parents sign their kids up to religions in order to get them into religious schools the more funding those schools get. The more finding the schools get, the better they become. The better they become the more parents want to send their children there.

So these schools now have long waiting lists and can be more exclusive and choose to accept only children who are signed up to the religion. So more and more parents feel they have to sign their kid up to a religion in order to get them into a good school, which is a good school because they get the funding because they can claim "look at all the members of our religion in this country. Our school needs funding for this high amount of children that are part of our religion".

But this number is artificially inflated by the amount of children signed up just to get into the schools. So there are really much, much fewer members of the religion than is claimed.

TL;DR Signing your children up for a religion that you're not actually actively a part of hurts the children of all other religions and atheist/agnostic children.

Mistigri · 10/09/2015 09:36

Of course they are not about religion - look at the gap between the number of christenings and the number of regular church goers.

Most UK "Christians" only practice their religion when a school place or a party is on offer.

MajesticWhine · 10/09/2015 09:54

I agree with what fredfredgeorgejnrjnr said. I am a non-believer, and I had all my children baptised. I don't feel bad about it or find it abhorrent. I have affinity for Christianity and so it is a practice that I feel comfortable with. It pleased DH, who is Christian in a vague sense and the grandparents also appreciated it. I think no harm can come from it. If family and friends get together and pray to a probably-non-existent God and essentially all sit and think nice thoughts for a few minutes, and then we have a few drinks, and the church gets ??100 then what's the harm in it?

Bumbledumb · 10/09/2015 09:56

Most UK "Christians" only practice their religion when a school place or a party is on offer.

If Christian churches here in the UK were only open to devout believers, most of them would have to shut down for lack of interest.

If the all powerful God, creator of the Universe, who supposedly drowned all but 8 of the inhabitants of the planet in a fit of pique, is offended by non-believers having a party in his name, let him do something about it.

TheDowagerCuntess · 10/09/2015 10:00

I don't live in Britain, but did live in England for over a decade - my perspective:

Religion rules the roost when it comes to schooling/education. There is NO getting away from this.

This means that everyone has to sign up for one religion or another. No matter how much you might disagree with it. Unless you want to home-school, you HAVE to align with a religion. Which is utterly ludicrous.

This being the case - how can you possibly be surprised that non-religios are having their DC Christened...?

Mistigri · 10/09/2015 10:09

bumbledumb actually I have no problem with people getting their kids christened for pragmatic reasons (whether it's for a piss up or a school place).

People who acquire religion as school applications loom are only acting rationally. I don't agree with using religious allegiance as a method of allocating school places, but that's how it works in the UK, and you can't blame parents for not wanting their children to be disadvantaged by the lack of a baptism certificate.

Lj8893 · 10/09/2015 10:12

Yanbu. I'm constantly asked why I haven't had dd christened or when her christening will be. Neither dh or I are religious so obviously we aren't christening dd.

If, when she's older, she decides she wishes to be christened then we shall respect her wish.

Notoedike · 10/09/2015 10:15

My father was horrified when I told him we wouldn't be Christening the kids, he only goes to Church when he is obligated to do so, just like me but I was the first in my family to refuse and I came under a lot of pressure. My mum is more religious and she made a Christening Shawl for my sister - she just assumed she would be getting her kids Christened, so to appease my mum, my sister had a fake Christening and took pics for my mum to show the relatives, it was a very funny solution.

Original poster

mileend2bermondsey · 10/09/2015 10:17

Unless you want to home-school, you HAVE to align with a religion

This is just simply not true and a pretty ludicrous statement. However I do agree with your sentiment. It is extremely difficult to find secular primary schools. There needs to be a complete separation of religion and schooling.

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ghostyslovesheep · 10/09/2015 10:36

as a humanist I have managed to get all three of my un baptised children into schools

I didn't baptise my 3 because I don't believe in God. My none church going MIL had a shit fit over it because she wanted a new hat and a chance to parade around being Granny. My Christian church going mum totally understood and supported our decision

I do roll my eyes at the huge fuss people make of Christenings when I am fairly sure they don't believe BUT as some one else has said, as a Christian, my mum loves Baptism because it's a lovely celebration of birth, creation and family in her eyes

bgottalent · 10/09/2015 10:39

People can be believers but not go to church you know. It's not compulsory.

TheDowagerCuntess · 10/09/2015 10:42

How can it be a 'ludicrous statement', and yet you agree with the sentiment?

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 10/09/2015 10:56

I think it depends on cultural remnants - I know a lot of people who a non-practising Christians (Catholics specifically) but who see christening their children as a safety net, just in case it all turns out to be true, their souls are saved.

Plus, there have traditionally been a lot of people who consider themselves cultural Christians and will still attend for the major celebrations - christenings, weddings, funerals - even if their belief is wavering. Is it wrong that they get meaning and reassurance from doing so even if they're not 100% committed to the faith?

Original poster

mileend2bermondsey · 10/09/2015 11:01

How can it be a 'ludicrous statement', and yet you agree with the sentiment

Errr because you don't have to align your self with a religion or be homeschooled if openly atheist. That's quite clearly just not true.
But I do agree with the essence of what I believed you were saying which is there is too much of a connection between church and school in the UK

OP posts:

EmberElftree · 10/09/2015 11:08

A lot of our friends and family got married in churches and have had their children christened. My and DBro were both christened but neither of us married in a church. We never went to church growing up and none of us DM, DD nor DBro and family have not set foot in a church since my youngest nephew's christening. Nor have our friends who've married in a church been to one since their own weddings. I am anticipating the wrath of my mother when I tell her we won't be christening our baby due in 3 weeks. Neither DH or I like our families are religious or ever go to church so it seems weird to us to have a christening and lie to them saying we will go to church when we won't. I'd like to have the lunch/dinner party to celebrate our baby which our non-religious friends and family have all had after the church bit, not a piss up as such but a nice meal somewhere don't see why it has to be religious when it's not, I think it's just a case of it's the done thing.

Elledouble · 10/09/2015 11:10

My partner and I are ex-Christians and both of our families are mostly practicing Christians. We refused to get our son baptised, or to have an atheist naming ceremony because to us, it was meaningless.

My parents said it was a shame to miss out on a party, so we just had a party! It was a quick way for everyone to meet the baby, and I was actually really surprised that people - who had mostly already sent presents! - brought gifts. I really don't understand why people go through a ritual they don't believe in if all they want is a knees up.

TheDowagerCuntess · 10/09/2015 11:16

But you do have to align yourself with a religion, when you send your DC to school.

You have to select which religion you find least problematic, and than accept that your DC will be involved in aspects of that religion while at school.

Original poster

mileend2bermondsey · 10/09/2015 11:30

No you don't. If you send them to a secular school.

OP posts:

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