To wonder what to make of this?

[Thistledew]

Or rather, was DH BU in not knowing what to think or do?

He was in the barbershop earlier getting a haircut. There was a woman in there with two DCs, aged about 4 and 5, all of African ethnicity (may be relevant in terms of the haircuts they were getting).

Both DCs, when they were sitting in the barbers chair having their hair cut with clippers, were crying in apparent distress, and having to be restrained by the mother and the barber. They both displayed the same behaviour, but the second watched his brother impassionately, before displaying the same hysterics once in the chair. Both boys immediately stopped crying as soon as the hair cut was finished.

What would you make of it? DH felt that the boys were genuinely distressed, and was concerned that they were persisting with the haircuts, but, given that it was an odd thing to cause distress, didn't quite know whether he should have said something.

What would you have done?

I'd have minded my own business, children do get upset about haircuts and nail clipping because they think it hurts.

Oh sorry this is mumsnet...I'd have called the police and nspcc and the rspca, what the hell, he was clearly molesting them with the help of their mum.

What could he have done? Of course he needs to mind his own business (what is presumably what he did).

Nothing, hair cuts can be distressing. I don't like them myself but I would assume there was no blood or cuts as none was mentioned. Really don't see how the hair cut could be done with the child having to be restrained by two adults.Distress stopped afterwards. Fear of what's to come rather than the actual act I think. Imo.

My DS1 and DS3 both found haircuts distressing. In fact, DS3 has only just stopped crying when he has his cut and he's almost 7. However, it needed to be done, so combination of bribery, coercion and comforting would be used.

Yeah, kids get distressed at hair cuts, hair washing, nails cutting.

My own child freaks out so much at having her hair washed that the entire neighbourhood suspects murder, but the option is to have filthy hair.
And yes, she's fine when it's over and we hand her a towel, but both dh and I have to restrain her.

I don't understand why them being African is relevant?
Lots if children cry at haircuts unfortunately. I don't think it'll cause them any lasting damage though.

Their ethnicity is only relevant to the type of haircut they were getting - a close cut done with clippers being far more usual for Afro hair rather than other options more frequently used for non-Afro hair.

DH was just somewhat perturbed at the unabated distress of the two young boys and was wondering if a) it was normal and b) if not, should/could he have said or done something.

What would you make of it? DH felt that the boys were genuinely distressed, and was concerned that they were persisting with the haircuts

Does he think that all parents should avoid doing anything that upsets their children? Does he have children? Because on any given day putting on pants, brushing teeth, the suggestion that they like swimming, asking whether they needs a wee and a million other things can make a child 'distressed' and you just have to get the hell on with it! I'm amazed that anyone would consider this an issue to be honest.

This is a strange post. Da used to have to be held down until he was 4. He screamed and cried and was very genuinely scared. He needed a hair cut now and again though so had to endure it.

But their distress wasn't unabated.

What concerned him was that the boys sounded (to him) like they were crying with real fear/discomfort, not a sort of petulant, tantrum cry, and were having to be physically restrained.

Ds1 is 7. He's a mature, calm, laid back child. Very intelligent, very well behaved.

I cut his toenails as little as possible, but it sends him bat shit. He screams, he kicks, he hyperventilates. I have to pin him down, physically. He can't be reasoned with about it and I've no idea why.

Judge not etc etc.

They were probably settling each other off.

If you'd heard ds a couple of nights ago about having a bath you would probably have thought similar. He emerged several.shades lighter and announced he wanted a bath again the next night. Children!

Called the police, although on the non emergency number

Not really

Christ I'm glad your husband didn't witness our end of summer trip to the barbers today. Don't all kids make a fuss when they get their hair cut?

I remember seeing children in the hairdressers when I used to take mine, crying as if they were at the gates of hell because they had to have a haircut, which is probably why the hairdressers we went to had one or two of their staff who specialised in cutting the children's hair because they seemed able to deal with the children and keep them calm.

It's also probably the reason specialist children's hairdressers opened at the time as well - and charged the earth for a child's haircut - because a lot of adult hairdressers didn't want the bother and stress of dealing with screaming children.

Have you ever seen a small child trying on shoes for the first time OP? Most of them sob their hearts out.

What your DH should have done in the circumstances was to mind his own business and stop judging people who were dealing with situations he clearly doesn't have any experience of.

In his position I would have assumed that they had sensory difficulties: I can well imagine that, in that situation the feel of clippers close to the scalps would be distressing. The fact that they calmed down immediately it stopped is a clear indicator that there was no cause for concern about their welfare.

My friend is a hairdresser. Her DGC (7 and 4) have a complete breakdown every time their hair is cut.
No amount of bribery or distraction works.

Hopefully they'll grow out of it before secondary school!

It has not been unusual for ds1(5) to be sat on dh's lap to get a haircut. If he thought he'd get away with it, we would have utter histrionics to avoid having his hair cut. Some children just do not like the sound the clippers make, much less the feeling. Thankfully we go to a (female) barber who is very good at distracting him away from a full on meltdown. And I do mean meltdown rather than tantrum.

Dh's barber is not comfortable either having children in his shop, or cutting children's hair so we avoid him for the boys unless absolutely necessary. The woman who cuts their hair used to work in the same barbers and was happy to do them even when ds1 was of a mind to try and escape.

I'd assume the barber knew the children and how they would react to even attempt to cut the hair of a distressed child. Especially if they were being restrained. Otherwise there'd be no telling how the child would react or move and risk injury to themselves, the parent restraining or the child.

That said, we werent there and you don't mention how they were restrained. Sat on parents lap and held to avoid escape, not worried so much. Sat on by one adult while another held their head with one hand and clipper end with the other. Much more of a problem.

my dh would have done nothing.....but then ds hated getting his hair cut and he is WB (relevant ...........not)

My DS used to go batshit in the hairdressers and we had to restrain him at one point. There was no choice. I held him in a cuddle type hold but had to do it. A barber can't cut a squirming child's hair so sometimes you do what you have to do. He is fine now but the first few (infrequent) visits were awful. He always stopped the second he got out of the chair.

Frusso do you mind me asking what you do with your DDs hair then? My 7 year old is the same.

I take it that your DH doesn't have much experience of different children?

As said, you can't tell how distressed they are (as opposed to deciding to be fussy), by the noise they make.

When my DDs were going through the nit phase, I would of loved to be able to hold them down and take clippers to their hair.