To expect my teenagers to make dinner sometimes?

[Spidermama]

DH is working away at the moment. He works away a lot. It's the best way he's found of earning enough money.
I work at 5am until 12 with no break. After work today I took in and hung out a wash, walked the dog, went to Currys to buy alarm clocks for everyone (since DS managed to sleep through his phone alarm and be late for school), take DS to his routine hospital appointment, take him to the chemist to pick up a prescription, cook a veggie dinner for DD and me, peel and boil potatoes and carrots for the boys ... and then I made the mistake of asking DS, who's 15, to put the chicken in the oven to roast, and then to dish it up when it was done.

He went mental. He said I'm a shit parent and it's my responsibility to make dinner every night. He said no-one else's parents make them cook dinner ever. I want to know if he's right. My sister and I used to cook most nights of the week.

AIBU to expect the teenagers too cook a bit of dinner now and again? How unusual is that?

Thanks for the response goblinhat; I honestly wasn't 'having a go', just interested!

I feel quite strongly about 'life skills' being as important as other education, and personally think children should be taught about running a home, managing finances & basic maintenance (changing a plug, checking oil/water/tyres in a car etc). Both at school and at home.

Rages me for example that people claim 'it's cheaper to eat unhealthily' as it's just not true IF people are given the skills & knowledge to do otherwise.

You teach children and teenagers life skills as you go along. There's a mismatch between them knowing how and applying that knowledge in the teenage years though. As they spread their wings there's an increase in asking for help. My eldest has finished his first year at uni and about to start the second. Last year in halls was a massive learning curve and he acknowledges now much of what has been done for him. Next year is in a shared house and I suspect will be a steeper learning curve involving skiddy bogs, dirty baths, utility bills and the dawning realisation of why closing windows is important.

October - first of all they haven't been brought up on a constant round of pizza/fish finger/chicken dippers etc so they're well aware of what's healthy. No doubt when first at university they'll eat crap but without my influence their tastes at school for lunch often extend to salads and healthier options. They'll find their way. They might ask for some tips in the future or be more amenable to learning a few recipes. They both love fruit and veg too so I'm not worried about them learning to cook or budgeting either.

I don't like the set chore/routine lifestyle. Hated it growing up so never wanted to do it with them. They help willingly when asked but they're really busy so I cook dinner as often they're not even back from school when I start it.

I cook dinner as often they're not even back from school when I start it

I think that's a factor in the decisions we all take. Many (most?) teens are home before their parents get in from work.
At least one of my teens will be going out somewhere after tea - scouts, swimming, work, football, etc., so we need someone to crack on with the cooking and it makes sense for that yo be the first one in, or we won't have eaten before they need to go out.

Has he been taught to cook? My husband is in his 50's, can cook some stuff but if handed a chicken to roast he wouldn't have a clue.

I am at home all day- my teenagers have extra curricular activities most days of the week.
It makes no sense for them to cook.
I enjoy having them come home to nice home cooking.

Thing is though Murfles, you say When my children were 15/16 I never expected them to cook dinner. They had far too much study to be getting on with but then say We all muck in to cook/set the table/ put washings on/ exercise dogs/muck horses. Well, most of our teens don't have 'muck horses' on their daily routine, so can possibly spare time to practice a life skill. I suspect my dc can be studying whilst yours are exercising the dogs and mucking out the horses.

I think you misread my post. I said WHEN my children were 15/16. My children are all at Uni now and aged 20-24. As I said, when they were 15/16 they had far too much study and homework to do. Are you actually saying my children never practiced a life skill as I didn't expect them to cook? Ps they mucked the horses at the weekend when aged 15/16. I did it during the week as they were studying. Is that ok for you?

back

Clearly you didn't read my post. You must have missed this part:-

We have a whiteboard in the kitchen that I write up what's for dinner the following night. I have a DH, 4 adult DC and various GF/BF coming and going most nights. If they don't put their initial (and the initial of their BF/GF) then they fend for themselves. We eat at 7, that way it gives everyone time to get in from work and Uni. We all muck in to cook/set the table/ put washings on/ exercise dogs/muck horses and have done so from they were all 18/19.

I hope that clarifies matter for you

Read the bloody full post next time before you get on your high horse

My mum who worked full time also did a degree 1 night a week and I cooked tea for me dad and brother on a wednesday from age 12 or 13 for several years. We had a proper tea can remember chopping carrots.

Did me good, can cook well now. Will do same with DD as she gets older. She is 9 and trying to let her make more things herself.

Certainly would expect everyone to pitch in and help.

Those of you whose teens cook can I ask what they cook , honestly if I didn't impose a balanced meal I am not sure the younger two would ever eat green vegetables and they certainly wouldn't be thinking of the nutritional content only about whether it would fill them up .They all eat quite healthily but left to their own devices I am not sure .The oldest can cook , pasta , bean casserole , sausages , pasta etc but isn't interested and would much prefer to eat what I've cooked .

