to be fucking beyond furious with my ten year old daughter

[ovaryhill]

Had a call from fraud prevention at my bank today
Daughter has been playing Movistar Planet and has taken my bank acard nd spent £266 over the past couple of months!!!
I'm so upset I could cry

Also the idea that a 10 year old should be exactly as culpable as an adult in terms of wrongdoing is terrifying, IMO.

I imagine her belongings add up a lot more than £266 and yes, I think she should sell things until she has raised the full amount.

I can say that if that was my son I would make him go through his toys and belongings and sell enough to cover the full amount. But then again I don't have £266 to just write off.

I don't care if people think this is cruel or abuse It wouldn't do him any harm and would teach him a valuable lesson.

It's not tangible though, she didn't go to her mother's handbag and steal the cash. It's just not the same even if the outcome is that the Op is down a couple of hundred pounds. The girl has been thoughtless, a bit bullied by friends and not had an ally in her brother. I feel sorry for her.

I don't agree with such an antiquated approach to the minimum age of responsibility in this country anyway, so it's a non argument to me.

Ceyes03, you banged on about children having no right of redress earlier - how is that not authoritarian?

Anyway, I've got to leave this thread now and pick up my 'darling ducks.

Why is it less of a crime because she stole from her mother? Why should the punishment be any different?

Because her mum is partly to blame for this happening. Yes, she really should have known what her dd was doing on line all that time (her being 10 and all). - Exactly right.

Also the idea that a 10 year old should be exactly as culpable as an adult in terms of wrongdoing is terrifying, IMO. - completely agree with this too.

If you were an adult and you had a debt to repay that you could not possibly repay upfront, you would have a number of options and processes available to you (eg take on a IVA etc etc) to have a realistic chance of the money getting back to the creditor.

Baliffs charging round to the house and stripping it bare of your possessions to sell is very much a last resort action.

Seems unthinkable to use such a last resort equivalent on your own child.

This thread is just going round in circles

As long your little snowflakes don't make my kids' lives a living hell because they've been taught they can get away with murder (not literally, calm down liberals), then we have no problem.

As someone else pointed out, OP has delivered her slap on the wrist punishment so it's done and we're all just arguing with each other.

"Baliffs charging round to the house and stripping it bare of your possessions to sell is very much a last resort action."

Well exactly. And even then the bailiffs are hardly going to look for the things you like the most to make sure you really feel the punishment.

Goldenbear - It's not tangible though, she didn't go to her mother's handbag and steal the cash. It's just not the same even if the outcome is that the Op is down a couple of hundred pounds. The girl has been thoughtless, a bit bullied by friends and not had an ally in her brother. I feel sorry for her.

Oh wow, you feel sorry for her? and her brother should have been her ally?

So far on this thread her mother is to blame, her friends are to blame, the game makers are to blame, apple are to blame. Now her brother is also to blame, he should have kept his mouth shut.

She is to blame. This 10 year old girl committed a crime. She did it. She is to blame. No matter what parenting you would do if it was your child you can not deny that she is to blame. 100%. She knew what she was doing therefore you can't push the blame onto anyone else. She took the card and used it.

But lets forget about all that and feel sorry for the poor innocent girl.

"As long your little snowflakes don't make my kids' lives a living hell because they've been taught they can get away with murder (not literally, calm down liberals), then we have no problem."

So the OP's child is going to make other children's lives a "living hell" because she hasn't been punished enough? She's "getting away with it" because ... she's not hysterical enough? there are worse things the OP could have done to her? the OP hasn't actually called the police? Riiiiiiight.

I wasn't subjected to draconian punishment as a child and of course I went on to steal, murder, rob, terrorize, and lie with impunity because OH NO WAIT A MINUTE I AM A LAW-ABIDING MIDDLE CLASS IT PROFESSIONAL.

Ceyes03, you banged on about children having no right of redress earlier - how is that not authoritarian?

I did not say that at all, Goldenbear. I said parents should have no right of redress to claim back their money from the company at which it is spent if they allow their children unsupervised access to games with in-app purchases.

See? No reading or comprehension skills, yet again. Please, if you're going to quote my own arguments back at me, do try to do it correctly. You're making yourself look extremely foolish, which I suspect you are.

I presume everyone who's being all "she committed a crime!" "she's just as culpable as an adult!" "she's criminally responsible!" are totally down with states in the US that execute minors? I mean, hey, they committed serious crimes, they may only be 12 but they deserve their punishment, right?

Jeez, this is still going on. In the time since I lasted posted Ive been away and had a manicure, a pedicure, and massage. Its a much nicer way to spend the time than arguing with nameless faces on the internet.

ceyes Goldenbear totally misquoted me earlier too. Apparently the words Thieving and Evil are interchangeable these days.
No reply from them when I called them out on it either.

So far on this thread her mother is to blame, her friends are to blame, the game makers are to blame, apple are to blame. Now her brother is also to blame, he should have kept his mouth shut

You missed one, fish; someone upthread wondered if perhaps she might have been bored. BORED!!!!

Actually, I tell a lie, they haven't actually executed a 12 year old in some time but some states were executing teenagers until 2005.

She needs to be punished, for her own good - making a big deal of this now will teach her that stealing is absolutely unacceptable under any circumstances whatsoever. If she did this when she is 20, not 10, the law would not say 'oh poor thing perhaps she was being bullied, circumstances, peer pressure etc etc' - it's career-ruining criminal record for dishonesty, and quite possibly a jail sentence. She needs to learn to take full responsibility for her actions and not be given any opportunity to blame it on anyone else. Regardless of her age, she knew what she was doing was wrong.

It's actually good that it's happened now, OP, rather than when she is an adult. This way she has the opportunity to learn without the consequences being to harsh. Yes, having your toys sold seems like the end of the world when you're 10 but she'll be glad of it later.

When I was a child I stole small change from a neighbour's house when my mum took me and my brother over to play. My mum found it and went mental: she marched me back to the neighbour's, made me confess and apologies, and return the money. I then had all pocket money suspended for three months. At the time I was devastated; but now I think my parents were completely right.

I don't think anyone on this thread is suggesting that the child didn't do anything wrong, so can we put that particular strawman back in its box?

And by the way - for the benefit of the legal pedants on here: yes, theft is a crime, and at ten she could be held criminally responsible in the UK.

But seriously, people.

kissingFish

I imagine it most certainly be something he wouldn't forget you are perfectly right, unfortunately he probably wouldn't forgive you either.

My little snowflakes are very nice balanced adults and teens thanks raised by parents who disciplined and guided them without resorting to totally ott verging on cruel punishments.

There's tons of research out there that show harsh parenting raises problem adults.

imagine if she did this when she was 20

What a ridiculous statement. She's bloody 10. A child. Can't you actually see the difference?

And then the intra-thread alliances start with people with similar views forming a little 'side' and unpleasant bantering and badmouthing of others on the 'other side'.

I think that's pretty much ticked all the boxes now of all the different ways that threads go bad.

Fortunately OP has more sense and seems to have left the building.

Sorry, in my last post that should say that Hellocampers misquoted me, not Goldenbear.

Hellocampers , parenting my child isn't something I expect them to forgive me for in the future so that's ok.

I'm sure there's tons of research to show that harsh parenting doesn't raise problem adults too, and tons of research to show that crap soft parenting raises problem adults as well.
You can find research to show anything. Doesn't mean that it means anything.

My friends ten year old did this. £80s worth. He lost his pocket money and had to do jobs to pay it back.

I haven't left the building oven, I am at work and will update properly when I get home
I have read all replies though