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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to leave my 8 yo in the playground for 25 mins before school?

122 replies

FishFace99 · 07/09/2015 00:16

DD (3) starts nursery school on Tuesday. Its a 10 minute walk from DD (8) school and nursery school starts 20 mins before school. I can't work out the logistics of drop offs. 3 yo has some issues which mean she may take a while to drop off so if I keep 8 yo with me then she's likely tobe late for school. The other options I have are either to drop DD first which means she's alone in the playground for 25/30 mins or to let her walk from the nursery school alone if it looks like her sister will take a while to settle. It's a safe routewith only one road which has a lollipop lady. What would you do?

OP posts:

5madthings · 07/09/2015 08:36

Drop her from when the teacher is there or let her walk from the nursery on her own, it's a short walk with a safe crossing. I think as long as your dd is sensible it should be fine.

Can leave kids from 8:40 in our playground, my ten yr old has been going to school on his own for well over a year, two mile cycle and today he went early with a friend, they will play in a park near the school for ten mins or so until the gates open. I then get there with my younger two so can see his bike in bike shed and know he arrived Ok.

Depending on location, roads etc 8 is fine to be walking short distances on their own.

MythicalKings · 07/09/2015 08:42

No. If you drop before the teacher is on duty they may tell you it's not on. Schools usually have a time from when they are prepared to take responsibility for DCs,, ask the school what their rules are. Usually it's 15 minutes before school starts.

sleepyhead · 07/09/2015 08:47

Would be completely normal here and no one would bat an eye.

I agree that it's no big deal to be late for nursery though.

TheGirlOnTheLanding · 07/09/2015 08:49

Gobsmacked at how many negative responses there are on here. DD2 (8) has just started walking the 10 mins to school this year: at the moment I walk her part way and she walks the last bit herself but with the intention of building up to the whole walk by half term. She's loving feeling grown up and independent, and takes it very seriously, both the road safety and the time keeping. There are lots of other unaccompanied kids on our route. In your position I'd probably go for the walking option, but half an hour in the playground isn't unusual here, and there are paid playground supervisors from about then, despite there being a breakfast club (paid for), and a lollipop man near the gates, so I don't think I'd feel in any way neglectful or failing in safeguarding if I dropped her early. Clearly it depends on the area and the school though - do others at your school do early drop off?

listsandbudgets · 07/09/2015 09:12

Looks like we're lucky. Teachers in playground from 8.15am, bell goes at 8.45. If there's raining or icy they go into classrooms. DD loves being dropped early - and its completely normal for everyone from year 1 upwards (Reception children can go into class from 8.20 and regualary do).

OP I would try to work things so that you drop him 5 minutes later then you know he's safe.

LooseAtTheSeams · 07/09/2015 09:12

I think your options are either to drop off DD8 at same time teacher arrives in playground (much more predictable than settling DD3 first) or drop DD8 at a friend's house on the way so she goes to school with someone. If the school office opens a bit earlier they might agree for her to go there first for the first couple of weeks.
At our school, gates open at 8.15 now but it used to be 8.30 and kids can play in the playground after the gate is unlocked because there are adults on the premises. I don't see a problem with the playground as long as DD8 isn't the only child there and feeling abandoned.

Collaborate · 07/09/2015 09:25

Why is the nursery drop off time critical? She doesn't have to be there the moment it opens does she?

BerylStreep · 07/09/2015 09:28

Well I know things are a bit different these days, but I was walking 3 miles to and from school by myself when I was 7. When I was 8, I was accompanying my 4 & 5 yr old siblings on the same journey.

I think in general it depends on how mature your 8yo is, but I honestly don't think it could be classed as neglect.

Gileswithachainsaw · 07/09/2015 09:32

Why is the nursery drop off time critical? She doesn't have to be there the moment it opens does she?

because the pre school session starts at a set time.

there's a routine. it's unsettling fir kids to he dropped off at erratic times. the little one if s/he's struggling may well cope better if there are less children there and a staff member free to deal than arriving late and missing breakfast and everyone's settled into an activity ir whatever.

TheWildRumpyPumpus · 07/09/2015 09:33

Agree with everyone else that I've not come across any nursery (presumably private since it is opening before school starts) that insists on children arriving at any particular time. It may be that they will only feed them breakfast if they arrive before a certain time, but that's the only limitation I can think of.

JohnCusacksWife · 07/09/2015 09:36

Goodness me! She's 8 years old....of course she can manage a safe 10 minute walk. Am genuinely astounded that anyone could think that was a "safeguarding issue".

Kids at our school are regularly in the playground from 8.30 with no playground supervision at all. Miraculously, they've all survived....

futureme · 07/09/2015 09:38

Wow I wish schools near here let you drop off half an hour before hand! My kids would love running around with their friends. It's not something I've ever heard of before!

Solo · 07/09/2015 09:40

Not read full thread.

YANBU OP.

I sometimes drop my Dd at school at 8:30, meaning she's there for 25 minutes before the bell. She's 8 now, but I've done this on occasion since she was 6 (almost 7). She loves it; she gets to play for an extra time and socialise with other children. There's no harm in it imo, there are staff on the premises and there are teachers/TA's waiting at the gates to greet the children.

If your Dd is happy to do it, let her. I don't think I'd let her walk alone yet though.

SymbollocksInteractionism · 07/09/2015 09:45

I can't believe the amount of people on here saying the OP'S suggestions are neglectful. Her DD is 8 not 5!!
I'm pretty sure at that age I was walking to school with my friends and was sensible enough to play in the playground before school. My own DD is nearly 8 and I don't think this would be an issue at her school but then kids seem to go early to have a run around and the lollipop man is also nearby from about 8.35am.

fearandloathinginambridge · 07/09/2015 09:51

From Y3 my ds wanted me to leave him in the playground before school as most of his friends were doing this and having a good old play before school. The gates opened at 0830 and lots of children would be dropped off at that time without parents staying. Nothing untoward ever happened to any of them.

5madthings · 07/09/2015 09:56

All the pre schools here require you to drop a child at the correct time, it's 9am and that is when they open the doors and they go in. Then all parents are gone within about five mins and gate is locked etc. Normal.

I looked at a few pre schools, one I would have been slightly late getting to due to school run etc and that would have been not Ok.

If a parent is late they have to ring a bell, a member of staff has to come and unlock gate, open door etc and let them in and sort that child, coat off and bag on peg etc. It's disruptive for all. If a child has special needs and needs to arrive earlier or later they will accommodate that of course ie they can't cope arriving with everyone else. But just to be late on a regular basis for no reason is not Ok.

Op I would let her walk from the nursery to school.

Lightbulbon · 07/09/2015 09:57

My eldest walked to school alone at 8. Lots of other kids did too. Sometimes he went early for extra football time in the playground.

It's your judgement call dependent on how mature/independent your DC is.

hullabaloo234 · 07/09/2015 10:11

Just one thing to consider, at my DD's school, it's only year 6 who are allowed to make their way to and from school alone, so you might want to check the schools policy on it before you decide on sending her on her own.

DixieNormas · 07/09/2015 10:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

InimitableJeeves · 07/09/2015 10:20

It's ridiculous to say drop and run with the 3 year old at this stage. Yes, once she's in a routine that may be possible, but when she's starting something new it would be a recipe for disaster.

The ideal solution, if possible, is to make an arrangement to drop the 8 year old off at a friend's so they can go together with friend's parent - if necessary, paying the parent.

m0therofdragons · 07/09/2015 10:20

I'd check with the school - ours has staff greeting in the morning but they are very clear they are not there to be responsible until school starts. Dc aren't allowed to walk to our school unaccompanied until year 5 at our school too. Just might be worth checking.
My Dd is almost 8 and no way would I want her walking alone and we're in a quiet nice area but it doesn't sit right with me. Only you know your area and your child.
I think I would either send dc to nursery late (letting the staff know) or come up with an arrangement for another parent or 2 in the playground to watch dd1 so there's an adult directly responsible.

Helpmeoutofthemaze · 07/09/2015 10:23

If your 3yo is being assessed for asd, it's even more important that you drop and run. Show her clearly how it's done like this every day. It will feel horrible to start with (for you), but it is much, much kinder to her and clearer for her to understand. Kids with asd usually respond better when their expectations are clear and consistent.
I think it is not ok for 8yo to go alone to school or spend up to 30 mins in playground alone.

Vagndidit · 07/09/2015 10:32

I've never known a preschool to have an exact start time, particularly school nursery. When Ds went, it seems we had a pretty wide window (like a 20-30 minute period) where we could drop off.
Can you not take your 3 year old a bit later and drop off your 8 y.o. when the teacher's on duty?

Thymeout · 07/09/2015 10:44

At 8, I was catching a bus to school on my own. I had v responsible parents. It was the norm in those days as it still is in other countries, such as Germany and Scandinavia and Japan.

There will be other children in the playground. It won't be a question of Billy No Mates all on his own for half an hour before suddenly everyone else arrives.

I think some parents have lost sight of how responsible an 8 yr old can be if they are given the chance.

sanfairyanne · 07/09/2015 10:55

At our school this would be fine. In fact dd deliberately goes about 20 mins early to play with her friends.

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