To not tell anyone I'm in labour?

[ollieplimsoles]

Need some context from people who have given birth before, but I don't think I'm being unreasonable.

Last year when DH's cousin had her baby, every one knew she was in labour, her mum texted MIL, who texted us at 10pm at night to tell us she was '5cms and settled in at hospital' We then got an hourly text of updates from MIL. I found it so cringy.

Today we told MIL that we would prefer not to tell anyone when I go into labour, and instead just tell people when the baby arrives. I HATE the idea of the whole family knowing whats going on and just hanging around waiting. They see it as a family affair, I see it as something totally private that they don't need to know about. We even decided not to tell people if I go over and have a date booked for induction.

MIL in particular thinks this is really strange and is not happy about it, she always assumed we would tell her whats happening as it happens. My mum is more understanding, because she told her own mother she was going into hospital and the whole family turned up in the waiting area, she really regretted it and wishes she hadn't told anyone.

To avoid drip feeding- we are planning a home birth that mil is not supportive of (doesn't think its safe/ has tried to talk us out of it a lot) and she feels that not letting her know when its happening is a 'step too far'.

Did you feel comfortable with people other than yourself (obviously!) and your partner knowing you were in labour?

Ollie, if meeting your family was an eye opener for him, I expect having his own DC to care for really will throw everything into focus. I think my DH found it quite hard to deal with - he couldn't reconcile how much he loved his DC and how his instinct was to love and protect them, with the treatment he received as a child.

The good thing is, is that it hastened the end of their relationship, and I cannot tell you how much easier it makes life. I think MILs actually get a lot of stick on here, I do eye roll at some of the stuff people moan about (they don't like GC name, they bought DC too many presents etc ) but going NC with ours was the right decision. She also disliked me very much so I feel a sense of relief that I personally don't have to have any contact. I feel sad for DH as she isn't bothered by the NC, further proof really that she doesn't truly care for DH, or have any feelings for her GC. No doubt she probably had a shit upbringing herself, which I am sorry about, but at least DH has broken the cycle.

It does make me very sad for DH, but luckily my parents genuinely love him very much (we have been together a long time) and so he does get parented by them to a certain extent. When we was a SAHD he used to meet up with them, frequently I'd call him and he was at my parents' house, eating lunch that my mum had made him

If there is anyone in your DHs life who can sort of fulfil (in a healthy way) a benign parental role, it is worth keeping them close. I would also be prepared that he may need support himself, as looking after you and DC, dealing with his mother, plus having his own childhood brought into sharp relief, may prove quite tough, particularly when your DC is too little to be appreciative of him! Now my DC are older they recognise what a very good dad they have, and make sure they tell him. So it's worth it in the end.

Apologies for the essay

Relatives just got told after the birth although I was induced for no 1 so they knew things were imminent. If my ex had had his mobile switched on and been taking calls when I was in labour I would have sent him home. He was there to support me not chat. Luckily this was in no mobiles in hospitals days