To be fed up of pretentious product names?

[ThomasRichard]

I wanted bag of crisps from a vending machine - 30 second job. I had to read an absolute essay on one packet just to find out which flavour it was: 'chicken soups saves the day'

I just want crisps/paint/pudding/ with labels that tell me what they are rather than leaving it to my imagination.

'Elephant fart' is not a colour.
'Chicken soup saves the day' is not a flavour.
'Gu-zillionaire' is not a dessert.

Am I just a grump?

I also hate those Herbal Essences ads where the woman is seemingly having an orgasm whilst shampooing her hair.

I remember, as a 10 year old kid, travelling on the school coach on the way back from a trip to the swimming pool...my bottle of Herbal Essences shampoo dropped out of my bag, so my decided to pick it up and scream "Oh, Herbaaal Essences....yes, yes, YEEEEEES!!!!" In front of the whole bloody bus. I nearly died of embarrassment

my friend* decided to pick it up

Not really pretentious - but the crisp company should really rename these...

Yes, it was M&S who started the decline.

"This isn't just bollocks. It's a huge steaming pile of complete and utter bollocks, crafted from the finest British bullshit, wanked over by the wankiest spin-doctors and topped up with an inflated price-tag to create the most convincing illusion of quality".

I worked in advertising for years. You're onto us. Shit.

Yes I meant bespoke used incorrectly such as bespoke socks or calling a burger bespoke because you have the option to take the gherkins out.

Since 'luxury' was rendered meaningless by relentless over-use in Betterware and Innovations catalogues ("This luxury hernia truss is made from the softest polyester and latex and will not aggravate your bedsores") I think 'bespoke' is now used to imply something is extra-special and exclusive, even if it was in fact manufactured by indentured serfs in China and retails for £4.99 +P&P.

Massive arf at 'wanky veg'. I love those Tyrrells veg crisps but they are indeed wanky.

I can now report that 'How chicken soup saved the day' flavour crisps are vegan :o

Has anyone ever seen 'HAND CUT SANDWICHES' advertised? Like that's a really special, noteworthy thing. And a few years ago every van everywhere had _ Solutions on the side. I saw a Sandwich Solutions one.
I think the pretentious over described nonsense is a bit out of place in a society where a large swathe of the population can't manage basic grammar and spelling, as seen on every comment thread on Facebook.
'Oh em gee I literally just seen you're pulled rural slug carpaccio, I should of ordered that basically instead of the hand whisked chorrithththoh.'

Has anyone ever seen 'HAND CUT SANDWICHES' advertised? Like that's a really special,

Yes, along with HAND CUT CHIPS.

Phew, let's give thanks that our potato was cut by a hand instead of a machine before it was fried.

I just had a luxury bagel. Just tasted like a bagel. A processed bagel at that.

This is for the PP who said about the pink lush shower gel - pretty close with the description but I love the "how to use"!!
I hasten to add I have only just started this bottle I got last Christmas, don't want you all thinking I only shower once a month

"This isn't just bollocks. It's a huge steaming pile of complete and utter bollocks, crafted from the finest British bullshit, wanked over by the wankiest spin-doctors and topped up with an inflated price-tag to create the most convincing illusion of quality"

Ha ha ha!

I am loving this thread. It's not just products though - home cooking has also been taken over by the wanky language.

As an example I'm a bit peaky so am currently drinking a cup of (probably artisan, certainly home-made hand-made and organic) "bone broth" so loved by some "wellness" bloggers. So that'll be chicken stock.

wouldn't it more likely be mixed meats, as it would be chicken broth or beef broth otherwise?

It's fucking soup. I just make soup. Or pie. Or basically just food.

You can blame Pinterest for that, rather than New Labour.

Like salads in jars. WTF is with salads in jars? Shove it in a tupperware like a normal person. Knobend

"Deconstructed Farmer's Salad" - A fucking Ploughmans.

So much gimmicky shit. For example ambi-pur. It's PURE. WITH AN E.

a poncy m&s bollocks sandwich
I assume you mean hand crafted testicles

'Sourced ' . I cannot believe that no one has used that bloody word yet . As in ' the pretentious wankhouse restaurant chef prides himself on sourcing on the finest local seasonal produce '

Or to be accurate , rings up the local Bookers cash and carry to see what's in bulk stock .

I like to truly feel empathy for my furniture when reclining gracefully sat on my arse

I hate food with 'sensation' in its name. I think there's a bread, Seed Sensations? Sensations is for shampoos and tge like, not food. Really bothers me!

And 'home made' when eating out. Did you make it at home? Did your chefs and kitchen staff make a load of things at home then bring them into the restaurant to serve up? No, it was made in the restaurant wasn't it.

Oh, the "home made" thing really pisses me off. Well said, jobrum

Why would you want something home made anyway if you've come out to eat? if I wanted home-made I'd stay at home and cook it myself. I always laugh when I see "hand-dived scallops" on a menu - why would that make any difference to the taste?