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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To force my husband to sell his beloved watch?

273 replies

SummerMonths · 03/09/2015 09:57

My husband and I have been together 12 years, all is good, we are happy. We got together 6 months after he broke up with his ex. During their relationship she had gifted him an incredible watch which she got engraved with both their initials and the date and time they met. The watch is worth more than our car: literally tens of thousands of pounds. When she left him she let him keep the watch.

Fast forward 13 years and my husband still wears this watch every day. He adores it. We got it valued recently and if he sold it we could afford to extend our house with an extra bedroom so that all our children can have their own room. I would also quite like him to get rid of it as it’s a gift from an ex with an engraving about their love. Will he consider a sale? NO.

AIBU to think he is out of order? And if I am not BU how do I get him to see the light?

OP posts:
L4stChanceSaloon · 03/09/2015 10:00

YABU. It's not your possession, it's his.

Eve · 03/09/2015 10:00

to force him to do anything is completely unreasonable.

TabithaTwitchEye · 03/09/2015 10:00

You're being a bit bonkers.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 03/09/2015 10:01

You can't force him to do anything!

Sansoora · 03/09/2015 10:02

How can you force him to? Perhaps just explain how you feel and suggest the money from a sale could come in handy.

Lucked · 03/09/2015 10:02

Can you get the engraving removed? I don't know I think it's weirder to have an extension paid for by an ex rather than a watch.

Also would she have let him keep it if she knew he would sell it wasn't it because he loved the watch? I think if you are selling it you have to offer her the cash or at least the value new if he can still get in touch.

Original poster
SummerMonths · 03/09/2015 10:02

Yes it is possession.
The kids are his too and they need more room.

I would happily part with my engagement ring to make our house a better home but sadly its not worth enough.

OP posts:
kelda · 03/09/2015 10:03

If it's engraved, are you sure you can sell it for so much?

Getting it valued is often for insurance purposes, and may not reflect the current re-sale price.

BertrandRussell · 03/09/2015 10:04

Bear in mind there is a big difference between valuation and what he would get for it if he sold it-particularly if it's engraved.

But in any case, I think it's his choice. You can suggest, but I don't see how you could force him.

L4stChanceSaloon · 03/09/2015 10:05

Yes, but it's your choice what you do with your engagement ring - just as it's his choice what he does with his watch.

By all means tell him that you think he's being selfish and allow him to come to his own conclusions (which might well be that he disagrees with you) - that's all you can do.

fearandloathinginambridge · 03/09/2015 10:06

If you were in financial dire straits, bailiff at the door, about to be evicted etc then I'd have some sympathy for your position re the watch. Otherwise I agree that it's his watch and you can't force him to sell it.

KetchupIsNearlyAVegetable · 03/09/2015 10:07

Why did he get it valued?

FiftyShadesOfSporn · 03/09/2015 10:08

The engraving could be smoothed over. It wouldn't help with the extension but at least her 'fingerprints' would be gone.

Original poster
SummerMonths · 03/09/2015 10:10

He got it informally valued because we were at a party with some auctioneers. We have not had a formal valuation for sale although it is insured.

He is not in touch with his ex. Has not heard from her in 13 years. She returned to her home country. There is no way he could offer the money and to be frank she is loaded and probably barely remembers the watch.

OP posts:
abigamarone · 03/09/2015 10:14

You can't make him do anything with it, it's his watch. But I understand why you especially object with regard to the engraving and would probably feel the same.

ENtertainmentAppreciated · 03/09/2015 10:15

If he volunteered the sale then fine, otherwise no, particularly as he not only loves, but wears it.

I think the market would be limited due to the engraving, but if it were me I'd be quite interested in whether the engraving could be polished out or covered up somehow.

KetchupIsNearlyAVegetable · 03/09/2015 10:15

Do you work? Just wondering if this is a statement that no he is not having his ex pay for an extension as an alternative to you working. I also second the unlikeliness of it actually being sold for as much as you think it will.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 03/09/2015 10:16

What could you afford if you sold your engagement ring or jewelry inherited from a grandparent ?

Point is that we all have possessions that if we sold we could no doubt do something useful with the cash but why sell something that is precious to you if there is not dire financial need?

Pneumometer · 03/09/2015 10:16

Why did he get it valued?

Presumably for insurance.

Engraving a watch massively reduces its resale value. The insurance value is what it would cost to buy an equivalent unengraved watch and then have it ruined engraved the same, which isn't remotely what it would fetch on the open market.

There are a few cases where engraving on the back of watches enhances the value, particularly in the weird world of military watch collectors (see them get excited about "broad arrows" and "NATO stock numbers"). But in general "AB met CD, 12:34 3/2/10" isn't going to add value to your Rolex Milgauss.

Original poster
SummerMonths · 03/09/2015 10:18

Its not a Rolex, its a Patek Philippe.

OP posts:
Original poster
SummerMonths · 03/09/2015 10:19

And yes I do work. And in case it is relevant I earn a fraction more than DH.

OP posts:
InternalMonologue · 03/09/2015 10:19

I think it's a bit weird that he still wears a watch that marks the love he had between him and his ex.

But you can't force him to sell it.

CalmYourselfTubbs · 03/09/2015 10:20

YABVU.
If this situation was the other way around, how would you feel about it?
both of you go get better paid jobs or perhaps second jobs and pay for the work that way.

GladysTheGolem · 03/09/2015 10:20

Yabu.
He has zero contact with ex, you knew about the watch when you got with him. If this was such a massive problem for you, you should've mentioned it before now.

How much is it worth against the cost of extension? How much extra cash have you got toward the extension?

What's the plan with watch when he dies? Would he want it passed on to one of your children?

OneBreathAfterAnother · 03/09/2015 10:21

If it was an informal valuation, it won't have taken into consideration the engraving.

Depending on how much engraving there is, the way it was done and where on the watch it is, it may be possible to polish it out, but the watch will still be worth less than your valuation.

Financials aside, I can understand why you don't like the engraving but you needed to raise this in the early days if you were unhappy with him wearing it. 12 years later is far too late to say, "actually stop wearing that watch, the engraving makes me sad." He's got used to wearing it now.

I have a ring that an ex bought me. The ring is beautiful but I don't wear it because it was a promise ring and that sentiment still stands behind it, and DP was a little uncomfortable with it when we got together. Our compromise was that I kept it but it's in my jewellery box, because it's beautiful and totally to my taste, but I can understand his dislike.

You absolutely cannot force him to sell the watch to fund an extension, or anything else. Drop that as an idea. Look for other ways to achieve what you want that don't involve one of you giving up possessions that you'd rather keep.

It'd be really silly to sell a beautiful watch that he really enjoys without any potential to be able to replace it. He could well resent you a bit for that.