Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I think IABU

45 replies

Justcurious15 · 08/09/2015 19:22

I gave birth to a beautiful boy last Wednesday my first and what will be my only child.

My other halfs mum didn't even speak to me once in the whole 9 months I was pregnant and only came around to see him on Thursday because OHs younger sibling wanted to see him she stayed for about 20mins.

I've had no card, no text, no phone call from her yet my mums work colleagues have sent cards, gifts and rang me!

AIBU to be upset that she hasn't made any effort at all? I don't want to say anything to OH because I don't want to cause a drama.

OP posts:
bananafish · 08/09/2015 21:25

Justcurious15 - that sounds really tricky. Lunch is a nice gesture, but you can only offer; the rest is really up to her! Hopefully, she'll stop being weird and come round.

And you really are under no obligation to answer any intrusive questions about your medical condition...

Many congratulations on your new arrival Flowers

3littlebadgers · 08/09/2015 21:26

Don't feel bad, you are naturally upset that she can't enjoy this precious new life you and her son have brought into the world. Was you relationship good before the pregnancy? Maybe a gentle word asking if she is ok, mentioning to get how important she is might help her to open up. Good luck

IloveGTA5 · 08/09/2015 21:27

IloveGTA5 why was that any of your business? Doesn't seem relevant to OP's question.
Seriously? Some people can react quite strongly to fear, the fear that someone might lose a baby, the fear that a baby might be born with an illness . . . .they distance themselves and don't want to get too close, for fear of being hurt.

AcrossthePond55 · 08/09/2015 21:29

I'd speak to her and ask her. Maybe 'You don't seem to be very excited about the baby. Is it something you'd like to talk about or something you think I should know?

Maybe she thinks she too 'young' to be a 'granny'. Maybe as a MiL she's afraid of being 'pushy' (God knows there are enough of those threads on MN!) and is taking things to the other extreme. Maybe she thinks you and OH weren't ready to have a baby. If you aren't married, maybe she disapproves? There are so many reasons and you'll never know until you ask!

Morganly · 08/09/2015 21:31

I think you should leave her alone and let your partner sort it out with her if he wants to. Your son has obviously got a loving and involved grandmother from your side of the family so, although it is strange, it doesn't really matter that much to you and your son. It's for your partner and his mum to sort out between them and then be as warm and welcoming as you obviously are if it looks like she wants to get more involved in the future.

MerryMarigold · 10/09/2015 11:57

Did she reply about lunch?

Original poster
Justcurious15 · 10/09/2015 12:21

Ugh! She came around and her reasoning was 'I never wanted OH to have a baby and tie him down, when will I see him?' I explained that she will always be his mother and he will always have time for her but it seemed to go over her head.

I've come to the conclusion she doesn't really want to share his affections!

OP posts:
McPie · 10/09/2015 13:04

Wow I really have no words that can express how your update made me feel. I am just glad your child has your mother as a grandparent Flowers

pictish · 10/09/2015 13:06

Ooh gosh really? Confused
I'm surprised she actually said that out loud.
Okaaaaay.

MerryMarigold · 10/09/2015 13:10

Yes, a very strange thing to actually voice.

leedy · 10/09/2015 13:58

Whoah.

Chippednailvarnish · 10/09/2015 14:01

You need to get your DP on board about her behaviour asap. She's going to be a pita.

Original poster
Justcurious15 · 10/09/2015 14:07

I told him about it and he said he's disgusted with her behaviour and is going to have a word with her.

I'm in shock I expected her to say I was being daft!

OP posts:
m0therofdragons · 10/09/2015 14:15

I guess at least she was honest - nuts but honest. My mil was very odd when I was pg and basically she had to have a hysterectomy in her early 30s but always wanted baby number 3 and for it to be a girl - she had 2 boys. So she was jealous of my pg and then the fact dd was a girl. To rub salt into the wound I've now got 3dds but I can't help that.

Foffyouwanker · 10/09/2015 14:17

What a rude bitch! I would be telling her if she cannot be civil, she's no longer welcome in your home!! She's the one who will miss out! Really though, your oh should be telling her to grow up!

AlphabetStew · 10/09/2015 14:24

I guess at least you have your answer now OP and can rest assured that you've done nothing wrong.

Enjoy your lovely baby Flowers

AcrossthePond55 · 10/09/2015 16:15

My goodness! At least she was honest, I expect that your questioning her caught her off guard before she could think of something more 'acceptable' to say!

Well, I guess forewarned is forearmed. I probably would tell my DH to just let it go. Him having it out with her won't accomplish anything. She'll probably tell him that either you misunderstood her or that she said no such thing. I think you can expect her to try and undermine you with your DH at some point in order to stay #1 with him. This situation could be the perfect opening for her to try and drive a wedge between the two of you.

I guess you can just be glad you aren't going to have one of those baby-interfering MiLs that so many MNers complain about.

blueballoon79 · 10/09/2015 16:52

My ex-MIL was exactly the same about mine and my ex's daughter. She and ex-FIL booked a 3 month trip away around DD's due date and didn't meet her until she was nearly 3 months old. When she did meet her she just spent the whole time complaining that she didn't think DD liked her.

It was for the same reason too. She felt I'd taken her darling son away from her. We've separated now, he left me when DD was only 10 months old and ran back to his mummmy as he couldn't cope with being a father.

Squishyeyeballs · 10/09/2015 21:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wellthisisarubbishstart · 10/09/2015 21:21

At least she's told you what the problem is. Maybe the situation might improve if your dh gave her some reassurance that he won't abandon her completeky now he has a baby. I guess it's possible that she has seen this happen to people in the past and this has made her anxious.

Of course, she may just be slightly nuts and desperate to be your dh's number one priority despite your ds, in which case a different approach might be in order.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread