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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to leave my 8 yo in the playground for 25 mins before school?

122 replies

FishFace99 · 07/09/2015 00:16

DD (3) starts nursery school on Tuesday. Its a 10 minute walk from DD (8) school and nursery school starts 20 mins before school. I can't work out the logistics of drop offs. 3 yo has some issues which mean she may take a while to drop off so if I keep 8 yo with me then she's likely tobe late for school. The other options I have are either to drop DD first which means she's alone in the playground for 25/30 mins or to let her walk from the nursery school alone if it looks like her sister will take a while to settle. It's a safe routewith only one road which has a lollipop lady. What would you do?

OP posts:

Charley50 · 07/09/2015 10:58

Are you working? If not, then I'd take the 8 year old to school first. Pre-school isn't rigid with start times I imagine.
My DS started being on his own in the playground for half an hour before school when he was 9 I think. He mainly played football, and he liked being so early. There was a playground attendant there. He could have gone to breakfast club but he preferred to be in the playground. He actually asked to do this.
I think the walk can be done by some more mature 8 year olds and not others, and also depends on the area/walk/cars. I think if you choose the option you've suggested, your older DD has to be completely happy with it. (Plus you do need to wait until there is an adult in the playground).

PavlovaPalaver · 07/09/2015 11:01

If you DD is happy with it, then I think the option for her to walk from nursery to school is the best one. Leaving her in the playground for 30 minutes before school starts is maybe a bit long as there will probably not be many others there.

I do a similar thing with my DS and he is 7. The nursery is very close to the school and on a safe route and he arrives in the playground about 20 minutes before school starts. He has been doing this for a whole year now so since he was 6.

There are no rules at our school on what age it is suitable to arrive unaccompanied by an adult. Many children walk alone or together from a fairly young age.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 07/09/2015 11:33

What does DD (8) think about it?

What are the school rules about dropping off before the teacher is in the playground? What is the role of the teacher? (we have the deputy head outside but she's there to stop parents parking in the SN drop off zone, not to specifically watch the children)

Our DD would love the independence but would hate the reality, she hates being on her own so it would only work for her if she arrived closer to the bell going when more people are about. This will never happen for her though as there are 3 busy roads to cross, only two with crossing patrols (no other crossing points) and one crossing patrol is really unreliable.

KittyandTeal · 07/09/2015 11:38

We don't run a breakfast club but for some children we allow them to be dropped early and they do colouring in the office until school starts. Examples of this are single parents who start work at 9 etc.

Have a chat with the head and ask if there's anything they could do. Hopefully it won't be for too long once your 3yo settles a bit more at nursery.

MissFitt68 · 07/09/2015 20:12

As soon as the school catch on you are leaving her in the playground they will put a stop to it. It's in our newsletter about leaving DC unaccompanied in the playground

ghostspirit · 07/09/2015 20:42

op are there school staff in play ground when you drop your 8 year old of?

vdbfamily · 07/09/2015 21:15

My kids have walked to school from year 3 (KS2) aged 7. School are fine with that and encourage it. Nonsense to suggest that an 8 year old doing a 10minute walk with a lollipop lady on the road crossing is a safeguarding issue. No wonder kids today are so dependent.

Pippioddstocking · 07/09/2015 21:22

It looks like a very split view on here. I personally wouldn't do it . Also just pointing out ( and I do work with children involving safeguarding issues ) if something was to happen to your 8 yr old and they were unattended like that , there would be a Safeguarding issue raised . Not my opinion but fact .

HSMMaCM · 07/09/2015 21:30

I have cared for children with special needs and after the first couple of settling in sessions, drop and run should be good. If necessary, start the 3 yr old late. Depends on the set up at the school for the older child. Our school had a teacher ready to supervise children from 8:30, because there was no parking for parents.

mummytime · 07/09/2015 21:43

I would talk to the school, and if they can't help then ask a parent to help (advertise if necessary).

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 07/09/2015 21:48

Yes missfit68, in your school. But in mine, and many others' on this thread it is perfectly accepted - even encouraged, and the op (even though she's probably gone, having been directly been accused of being neglectful ) has said that there is staff supervision in her schools playground from 25 min before the bell.

Hairyfairy01 · 07/09/2015 21:51

How far is it to walk from the nursery to dd school? Most 8 year olds walk themselves to school around here so as long as it's not to far I can't see a problem with that? I think you need to factor in what you would do if the weather was really bad over the winter though.

Girlfriend36 · 07/09/2015 21:53

I personally would not be happy to let an 8yo do this but am fine with being a bit precious! At my dds school some kids her age (8-9yo) are walking themselves to school but I would be too anxious about what if something happened en route.

I was 11yo before I walked to school and back by myself (secondary age) dd will be the same.

I would drop the 3yo and then take your dd to school, a good nursery would handle an upset 3yo at drop off without too much stress.

Original poster

FishFace99 · 07/09/2015 22:06

The school say to encourage independence by letting children travel to school alone as soon as safely possible. DD is happy to wait alone or walk alone; she'd love the independence and is very sensible. Others get to school early so DD would have others to play with.

It's a nursery school with actual teachers and set session times so being over half an hour late (as I would be if I waited until older DD went into school) is not an option.

I trust DD but I would hate not knowing if she went in safely. Theres no one else walking from the direction of the nursery school so that's not an option.

OP posts:

Girlfriend36 · 07/09/2015 22:19

I think you need to try taking the younger dd first and then walking the 8yo to school. If it were me I would make that work!

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 07/09/2015 22:28

So can you take dd(8) to school, wait for the teaching staff to be in the playground (25 min before bell?) then nip off at speed to nursery? Then you know she's safely in school grounds, as you say other kids (and staff) about, and at most, you'll be 5 minutes late for nursery, possibly not if you manage to speed up the journey?

amarmai · 07/09/2015 23:35

since the nursery starts 20 mins earlier , why is there a problem with a 10 min walk after nursery drop off? 20-10=10. You'll be at the 2nd school with 10 mins to spare. Even if you did not have this timeline, i'd never leave a child that age unattended.

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat · 08/09/2015 00:29

Because dd(3) has additional needs which means that drop off may not be quite as straightforward as some. Meaning dd(8) could end up being regularly late. If the op drops off when there is staff supervision (ie dd(8) won't be unattended) in the primary school (ie 5 minutes before nursery start time), dd(3) will only be 5 min late, which with additional needs at drop off probably won't make much difference, or could even make things slightly easier.

Inertia · 08/09/2015 00:33

But you don't need to send 8yo off on her own!

As Armarmai explains above, you can spend 10 minutes settling 3yo and still be in time to walk to school with 8yo. To be frank though, in my experience nursery teachers (including qualified teachers in nursery schools, as in your situation) don't actually want parents hanging about, they would prefer to settle the children themselves without dozens of people milling about. Have you already spoken to the nursery teacher about a suitable settling-in process, if your child has additional needs?

FishWithABicycle · 08/09/2015 07:16

I don't get why being "on her own" walking along a road for 20 minutes (albeit safely presumably) would be a solution to prevent her from being "on her own" (though with other children to play with) for a similar amount of time in a supervised playground.

TheOddity · 08/09/2015 07:44

I think the first couple of weeks maybe she can walk on her own from the nursery while youbsettle dd2 in and then you will probably find if you are hanging around at nursery any longer you will be disrupting the session anyway and will be able to walk her.

honkinghaddock · 08/09/2015 08:42

Have you spoken to your 3 year olds teacher. In my experience they want parents to leave quickly. They will not have time to talk to parents and having them around can unsettle other children, some of whom may also have additional needs. Information can be given via a home school book.

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