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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave my 8 yo in the playground for 25 mins before school?

122 replies

FishFace99 · 07/09/2015 00:16

DD (3) starts nursery school on Tuesday. Its a 10 minute walk from DD (8) school and nursery school starts 20 mins before school. I can't work out the logistics of drop offs. 3 yo has some issues which mean she may take a while to drop off so if I keep 8 yo with me then she's likely tobe late for school. The other options I have are either to drop DD first which means she's alone in the playground for 25/30 mins or to let her walk from the nursery school alone if it looks like her sister will take a while to settle. It's a safe routewith only one road which has a lollipop lady. What would you do?

OP posts:
BathshebaDarkstone · 07/09/2015 05:10

I've kept an eye on friends' DC because they've had to rush off to work before the bell rang. Could you ask someone to do that?

AnotherTimeMaybe · 07/09/2015 05:12

OP I know it's hard. I have to do two drop offs 3 miles away from each other but you ll do jt, you'll find your feet. First few days are hard but you ll get there . Your children safety is very important though
Good luck

Mistigri · 07/09/2015 06:02

If there is only a gap of 5 mins before a teacher / other children are in the playground I'd probably just be 5 mins late for nursery.

The alternative is to do the drop off the other way round and risk being slightly late for primary school - which is not a huge deal if it happens once or twice, and the nursery drop-off is bound to get quicker once the initial settling in phase is over.

WaxyBean · 07/09/2015 06:13

Agree with nursery that you will drop dd off after school has started for the first few weeks until she has settled well. I had a similar dilemma with mine (though DS1 was 5 so no chance of leaving him in the playground). I dumped and ran at nursery after a few weeks.

FishWithABicycle · 07/09/2015 06:37

There'll be other parents in the playground and a teacher 5 mins after I'd dropped off.

So drop 8yo off 5 mins later and do not leave her in the playground until the teacher is out and in charge.

You clearly have enough flex in your morning schedule to stay with your younger child for as long as she needs you, you can give your older child 5 mins too.

Nursery school surely won't mind you arriving 5 mins later - no nursery I have heard of cares about punctuality.

Sighing · 07/09/2015 06:38

8, so year 4. That's old enough to be walking to school for a straightforward distance. My only concern would be how reliable the road crossing staff are. We have whole weeks with noone and no text warnings.

Shiningdew · 07/09/2015 06:38

Oh my parents used to do this - it was horrible! Please don't! Grin It was bloody freezing in the winter too!

VashtaNerada · 07/09/2015 06:42

My parents had to drop me off early when I was that age and it was fine. I know it's culturally less acceptable nowadays but I don't think it's completely out of the question, especially if other children and adults will be around. That said, I think I'd worry about what would happen if she fell over or was ill.

HicDraconis · 07/09/2015 06:47

We routinely drop the boys (9&7) at school any time from 8.20-8.40, depending on traffic. School starts at 9. They play in the playground with their friends, or on cold / wet days go into their classrooms and read or use the computers. They wouldn't want us hanging around until the bell went, they'd think we were mad!

It's not supervised but they know not to leave school grounds and they sort their own issues out on the whole.

School ask that nobody is dropped off before 8.15 which is fair enough, but 8.35 is completely normal here.

HicDraconis · 07/09/2015 06:49

Oh - should add that they like children in the grounds playing for 20-30 mins before the bell, it's encouraged. That half hour run around helps with concentration etc throughout the morning.

Spartans · 07/09/2015 06:49

I would speak to the nursery and adjust the start time. I can not imagine a nursery insisting an exact drop off time under these circumstances, especially since your youngest is undergoing diagnosis.

Ask them if you can arrive early to drop off the youngest so you have time to walk the eldest to school and reduce the risk of being late. Or ask if you can drop the youngest off a little bit later so the eldest isn't stood on her own.

It maybe that you youngest ends up happier being dropped off at a different time. My friends ds is going through diagnosis and her nursery allowed her to change her drop off time as her ds found everyone going in at once quite stressful. She can now drop and run and he is happier. Not saying it will definitley work out like that for you, but it may help.

OllyBJolly · 07/09/2015 06:50

I live next to a primary school and I'd say that about 30% of kids are in the playground half an hour before the school opens (and there is also a breakfast club). There's a handful there an hour before.

What's yours like at that time? If it's the same I wouldn't worry about 5 minutes. (although better if she was with a friend)

Becles · 07/09/2015 06:51

Depending on the reliability of your child, walking to school from home or nursery seems a lot less faff.

Agree with the drop and rum at nursery whatever you decide though.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/09/2015 06:52

I don't think it's an issue if there are other people, including an adult, there.

Our school (different country) allows children to be dropped off a max of 25 mins early - the gates aren't open prior to that - so as that seems to be the same sort of time you're suggesting, I don't think it's an issue.

In fact, school actively encourages children to get there 15 or so minutes early, so they have that time to help with the social side of things, especially the kindergarten children.

