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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what to make of this?

104 replies

Thistledew · 02/09/2015 22:32

Or rather, was DH BU in not knowing what to think or do?

He was in the barbershop earlier getting a haircut. There was a woman in there with two DCs, aged about 4 and 5, all of African ethnicity (may be relevant in terms of the haircuts they were getting).

Both DCs, when they were sitting in the barbers chair having their hair cut with clippers, were crying in apparent distress, and having to be restrained by the mother and the barber. They both displayed the same behaviour, but the second watched his brother impassionately, before displaying the same hysterics once in the chair. Both boys immediately stopped crying as soon as the hair cut was finished.

What would you make of it? DH felt that the boys were genuinely distressed, and was concerned that they were persisting with the haircuts, but, given that it was an odd thing to cause distress, didn't quite know whether he should have said something.

What would you have done?

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 03/09/2015 15:32

They are not presumptions.

The race of the children was entirely irrelevant. No idea why you mentioned it

And quite clearly you and your DH both believed that the adults were completely unconcrened about the kids being upset, that they were being cruel, and that your DH should have intervened to stop this horrible scenario - hence me saying he / you were judging

HTH

MedSchoolRat · 03/09/2015 15:47

It was quite reasonable for OP to ask if there was a cultural context (that she didn't understand) in a situation that she felt uncomfortable with.

BigRedBall · 03/09/2015 16:08

Cultural context? What? African parents abuse their children into getting their hair sheared with clippers instead of scissors? Hmm Ffs.

mummytime · 03/09/2015 16:16

I would wonder if it was a sensory thing due to the clippers, and being so close to their head.

Admittedly I wonder what your DH would have made if he'd over heard my 12 year old fretting that the Dentist was going to cut off her head the other week.

To be honest I don't think your DH WBU - he just mentioned it to you, you on the other hand posted it on the internet...

BitOutOfPractice · 03/09/2015 16:26

What cultural context could there be medschool? That's a red herring!

50shadesofmeh · 03/09/2015 16:38

my son hated getting his hair cut but he still needed it done so i made him sit there, they soon get over it.

Seriouslyffs · 03/09/2015 17:13

I can imagine a Swedish observer being astonished at the screeching that goes on in a playground here. If they said 'I was at a park and there was an English Family- the mother followed the children round describing what they were doing and shouted at her children when it was time to go' most people who've had experience of an English playground would say, pretty normal parenting, wee bit helicoptery, shoutings not great but many parents do it here.

AuntyMag10 · 03/09/2015 17:18

Yes children scream and perform for many things! Should you stop doing anything that makes them upset. They stopped immediately once it was over, so probably the parents are used to these reactions.

Original poster
Thistledew · 03/09/2015 19:06

To spell it out. I mentioned the ethnicity of the children to give context to why they were having their hair cut with clippers rather than comb and scissors. As I had no idea that children routinely get upset by haircuts I naively thought that maybe it was the clipper use that was causing the upset. I thought that giving the context of their ethnicity might answer the question of "Why were they using noisy clippers rather than less scary scissors?" I admit to an assumption that it is harder to cut Afro hair with scissors than clippers. I also admit that I could have just said 'boys with Afro hair' rather than describing their ethnicity. But I have not at any time suggested that the boys upset, or the way they were dealt with by the adults involved was due to their ethnicity, and resent the implication that I did.

OP posts:
mummytime · 03/09/2015 20:19

My DS pretty much always had his hair cut with clippers (mainly) when he was little. Just some neatening up with scissors. He is white.

I think clippers are often used on little boys as it is faster, they also often have quite short hair.

If it was extreme fussing I would wonder if they were especially sensitive children (or had a SN), and sympathise with the mother.

noiwontstoptalking · 03/09/2015 22:04

Thistle I'm assuming that you don't have your own children?

Kids get upset (loudly and dramatically) by all sorts of things. Some things have to be done eg hair cuts, dentists, injections, doctors appointments, shoe fittings, tooth brushing, hoovering, the bins being emptied into the bin lorry to name but a few of the things that bothered my (normal with no sensory issues) children. If the child learns that by screaming the hair cut stops then they will scream every time. If you just power through, eventually the screaming drops to quiet weeping and then to gritting their teeth and enduring until it's over (where we are now).

