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AIBU?

To force my husband to sell his beloved watch?

273 replies

SummerMonths · 03/09/2015 09:57

My husband and I have been together 12 years, all is good, we are happy. We got together 6 months after he broke up with his ex. During their relationship she had gifted him an incredible watch which she got engraved with both their initials and the date and time they met. The watch is worth more than our car: literally tens of thousands of pounds. When she left him she let him keep the watch.

Fast forward 13 years and my husband still wears this watch every day. He adores it. We got it valued recently and if he sold it we could afford to extend our house with an extra bedroom so that all our children can have their own room. I would also quite like him to get rid of it as it’s a gift from an ex with an engraving about their love. Will he consider a sale? NO.

AIBU to think he is out of order? And if I am not BU how do I get him to see the light?

OP posts:
Backforthis · 03/09/2015 10:54

Having lost my wedding ring a month ago I do understand the feeling naked thing but another ring on the finger very quickly felt the same. I'm sure a grand could be spared for a decent replacement watch.

MonkeyPJs · 03/09/2015 10:55

But it is arguably still about priorities, surely? I'm not saying enhancements to a home is more or less important than a watch, merely that you have different priorities for your husband here, which are neither right nor wrong - just different.

I have a friend that has fought her husband tooth and nail for improvements to her house for similar reasons as you, but at the end of the day it was merely that she was more house-proud and it mattered to her for reasons which, if she were to be honest, weren't so much about the kids as her own priorities. I guess it's just important to ensure you don't have your DH sell something that matters for him for something that, for you, is a want rather than a need if that makes sense

OhYeahMama · 03/09/2015 10:55

Thing is, rather then having a watch to remind him of her , you'd have a big fecking extension.

AnUtterIdiot · 03/09/2015 10:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Theycallmemellowjello · 03/09/2015 10:58

I don't think yanbu. No, of course you can't force him to sell, but holding on to an item like this when the kids are overcrowded is selfish, I think.

SummerMonths · 03/09/2015 10:59

Just to emphasises I am not that bothered about the link to the ex. I mentioned it because its relevant background and when I really think about it, its slightly odd, but I v rarely think about it. The driving factor for me is that we need money for the first time in our relationship. That is why this is an issue for the first time. I would not look at an extension and think "the bloody ex bought that", I know I would not think that because I do not think that about the watch.

OP posts:
lorelei9 · 03/09/2015 11:00

I lost a sapphire ring that was given to me by an ex.

He was long gone but I wore it all the time. I think I lost it 8 years ago? I still feel like a bit of me is missing. It's not about him, it's about the ring!

Backforthis · 03/09/2015 11:01

What does he say when you've pointed out that you could afford the extension if he sold the watch?

ValancyJane · 03/09/2015 11:01

Hmm YABU in a way because it's his possession and he clearly likes it, it would be different if he just left it in a drawer getting dusty! But I think I would probably feel the same in your shoes.

londonrach · 03/09/2015 11:02

Yabu. Its his to sell. He uses it everyday.

Backforthis · 03/09/2015 11:02

I have a suspicion that my wedding ring went through the bowels of one if the dogs so it's resting in peace in a poo bag somewhere.

SummerMonths · 03/09/2015 11:02

Ha ha Back!

OP posts:
mandy214 · 03/09/2015 11:03

I agree with Primallass. I think the OP is coming at it from a point of view of having something of value "available" - if thats the right word to -pay for something that the family needs (rather than get additional income, re-mortgage etc).

The fact that it came from an ex is neither here nor there, just an explanation that there isn't really any emotional attachment (such as if it were her H's fathers or something).

I get that he loves it and yes you can't force him to sell it, but I would perhaps suggest that he sells it, and buys another (less) expensive watch - - can you get something lovely for £2-3k maybe- and the rest goes towards the extension? So no, YANBU to suggest it (and I would keep suggesting till he agrees Grin) but YAB a bit U forcing him!

sashh · 03/09/2015 11:03

I sell stuff: except I don't have any heirlooms and my engagement ring is worth about £2k compared to over £20k for the watch.

