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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I think IABU

45 replies

Justcurious15 · 08/09/2015 19:22

I gave birth to a beautiful boy last Wednesday my first and what will be my only child.

My other halfs mum didn't even speak to me once in the whole 9 months I was pregnant and only came around to see him on Thursday because OHs younger sibling wanted to see him she stayed for about 20mins.

I've had no card, no text, no phone call from her yet my mums work colleagues have sent cards, gifts and rang me!

AIBU to be upset that she hasn't made any effort at all? I don't want to say anything to OH because I don't want to cause a drama.

OP posts:
JiltedJohnsJulie · 08/09/2015 19:24

No, YANBU. Is there a reason that she didn't speak to you during your pg?

RumbleMum · 08/09/2015 19:28

Congratulations on your baby! Grin

IME it's pretty unusual for a grandparent-to-be not to be interested/involved/excited about a pregnancy unless there's a big back story. So first reaction is YANBU - you'd expect her to acknowledge a new grandchild rather more than this.

How did she react when she came to see you? What's your/OH's relationship like with her?

Original poster
Justcurious15 · 08/09/2015 19:37

Thank you!

No reason at all, we've always had a good relationship (as far as I was aware anyway) my OH is her pride and joy they have a lovely relationship.

I'm really confused by it, I can't think of anything I've done to upset her and if I had I'd expect her to pull me up over it she does with everyone else!

When she came over she seemed very fake in her happiness I can't explain it but it seemed .. Off!

OP posts:
IloveGTA5 · 08/09/2015 19:42

If you are confused by her behaviour, why don't you ask for clarification?

pictish · 08/09/2015 19:42

Maybe she's not a baby person? Could that be it? Seems odd otherwise.

TenForward82 · 08/09/2015 19:46

You haven't asked at all, during the whole 9 months, why she's not talking to you? How old are you and DP?

JiltedJohnsJulie · 08/09/2015 19:47

If it's any consolation, my MIL just kept saying I was fat when I was pg and then didn't bother to come to see us for over a week. She lives nearby,

She just doesn't seem to be into babies. She is brilliant now they are children and does loads for us.

It's early days yet so just enjoy your time with your newborn. If she does keep her distance, it's her that will be missing out.

DoJo · 08/09/2015 19:49

Hasn't your partner noticed? Has he not mentioned it to you? It's pretty weird that it hasn't come up over the last 9 months, so I'm surprised that you are close enough to have a baby with someone, but haven't mentioned it to him - I wouldn't consider that causing drama so much as asking a reasonable question!
Congratulations by the way - I'm pleased for you!

Itsmine · 08/09/2015 19:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MerryMarigold · 08/09/2015 19:53

Yes, I can't imagine how 9 months of not talking went unnoticed by your oh.

Doublebubblebubble · 08/09/2015 19:53

my OH is her pride and joy they have a lovely relationship.

Sounds like she might just be a little over attached to your dp. As soon as you became pregnant that was her little boy gone. That's what I would take from that kind of behaviour - given that you haven't had a bad relationship before this.

tableanadchairs · 08/09/2015 19:56

Sounds like she is jealous of your new DS Congratulations Flowers
Maybe she sees this new arrival and you as a threat to her relationship with her darling DS. You and the baby are not going to disappear, she is down in the pecking order of his affections.

StackladysMorphicResonator · 08/09/2015 19:57

She sounds very odd! Although I do know someone whose MIL did this - they'd had to use donor sperm due to male infertility and after several months it transpired that her MIL was furious she had "had another man's child". Shock

There are plenty of bonkers grandparents out there, be thankful your lovely DC won't be exposed to her.

Crazypetlady · 08/09/2015 20:21

Not being unreasonable my mil saw our son the day he came out of hospital, she turned up at our house before we even arrived bearing in mind I hadn't been there for four days and the dog needed introducing to the baby and us telling her to come later. She hasn't come to see him since he is now 3 months old .She does live far away but she has been on plenty of holidays and had time off so it's no excuse, she never asks about him either . If she doesn't put effort in I wouldn't bother op I have stopped inviting her now.

OneDay103 · 08/09/2015 20:30

It doesn't add up, why haven't you questioned it before the baby was born. how do you think you have a good relationship but never asked her or brought it up before?

Original poster
Justcurious15 · 08/09/2015 21:05

Me and OH have been together 8 years I'm 25 he is 26. My mum thinks it is because he is her PFB and she feels like she will get her nose pushed about by the baby, He has said to me it's weird that his mum hasn't made much of an effort but he doesn't want to upset her and ask why.

My mum thinks I'm best leaving it and she will come to terms with it sooner or later. Is it normal for mums to feel like this when their own 'child' has a baby? My mum never did with my brothers.

OP posts:
Original poster
Justcurious15 · 08/09/2015 21:06

Thanks for the congratulations btw Flowers

OP posts:
IloveGTA5 · 08/09/2015 21:10

Do you always just do what your mum tells you to do? Why don't you ask your mother in law what's up? And last question . . . why do you say your son will be your one and ONLY child?

onthematleavecountdown · 08/09/2015 21:11

If she is jealous she nees to get over it. It's ridixulous behaviour for a grown woman. You need to have a talk about this, ignoring it for the past 9 months hasn't solved the issue so deal with it now before the kid notices.

Original poster
Justcurious15 · 08/09/2015 21:13

I've just sent her a text asking her to come around for lunch tomorrow, hopefully she will say yes!

GTA5 I have lynches syndrome so having a hysterectomy.

OP posts:
IloveGTA5 · 08/09/2015 21:17

I thought lynch syndrome affected the colon?confused face
Good that you've invited her round for lunch. Hope it goes well.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 08/09/2015 21:18

IloveGTA5 why was that any of your business? Doesn't seem relevant to OP's question.

OP might MIL say you haven't talked to her either for 9 months? Seems very weird. Did she talk when she came over?

3littlebadgers · 08/09/2015 21:18

Congratulations on the baby Flowers any chance she could have lossed a baby that you don't know about? It would explain why she finds pregnancy and newborns difficult.

Original poster
Justcurious15 · 08/09/2015 21:20

It doesn't just affect the colon.

I sent her scans whenever I had them and tried to make and effort but got nothing back, I didn't really bring it up during the pregnancy because I had abit of a rough one and didn't want to cause myself anymore stress.

OP posts:
Original poster
Justcurious15 · 08/09/2015 21:20

3little I hadn't thought about that actually, now I feel quite bad I hope that's not the case!

OP posts:
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