You can never give in to a tantrum even if it's inspired by genuine fear. That way lies matted hair and rotten teeth.

Aeroflotgirl · 04/09/2015 13:29

thistle wtf are you on about. most men/boys regardless of ethnicity, have their hair cut with clippers. My ds 3, has clippers, it is quick, easy and lasts longer than scissor cuts. oh and I am not African!

BigRedBall · 04/09/2015 21:56

Yes my ds has his hair cut by clippers too because it faster and gives a clean cut. We're not African either.

This thread is just completely bizarre. The op seems to live in a little bubble of her own.

Original poster
Thistledew · 04/09/2015 23:24

BigRedBall - you are coming across as increasingly unpleasant. Is that your intention or can't you help it?

OP posts:
MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge · 04/09/2015 23:39

African hair is cut quite differently. I can see that if you'd never seen it before you might think it was uncomfortable, even painful (it isn't). Thing is, if the boys had sensory issues then having longer hair combed would be much worse for them. African hair generally takes an awful lot of detangling. So their mother probably feels 20 minutes of distress every 2-3 weeks is the better option.

ohtheholidays · 04/09/2015 23:46

We went through this with our DS now 13 when he was younger.

It was because he's autistic and it was the sound of the clippers.I used to have to cut his hair for him and I bought the quitest one's possible and learnt to cut his hair very quickly.

There are some new clippers that have been bought out just recently for that exact reason.

Honestly if I'd been there I'd have assumed that the little boys were like my son.

Stompylongnose · 05/09/2015 00:10

I have a 9 year old (white) boy with no sensory issues but he gets nervous when I use clippers.
If you think about it, you would be cautious when something sharp and noisy was near your face. Have you ever seen kids look terrified by the sound of hand driers in public loos?

Clippers have saved me loads of money (and time) because my sons have straight hair that looks good cut all over with the same length clipper attachment. Scissor cuts take much longer and have more scope for going wrong. (Wriggly kids)

ALassUnparalleled · 05/09/2015 01:54

Many children get upset at getting their hair cut. My son screamed in Jenner's in Edinburgh's on his first haircut although we got a first haircut certificate. He was fine the next time.

Re clippers, I never saw his hair being cut other than with scissors. I don't recall if clippers were offered but I wouldn't have used them. I really don't like the way hair looks when it's cut with clippers.

ALassUnparalleled · 05/09/2015 02:05

I don't think you have to have kids to have seen kids getting upset at a haircut. You just need to have have hair. That's been cut. At a hairdresser

The first time I saw it was with my own son when I was 32. His father and I were really shocked by his reaction.

I get my hair cut every 5 weeks. The salon I use rarely has children in it. I don't recall seeing any of the few who are there reacting like this.

BitOutOfPractice · 05/09/2015 07:29

Well ALass you and the op seem to be in a monority!

And oh the irony of the op getting snippy about people being "unpleasant" after posting one of the most snidely threads ever!

BigRedBall · 05/09/2015 09:06

Deeply unpleasant? Really? Moi?

(Says the person who thinks seeing children cry at the hairdressers must have something to do with their race and the use of clippers)...Hmm.

BitOutOfPractice · 05/09/2015 09:13

BigRedBall I think that was the op's version of "did you mean to be so rude"

And the crying was apparently down to cruelty as well don't forget

Mia1415 · 05/09/2015 09:59

My DS hates having his hair cut. Screams the place down & has to be held down almost.....but it's not real fear, he just doesn't want it done & is fine the minute it's done. It's quite normal!

ALassUnparalleled · 05/09/2015 10:05

Well ALass you and the op seem to be in a monority!

And your point is? I know some children react badly but only because my own son did and the hairdresser said it was not unusual. If I didn't have children I doubt I would know this.

BigRedBall · 05/09/2015 10:08

Oh yes, we can't forget the "cruelty". I think thistle was expecting a flurry of replies urging her to contact SS ASAP to save these poor little children from the clutches of their evil mother who insisted on getting their hair cut.

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