What about you both selling them.

Although if I had a PF (the closest I've been is trying one on in a shop) I would be reluctant to sell. Isn't part of the point that once you have a watch like this you never need to buy another?

I'm quite a 'watch person' I would rather have a watch than a ring and I would find it hard to sell any of mine even though you can only wear one at a time.

Whatthefoxgoingon · 03/09/2015 11:05

I think you're overestimating its re-sale value, it will be well under its valuation for insurance purposes. I have bought and sold lots of high value jewellery and watches (including a patek) and they make nowhere near their retail price. The engraving will also negatively affect it.

Would he be open to getting a firm offer on the watch? If it's much under 20k, your extension won't happen anyway and you can forget about selling it.

Though if my husband obviously cherished a possession like that, I couldn't ask him to get rid of it, unless I could replace it some time in the near future.

SummerMonths · 03/09/2015 11:06

The consensus of this thread is overwhelmingly that I would BU to push this issue and I should accept his attachment to the watch.

I am surprised that more people wouldn't feel as I do but its valuable to know that my views are extreme to some. Of course I know I cannot force him to sell but the question really is how much I should push the issue: it seems I have probably pushed it as much is as reasonable.

New question: AIBU to make DH do all the night wakes and early rises that result from kids sharing rooms given he won't pursue the solution?????

OP posts:
AuntyMag10 · 03/09/2015 11:06

He hasn't offered though has he? So I guess it's not even a question on his mind about whether he should sell it. Asking him to would cause a problem I would think.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 03/09/2015 11:06

Yabu, he loves the watch, wears it all the time, if it was just sat gathering dust then it'd be different. You can give your opinion but you can't force him to do anything with his possessions

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 03/09/2015 11:08

Can you not get a loan?

He wears the watch every day and would never be able to buy a replacement from the sounds of it. Surely much better to just borrow the money rather than give up something that he loves?

I'm curious how you would make him sell it.

AuntyMag10 · 03/09/2015 11:08

To your new question, that would seem spiteful as if to say now you should suffer because you didn't sell the watch.
What would you have done if there was no watch to sell? Do what you would have done then.

NameChange30 · 03/09/2015 11:08

Hmmm, I'm on the fence about this.

I would be uncomfortable with my partner wearing an expensive engraved gift from an ex every day. But I would have raised this at the beginning. I probably would have asked him to get the engraving removed as a PP suggested. Obviously not on the first date (!) but probably after a year or so and definitely before getting married.

The other issue is the money. It's a hugely expensive item to own when you're not particularly well off. But it's his watch and he is clearly attached to it now. So although I think it's selfish of him to keep it when he could sell it and use the money to benefit the whole family, it's his decision to make.

One possible solution could be to sell the watch and use some of the money to buy him a new watch - something less expensive but something he likes enough to wear every day and get attached to. (I bought my DH an engagement watch that he's very attached to although it cost nowhere near £20k!) But if he's really attached to the watch he already has, he's not likely to be up for that idea.

So I don't think you can force him to sell it. But I would insist he gets the engraving removed if I were you (I would have done that years ago - but then I have jealous tendencies!)

Out of interest, do you have wills? Does his will specify what should happen to the watch in the event of his death? If not it should do.

Moopsboopsmum · 03/09/2015 11:10

I had a watch from DH1 for our engagement (also got a ring) he was a bit flash. I asked now DH to drop it in to have it serviced for me as the place is really near his office. That was a year ago and I haven't seen it since. Apparently it is in his drawer at work. Confused

mandy214 · 03/09/2015 11:11

I was with you on persuading him to sell it, but I'm not with you on getting him to do all the night waking stuff. Surely you considered that before you decided to have more children than bedrooms Hmm?

ShortandSweeter · 03/09/2015 11:12

Forcing your H to do anything that he doesn't want to do is tantamount to abuse.

lorelei9 · 03/09/2015 11:14

OP "New question: AIBU to make DH do all the night wakes and early rises that result from kids sharing rooms given he won't pursue the solution?????"

hoping that's a joke.

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