To be fed up of pretentious product names?

[ThomasRichard]

I wanted bag of crisps from a vending machine - 30 second job. I had to read an absolute essay on one packet just to find out which flavour it was: 'chicken soups saves the day'

I just want crisps/paint/pudding/ with labels that tell me what they are rather than leaving it to my imagination.

'Elephant fart' is not a colour.
'Chicken soup saves the day' is not a flavour.
'Gu-zillionaire' is not a dessert.

Am I just a grump?

We had "homemade" chowder in a Californian restaurant. It had a packet soup taste and, worst still, lumps of chowder powder. I loathe packet soup. When I challenged the waiter about it, he said they could call it that quite legally because it was 'made' on site. They took it off the bill, but it had completely harshed my dining out mellow and made me mistrustful of US restaurants, so barely fitting recompense.

I guess hand-dived scallops are fished more sustainably than dredging type fisheries, so it may sway someone who abstains on environmental grounds, but I agree it tells you nothing about flavour.

I was perusing toilets on the internet and they all have such pretentious names like 'the balmoral' or 'the chatsworth' or 'the Burlington'. Why not bring them up to date with names like 'dump station 4.0' or 'assmaster 2000'?

you've all forgotten foraged "hand foraged wild mushrooms"

AND

a duo of anything.
" A duo of line caught, organic cod and hand-selected, dirt-grown hand-picked, hand sliced, hand fried, organic artisan potato sticks"

And 'home made' when eating out. Did you make it at home? Did your chefs and kitchen staff make a load of things at home then bring them into the restaurant to serve up? No, it was made in the restaurant wasn't it.
so has your home had the health and safety inspecters round to give it a star rating... "well what is it?

mistrustful of US restaurants,
the US doesn't appear to have any labelling requirements 100% juice in big writing on the front (added sugar in the ingredients list)

I guess hand-dived scallops are fished more sustainably than dredging type fisheries, so it may sway someone who abstains on environmental grounds, but I agree it tells you nothing about flavour.
like i will only eat free range chicken (poor chickens) so it isn't about flavour but moral choices.

What's going on with the punctuation on that lush bottle?! They have completely ruined the interrobang (see correct usage in this post). I do love Snow Fairy though, so I forgive them.

I hate street food. It's a kebab van FFS.

Coincidently, came across this crisp range today.

'Hickory Got BBQ'd'

FFS.

maid every time I read that I start singing Baby Got Back in my head

Saw a good one today.....washing powder with 'fragrance technology'. Think it was Surf. Wankers.

Don't start me on fragrances! Hope. What the fuck does Hope smell of? I'm depressed, it's ok this candle is full of hope have a whiff. Ridiculous. Or soap powder that smells of a paradise island. Really? Smells like coconut to me.

Old 'un but good 'un.

What the fuck does Hope smell of?

I've often wondered what stones are supposed to smell of.

Bold Infusions range contains smells that include diamonds and rubies. WTAF?

Everyone here thinks ad-wank is, well, wank. So who's is actually for?

I'm a slovenly man so don't shave - but if I did I'd use the very latest Gillette ProGlideLubeUltra thingy as it shaves off every hair. Obviously the one before didn't. I also prefer toothpaste flogged by dentists who surrender any professional ethics for cash or is it the one flogged by squeakyveryfastspeaking actresses? Too many choices! I do know I always prefer the car that makes everyone in it weirdly hyperactive - it's 'fun' apparently.

Is there anyone here brave enough to admit to working in ads/branding/marketing who can explain how it's supposed to work. Is it a world so full of wank, you dream up more wank for wankers who love it though the actual public think it's wank?