The youngest (13) will bake with me and they would all cook as a special thing , but if it were regularly it would be stodgy and pasta and jacket potatoes ??

Would add I also fall into the category of it being easier to do it myself than get them too .Incidently I also arrived at university barely able to boil an egg , I just taught myself and within a year was having dinner parties ( it was the eighties ) it s not rocket science , I have tried to teach my boys but they would rather read a book and eat sandwiches

hilda- learning to cook is easy.

I left home unable to cook, my mother was a crap cook- a tin of spam and Smash potatoes.

I wasn't at all difficult to learn, and that was before the internet.
All these crucial life skills like washing clothes and taking out the bin- well it's hardly rocket science.

I don't usually ask my children to cook tea and certainly wouldn't expect them to spend a lot of time cooking on a school night.. However, putting a chicken or anything else in the oven to cook and taking it out when it is ready is hardly difficult or time consuming. Your son was really unreasonable and nasty to you.

I feel quite strongly about 'life skills' being as important as other education, and personally think children should be taught about running a home, managing finances & basic maintenance (changing a plug, checking oil/water/tyres in a car etc). Both at school and at home.*

Apart from changing a plug and washing clothes, I didn't learn any of that before leaving home. It didn't take long to learn. As others have said, it's not exactly rocket science.

I was never on a high horse Murfles and I did read the full post.

I do get the hump on MN when people say "I wouldn't let my dc do anything around the house as they need that time to study", as it implies that those of us who do encourage their dc to chip in are somehow depriving them of study hours. This might not have been your intent at all - but it does come up a lot on here, hence my reaction. Sorry that it offended you, that was not intentional. I was pointing out that all of our dc have different things that take up their time - someone (not sure if it was upthread somewhere or on a different thread I've read today) was saying their dcs didn't get in from school until 6 o'clock. That's 2 hours later than my dcs, so, if I were them, then I'd not doubt think differently about the amount I expect them to do. My dc go to bed around 6 or 7 hours after getting in from school - they do NOT do even a fraction of that amount as homework / study, hence, IMO, my dc have time to chip in to the running of the house in a small way. I've no idea if your dc practised other life skills - how would I know? . I know if dc do cook a meal, then they are practising a useful skill for life, but I've obviously no idea what else your dc may, or may not be doing with their time (or were at 15/16)

Hilda - my dc cook everything that I cook now, including a 'roast dinner' type meal. When they first started, the youngest used to stick to things she could put on a baking tray and into the over, but could still do some sweetcorn and peas to go with it. Now, they decide what to make, but when they were younger, it was a bit more 'planned', so they knew that we'd have broccolli say, when having chicken and pasta, or whatever.

I don't think it's the skill of cooking per se (although I do think that is a useful thing to be able to do) so much as the whole time management / understanding that we all chip in / contribute what we can that's important. It's also not just about when they go off to University. We were all very glad that all my dc could chip in a little bit when I was diagnosed with cancer a few years ago... it helped dh, and the whole family dynamic out considerably.

Thing is though Murfles, you say When my children were 15/16 I never expected them to cook dinner. They had far too much study to be getting on with but then say We all muck in to cook/set the table/ put washings on/ exercise dogs/muck horses. Well, most of our teens don't have 'muck horses' on their daily routine, so can possibly spare time to practice a life skill. I suspect my dc can be studying whilst yours are exercising the dogs and mucking out the horses

back you quoted two completely separate parts of my post. Please see above. Here is the full post I made:-

When my children were 15/16 I never expected them to cook dinner. They had far too much study to be getting on with. Generally DH and I cooked then the teens tidied away afterwards. It was awful your DS called you a shit parent though and I wouldn't have tolerated any of mine speaking to me like that. That's just disrespectful. I wonder what the response would have been if you'd ever called him a shit son?

We have a whiteboard in the kitchen that I write up what's for dinner the following night. I have a DH, 4 adult DC and various GF/BF coming and going most nights. If they don't put their initial (and the initial of their BF/GF) then they fend for themselves. We eat at 7, that way it gives everyone time to get in from work and Uni. We all muck in to cook/set the table/ put washings on/ exercise dogs/muck horses and have done so from they were all 18/19.

My full post above clearly states WHEN they wee 15/16. You CHOSE to ignore other relevant parts of my post.

Your post also stated "Well, most of our teens don't have 'muck horses' on their daily routine, so can possibly spare time to practice a life skill".

The above part of your post I find rude tbh. Don't back track on what you posted. as it was goady. Anyone reading my post would have clearly understood it. You were obviously attempting to incite an argument. I'm now wondering what you mean by "our teens"? I actually see no other posts on this thread referring to "our teens"

eh?

You are letting your imagination run wild now.
I was not intending to be goady.
I have already apologised that it was written in such a way that it upset you and explained it wasn't intended to.
If you can't accept that - that's your problem.