Flashbangandgone · 07/09/2015 07:03

Interesting that I've seen various threads about kids 'playing out' without adult supervision at younger ages than this (from 3 even) and there tend to be a good proportion of responses saying how natural, normal and safe this is with stuff like 'the older ones always looked out for the little'uns (3 yos)' as though it were some kind of kid utopia....

Now I don't agree with the sentiments above, but surely leaving an 8 year old in a playground for 20 minutes is considerably better from a safety perspective.

However, isn't there another child your 8 to can tag along with? That's what used to happen to me if my mum couldn't take me in for any reason.

UngratefulMoo · 07/09/2015 07:11

I'd be surprised if you can't negotiate with the nursery for your LO to start later. With our nursery you can basically drop off whenever you like, as long as you let them know.

Pigriver · 07/09/2015 07:14

I think the issue here is who is responsible if something happens? Is the teacher on duty to supervise like at playtime or just to be a point of contact for parents e.g. Deputy head?
Yes there are other parents but why should they look after your child?
At my school it would be a complete no no and the parent would be called into school as a safeguarding issue.
We run a free breakfast club from 8.15am and we still get parents who drop off and leave their child alone in the playground at 7.50/8am. Completely unreasonable. Staff are only just arriving then and have prep to do. We cannot be responsible for your child but then again who can ignore a child sat out in the rain? Not fair all round!

HeteronormativeHaybales · 07/09/2015 07:16

Bucking the trend a bit here, but she's 8, the walk is 10 mins along a safe route, I honestly don't see why she shouldn't be able to walk it. The independence and trust will probably boost her confidence and do her good. I am going to let my nearly 8yo come home alone from school (15ish min walk) at some point this school year - his older brother was doing it once a week at 9. I should add I am in another European country with slightly less, shall we say, anxiety about child independence than the UK. There are 6yos who make the journey alone here - which is beyond the pale for me; I am definitely top overprotective parent round here - but I don't think not trusting an 8yo to make a safe 10min journey is necessarily a good way forward. I would consider it much preferable to being left in the playground for 25min before school starts. What about cold/wet mornings?

All that said, I'm a bit concerned about the way the 8yo might 'read' her morning routine being changed to fit around her sister. If she's up for the extra degree of independence, great. If not, there may be an opening for sibling rivalry/resentment here.

Hissy · 07/09/2015 07:21

Your youngest does not have to be in school/nursery etc, so drop the 8yo off (properly!) first and THEN focus on the 3yo.

Your 8yo deserves attention and care too. It won't be for long, but you can't leave a child Alone in the playground just yet.

The nursery will have to accommodate your later drop off, because school age children take priority over nursery care.

CookieMonsterIsOnADiet · 07/09/2015 07:23

Your three year old doesn't have to be in education so presumably its voluntary and you can just arrange to arrive later.

Eight is far too young to be left alone, it's not upto other parents to watch out for her. In winter it will be a miserable 25 minutes in freezing temperatures etc.

LargeGoldAtrociousCunt · 07/09/2015 07:24

Your 3yo needs to learn that when you drop her off you drop her off.

How will she ever learn to settle herself if you are pandering? I feel sorry for your 8 yo that you would just leave her there on her own unsupervised whilst staying with her younger sibling who you could quite easily leave in a a safe supervised environment.

wigglesrock · 07/09/2015 07:25

To be honest, dropping an 8 year old in the school playground 25 mins before school starts is the norm at my daughters school. Theres supervision from 20 mins before it starts but playground gates are opened before that.

Hissy · 07/09/2015 07:25

Of course there is the OTHER option that many of us use... A paid childminder... An hour a day would cover it, the same price as a breakfast club (in my neck of the woods anyway)

Or you could ASK a friend of the 8yo could come in with their child.

Your 8yo is your responsibility, just because their sibling may have SN should not mean their care is down graded.

Scarydinosaurs · 07/09/2015 07:28

As impossible as it seems now, 10 minutes to drop the 3yo will be fine. Even with issues. Faster is better for her, even if it feels hard for you.

GudrunBrangwen · 07/09/2015 07:28

Our school has a straight in policy since about 6 months ago - you can drop off any time after 8.40 (I think it would be better being 8.30 to avoid the massive queue) and your child goes straight in to their classroom and does some random work and signs themself in.

I leave my 8yo at the car park nearby (no roads, and a two minute trot to school, lollipop lady in sight (though he doesn't need to cross) and he goes in by himself while I take ds3 (2yo) home.

I don't have to be anywhere normally but getting ds3 dressed is in itself a nightmare and getting him to go the right way without lying down on the pavement or trying to escape is almost impossible.

I feel bad about it for ds2, and would rather take him all the way myself but really it wouldn't make much sense and he is only alone for two minutes, before he reaches the classroom.

I think your dd would be best to stay with you until she has to leave for school, and hopefully most days you will be able to go with her but I think that is the better alternative to dropping her off first.

Good luck.